Words for the day...

You flowed into my wilderness

Your crystal waters gave me rest

I found my peace upon Your shores

For lesser things I thirst no more

You make me want to laugh and cry

You make me want to dance and bow

You make me want to shout and sigh

Overwhelmed by Your beauty

Na na na Na na na, Na na na

Beautiful River

You turn the bitter waters sweet

Of every sour stream You meet

Polluted mind and stagnant soul

Are purified in Your control

I love the loneliness I see

In river bend and waterfall

I plunge my life into the deep

And from Your depth I live in awe

~Godfrey Birtill

On the last day of the feast, the great day, Jesus stood up and cried out, “If anyone thirsts, let him come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, ‘Out of his heart will flow rivers of living water.’”

(John 7:37-38)

Stitched to burst in Praise

What a weighty reflection it is to consider that there is a not a single aspect of our being, even in the messiness of our fallen nature, that was not made to give Him all the glory!

I am birthed, disfigured,

Into filth, toxic to all;

Yet, fashioned to hold,

Carved to pour forth -

Praise, exaltation, worship -

From every pore,

Sound, vocal and abdominal;

Faculty, of mind and emotion;

And ligamental motion.

Every cell, in its design,

Stitched to burst - in praise -

Before You.

You have turned for me my mourning into dancing;

you have loosed my sackcloth

and clothed me with gladness,

that my glory may sing your praise and not be silent.

O LORD my God, I will give thanks to you forever!

(Psalm 30:11-12)

Confidence & Contentment

There is a passage that has been following me around the past week. It has given me a lot to think about, but even in my meditations on it, I feel as if I have barely scratched the surface of understanding this Scripture as a practical reality.

And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us. And if we know that he hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests that we have asked of him.

(1 John 5:14-15 ESV)

To have confidence in someone means you must know and trust them on a very intimate level. You know they won't fail you because they have shown themselves to be trustworthy. As I thought about this, I asked myself if I truly know the heart of my God towards His children. Well, obviously, yes. I feel I can honestly answer that because Scripture is very clear about God's character, which is fixed and eternal. We know Him to have no shadow of turning or change in His being. He truly is the same yesterday, today, and forever. In fact, one of my favorite psalms is #145 because it so clearly expresses how willing the Lord is to be the One who meets our every need and to work good in our lives. It's a psalm that I always find myself turning to when wrestling through a particular issue or struggle in my life. It's not a weighty battle to find out exactly who our Lord is. He has made Himself plain to us through His Son, Jesus Christ. Reading the Gospels alone should set us free of our doubts as to His character in the midst of our trials and struggles. So, I'm thinking, okay....check one, His character is so obviously trustworthy that our confidence towards Him should be without reserve!

However, there is the issue of asking Him according to His will so that He hears us. Or, so we might think there's an issue here. Praying according to will can be such a complex topic to cover. In the past, I have listened to so many various sermons on this and found myself spending more time trying to figure out how to pray for His will rather than actually praying for His will! One can imagine how exhausting and frustrating that can be. haha! Then, one day, John 15:1-5 became a living reality to me and, from that moment, there was no going back. You cannot pray the will and desires of someone that you do not know. As in any relationship, communion is vital to searching a person out. Even if it means spending time with that person in silence. I recently heard the preacher, Paul Washer, speak about this in a sermon called, "You Are Dearly Loved by God." He was preaching from the Song of Solomon and attempting to communicate the depth of the Lord's love not only for the Church as a whole, but for each particular soul that He has won. While stitching together the spiritual reality with the intimate and provocative poetry of the Song of Songs, he made a very interesting point. He was urging listeners to spend time alone with the Lord, but not to use the time to talk to God, to intercede, etc. In very strong words, he emphasized that we need to quiet ourselves before God and go to Him for Himself, His presence. He likened this to the relationship between him and his wife. He said that he put together a porch swing or hammock solely for the purpose of laying there with his wife resting over him, to swing back and forth in complete silence, completely swallowed up in the joy of simply being with her. That is all he wanted. It's amazing we don't grasp the simplicity of such a truth quicker. The image he painted of him and his wife, embracing a moment of silence and growing closer together through it, had such a profound effect on me. My first reaction was, "Ugh, if I could just get myself to shut up for one second, I could really find some happiness in the Lord's presence!" While that may be true, I have realized that even the Lord does not expect us to "get" this right away. As "simple" as Scripture truths are, there is the reality that we have to grow and mature into them. The Lord is patient with us (confidence in His character!) and takes us through barren and fruitful seasons of life to discover these things. Through those silent days of communing with Him, and through days of steady prayer and drinking deep from His Word, we will find ourselves beginning to grasp His will for us in fuller detail. It's through those times that His Word becomes personalized to us by the enlightening work of the Spirit within us. When Scripture is nestled in our soul and we pray His promises and words, we are praying His will. In searching Him out, we find that His will concerning our lives is not elusive. While there are countless passages that express His particular will for our lives, this is a small but specific list of ways that He calls us to live according to Romans 12:1-2, Eph 6:5-8, 1 Thess 4:3-7, 1 Thess 5:12-18, and Eph 5:15-17.

· Offer our bodies as living sacrifices.

· Not conform to pattern of this world.

· Be transformed by the renewing of our minds.

· Don't live foolishly, but wisely.

· Be obedient to our earthly masters

· Do all things as to the Lord rather than man.

· Be sanctified.

· Avoid sexual immorality.

· Control our bodies in a holy and honorable way.

· Don't defraud or take advantage of one another emotionally.

· Live holy lives.

· Respect our brothers and sisters in Christ, holding them in high regard.

· Live in peace with one another.

· Warn the idle.

· Encourage those who are timid.

· Help those who are weak.

· Be patient with everyone.

· Avoid revenge and be kind to one another.

· Always be joyful.

· Pray continually.

· Thank the Lord in all circumstances (especially the difficult ones).

This is how we should seek to live day to day, how we make decisions (job, education, etc), how we relate to others (unbelievers and believers), how we spend our free time, how we spend our money, and whatever it may be that we are pursuing in life. Of course, most of all, He wants us to be JOYFUL in Him. One of my favorite things to pray (because I know He hears me and I know it's something He means to give me!), is that He would give me fullness of joy and intimacy in Him, as well as a deeper devotion to Him, in whatever circumstance or matter (exciting or difficult!) I am walking through.

It's a terrible habit of mine to belittle my own thoughts and feelings, thinking them fleshly and petty. My fights with myself usually end in one HUGE exasperated sigh! It has only been more recently in my life that I have been able to view them through the lens of my Father, who does not deal with me in the same impatience and frustration that I often deal with myself. There is so much stress to avoid by embracing the verse that He is not one "who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses." In fact, when I'm stuck in the emotionally-heavy cycle of wondering when He will grant rest and healing to those close to me who are hurting, or when He will make something good out of some of the messes I see around me, or when He will provide a clear path in how I am to walk in particular desires/pursuits, or when/when not I am supposed to do something about this or that....etc etc etc...I find that there is an immense comfort in stopping to rest in my weaknesses and BE weak. Everything in me is appalled at the counter-productivity of such a statement, but it is true. Simply stop and let God be God to me in that place of deep longing, hurting, or need.

Experiencing restlessness in life automatically awakens desires in us for resolve and peace. But the lesson to be learned is that there will always be a matter in life in which we find ourselves restless and wondering about. There will always be something that causes us to wrestle with the truth of the character of our God, His particular will for us, and how we are suppose to walk it out. It is a good and necessary that we walk through this again and again.

Now, I know Him who I have believed. I know His specific will for me, even if some of the specific details are hazy, and I have a strong framework to build off of from Scripture. It is through this that I am beginning to grasp (at a basic level, but a level nonetheless!) what it means to experience godliness in contentment. I found this definition of what godliness with contentment means in all circumstances, whether it be waiting through trials (of the heart/soul or physical) or waiting to know where to walk in any particular matter of life.

{Godliness in contentment}...It is NOT bucking yourself up to be all happy and smiley with your situation. Contentment is not a command to be OK with something God Himself says is not good. You long for something that is normal to long for by the very nature of your creation by God. Yet in our fallen world, that God-given aspect of your nature is unfulfilled. Contentment is understanding that you are not left as an orphan in this longing. You can say, “This sucks!” Because it does, but you can say it hand in hand with God, who said it first but in nobler terms. And you can say it knowing that you are equipped by the gospel to do battle and not be overwhelmed in this season.

{It means}...to stay engaged with God in the wrestling. It's not to put to death longings that are part of your very God-given nature. And it's not to disengage with God because He refuses to answer those longings. It's to stay engaged with Him, alternately crying out in longing and resting in peace in His arms, calling on Him at every moment to meet the physical, spiritual, and emotional needs exposed by your unfulfilled longing.

Not left as an orphan in this longing. The longing to see Christ formed and the Word confirmed in the souls around me? The longing to see those at peace who have for so long been grieving or hurting? The longing to be free of various burdens? The longing to have Him meet the very desires that He formed in me? The longing to not feel conflicted and confused sometimes in where He is taking me?

Yes, lots of longings. Life is so full that, I think, it would be strange not be bursting with them. But, He is Father to me through them all.

I found some more Gospel commentary on this godly contentment through the longings:

Am I supposed to encourage myself to be content with this mess of a life? Well, if by contentment I mean passive acceptance, then NO, I'm not supposed to passively accept all the ways this life does not reflect King Jesus. But if by contentment I mean that I have faith that God has adequately supplied me and you through Christ's life and death and resurrection; that He has sufficiently equipped us by lavishing on us a spiritual bank account with great equity to face this struggle head on; that the same power that rose Christ from the dead is now the power supernaturally at work in us, equipping us to deal with these struggles – if THAT's contentment, now I understand why devotion to God coupled with that confidence is GREAT GAIN.

Godliness with contentment is great gain in deep, hurtful circumstances. But it's also GREAT GAIN in the daily, humdrum muck of life. Godliness with contentment does not mean pulling yourself up by your bootstraps. If the phrase fills you with guilt, you are missing the point. The gospel doesn't obligate me to contentment, it equips me for contentment.

In returning to the verse from 1 John 5, I am learning to see how His ear is inclined to our requests because He is a Father who delights in the joy of His children. This is His aim in all that He does in our lives:

These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.

(John 15:11 ESV)

In connection to 1 John 5:15, I am beginning to find comfort in how we can be certain that we have what we have requested of Him.

One moment

I didn't have to plead with him to join me. All I did was invite him into a field of dandelions and he immediately followed. I realized then that it is the innocent wonder of a 6-year-old's heart that captivates me. While his attention span is usually short, it felt as if he would have sat with me there for hours, picking each dandelion and blowing them carefully. In that moment, I was seeing a bit of heaven, a sprinkle of the divine on the rough texture of this earth. Eyes of awe and smile of contentment. He wrapped his little arms around me and looked up at me, searching for my gaze. I smiled back. The silence was filled with a resounding joy and, after all my years of searching, I realized I was again encountering true Life. Encountering Christ in the moment. Holding up the moment, a gift, and offering it back to Him. A sanctuary of thanksgiving. And, He showed it to me through a 6 year-old boy, leaving my heart aching for my true Home.

I realized something recently. I am tired. Soul-tired. And, very much hungry. This is due to such a complicated web of reasons. But, I am tired of sifting through those reasons and dwelling upon everything except the One whom I love. I find, more and more, my hunger is for the simplicity of moments like the one I recorded above. Just to follow His invitation to enjoy Him and become completely unburdened there. Just one moment of complete, un-distracted devotion. And, before I go to Him, I already know He will satisfy. I already know that He will be as a sweet healing balm to my soul. I believe our Father delights to know that we expect to see His face like the sun shining in full strength (Rev 1:16) when we rest beside Him.

Whoso hath known that comforting.

The inward touch that maketh whole,

How can he ever choose but sing

To Thee, O Lover of his soul?

~ Amy Carmichael

Harlot

One of the most powerful and moving pieces of music that I have ever heard. This song has been ringing through my heart lately. I love how Misty had perfectly captured the intense love and compassion of Christ for His bride through His encounter with Mary Magdalene. Yet, this song is so personalized that it's not hard to be thinking and feeling and seeing through Mary. His intercession for us is truly beautiful! I want to be so near to the heart of my Lord that I write songs this Gospel-soaked. These are 19 minutes that bring tears to my eyes.

...he poured out his soul to death

and was numbered with the transgressors;

yet he bore the sin of many,

and makes intercession for the transgressors.

(Isaiah 53:12 ESV)

Songs

January 7

Psa 45: A Song concerning the Beloved (The title as given in the Septuagint)

Psa 40.17: The Lord thinketh upon me. The Lord will take care of me.

Two dear and lovely things from my Quiet this morning: "A Song concerning the Beloved"; "The Lord will take care of me."

We have many songs concerning our Beloved; we often sing then, and listen to them being sung. All such songs were written in the Heavenly places where we "sit" when we are nearest to our Lord. In no other place can a true song concerning the Beloved be written. In no other place can it be truly sung of Him or truly sung to Him. It is a Heavenly thing from beginning to end. That is why to sing it, or to hear it sung, is the joy and the rejoicing of the heart.

But sometimes such a joy is penetrated by a question like a spear-point: "It is so to-day, but what of to-morrow? What if I, who have sung a song concerning the Beloved, fail Him in the end?" This is the answer, the sure and blessed answer to the tempter who always, if he can, interrupts the sweetness of our songs: "The Lord thinketh upon me" - "the Lord will take care of me", even of me. Is that not enough?
~ Amy Carmichael, Edges of His Way

In Love

He says, "Abide in me, and I in you...as the Father has loved me, so I have loved you. Abide in my love."
What a curious thing it is that our human hearts resist to be abandoned to this kind of love. And, yet, we'd hopelessly splurge and give ourselves away to anyone and anything on earth that asks for it, at whatever loss or cost. And, even when those things don't satisfy, or perhaps lead us to life-long misery, we still continue to give to them. What a grieving cycle the human heart lives in! No matter what "good intentions" we may have, it is all vain and unfulfilling. I look around at my generation and it is no wonder why so many are disillusioned and miserable. It's no wonder why I was once the very same.

I remember when I had resisted this love, calvary love. I resisted because I knew it was going to mean the death of me. Because it would mean I would no longer be free to do as I will. Because it would mean He would be ruling and I would be submitting. But, why does that sound so terrible? He is so trustworthy. To be free in His will is vastly more wondrous than being free in my own will. Only a repentant heart learns this, though.

Now, on the other side of that breaking and awakening, I feel like a child. I closely resemble the apostle Peter. I don't have anything to boast of in this life. But, I'm on a love-journey, and have been for quite some time now. This love-journey is massively unpredictable and a little topsy-turvey. I am walking with my Maker; how much more strange can it get? Sometimes, I sense that the Lord keeps me in a perpetual state of disillusionment in regards to all things earthly. When frustration has drifted in and out, I seen more clearly that He would have me free from the illusions of my own making. He would have me disrobed of all the expectations that seem "normal" in order to lead me to happiness. This is why I was significantly moved by the lyrics to a Misty Edwards' song: "And happy am I, to live a hungry life/Blessed am I, to thirst/Disillusionment, it is my gift within/I am blessed/I am blessed among men!" Disillusionment, a gift? Yes, one of the best gifts that He has given me. I have heard Him whisper into my life, "I want your heart. I long for it and I will have it." So, I don't run anymore. I'm a little stuffed up with Self at times, but He makes His way in. It is a beautiful gift to belong to Him, to take His name, and to no longer be identified in anyway with myself.

At the start of 2011, I remember prayerfully asking my Lord to take me deeper into His love, to grow me up into Him. In every way, this year has appeared to be more of a hindrance to that prayer than an encourager. It has been the weight of so many things pressing in at all sides. My heart was desperate because I couldn't even sense His presence and love at times. Yet, it was all necessary to this love-journey. And, I remember, His love is so unlike this world's love. His love leads us through many deaths and resurrections. His love leads us through tempests. One of my favorite lines of poetry even testifies to this unearthly love:

Love is not love

Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken (Shakespeare, Sonnet 116)

So, I am in love. Living in it, searching it out, yielding to it. And, this love has a name...Yeshua.

I'm in love with a Man
I'm in love with a Stranger
I'm in love with my Maker
Whom I have never seen
I'm in love with a Lamb
I'm in love with a Lion
I'm in love with my Savior
Whom I have yet to know

There is no shadow of turning in You
No rebellion or pride
You don’t know greed or envy or strife
Your intentions are pure and holy

Delighting to do the Father’s will
You don’t have a thought against Him
But humbly You live in perfect restraint
Waiting for promises given

You’re gentle, You’re meek, yet Your heart is strong
Jesus, Your gladness is contagious
You are not selfish, You can’t compromise
You are the truth, You can’t lie

You don’t hold a grudge or have a cynical eye
Bitterness has no part of You
But You’re quick to forgive, let me back in again
Your kindness is so liberating

Jesus, You have a beautiful heart
Jesus, You have a beautiful heart

For I am in love with you,
and there is no cost.
I am in love with you,
and there is no loss.
I am in love with you,
I want to take your name.
I am in love with you,
I want to cling to you, Jesus,
Just let me cling to you, Jesus.

For a long time, I’ve been waiting for You
You have won my heart, and I am following
For a long time, I’ve been crying out for You
Tears make my heart soft
And I am ready for the return of the Lover

Fashioned from the very fabric of God
At the start of time, set free to decide
I will love You, ’cause You’re the One who loved me first
Just one look from Your eyes
I’m captivated by the eyes of the Lover
Take my heart, my mind and strength too

I was made for loving You
I will wait, and I’ll be faithful
I was made for loving You

Bowing low in the presence of the One
At the end of time, I’ll hear the bells chime for our wedding
It will wait no longer now
Oh how I love You
I’ll finally fall into the arms of the Lover

Come as close as You want,
Consume this heart that longs to burn
I know Your fire can hurt,
But I would be worse here without You

For I was made to dwell with You,
And how I ache until I do

Holy God, Take my heart,
Purge with flame and truth!
Holy heart is all I want,
That I may live with You!

Come and take all this chains
That get in the way of what You want
And as I stand in the flame
Still I will say, “I trust You God!”

And then I saw Him there, hanging on a tree, looking at me
I saw Him there, hanging on a tree, looking at me
He was looking at me, looking at Him, staring through me
I could not escape those beautiful eyes
And I began to weep and weep

He had arms wide open, a heart exposed
Arms wide open; He was bleeding, bleeding

Love’s definition, love’s definition was looking at me
Looking at Him, hanging on a tree
I began to weep and weep and weep and weep

This is how I know what love is, this is how I know what love is

And as I sat there weeping, crying
Those beautiful eyes, full of desire and love
He said to me:

“You shall love Me, You shall love Me
You shall love Me, You shall love Me”

(compilation of lyrics by Misty Edwards)

Feed the real hunger of Christ

It has been over 14 years since my family and I last celebrated Christmas. For various reasons (many of them Scriptural), we decided it would be best not to observe it as a holiday in our home. And yet, we're not anti-Christmas (okay, well, maybe I am a bit Scrooge-like, hehe!). Christmas has never held meaning for me, but I, honestly, don't mind going to holiday parties with friends and taking part in Christmas-related gatherings. I don't really have anything against it other than for the fact that it's terribly commercialized and watered down. It's never appealed to me...except maybe for the opportunity to have wonderful food, gifts, and family around. But it just doesn't hold much for me, personally. Nevertheless, I love an authentic, Gospel-saturated Christmas-related message when I hear one. Or, in this case, read one. And, these are words that are meant to touch and move in us on a daily basis. Isn't this what it means to be His disciple? I want to live simply and less self-focused so that I find His fullness.

When Christmas Gets Radical: Whose Birthday Is It Really?

I’d rather only fill a child’s tummy than fill my house with anymore things.

Maybe that’s always the only choice we have to make every Christmas: feed our own fickle wishes or feed the real hunger of Christ?

Nothing can be claimed, taken, received, had; everything we have is gift to us from heaven. All that we have has no other source but the hand of God (Jn 3:27).

So “Christian hands never clasp and He doesn’t give us gifts for our gain because a gift can never stop being a gift— it is always meant to be given.”

When we pass our gifts on — the gifts from Him remaining a gift and being given again — we are the ones given even more of the source of all gifts — more of God Himself. Filled.

When we give to Christ in the hungry, He satisfies our own hunger pangs.

A decade of this, our little family turning the Christmas tree upside down and letting gifts all fall into the hands of the poor.

~Ann Voskamp

Delight

I will be

The gladdest thing under the sun.

I will embrace

A multitude of joys and not miss one.

There -

In that field where hidden lies

The Pearl of great price.

Haven of my desires,

Encompassed in Thy holy fire.

Barefoot,

I trod Thy sacred ground

Where full delight is found.