Wednesday, February 24, 2010

"While the seasons undo your soul..."

February has been an exhausting month. I'm afraid I must take a break from my post-study on Love. I had desired to continue on it with more depth, but I simply cannot believe how much college is demanding from me this semester. So, I'm afraid, for the present, all my readers will get are my various snippets of ramblings. :-/
I applied for graduation today. By mid-May, I'll have completed and graduated with my AA in Audio Production Technology. Just getting your AA is difficult enough....I cannot imagine going on to obtain a BA or MA. The mere thought of it is exhausting in itself! Anyway...I digress...
It's been one of those weeks that you cannot quite describe. It's been filled with such delight - a Jane Austen tea party, my 21st b-day spending a special evening out with the family - so many events - interning for a recording company - much valuable learning - my audio and music studies at community college - and, yet, there's something missing. The source of ultimate Life. O how I need it at the start of my day - a fresh outpouring of His divine Spirit within this vessel! But so often my flesh denies being humbled before the Lord at dawn, before the day begins and I am swept away by the tide of busyness. My heart longs desperately for a simple life - a complete, set-apart life. None of this going to college stuff. I confess (much to my independent-get-out-the-house-17 year old self's shame, haha), my heart is so deeply rooted in home life. Not idle, self-indulgent home life, but real, productive, edifying, rich home-life that is now merely looked upon as an old fable. Old-fashioned, simple living is not valued in this modern age and it's quite impossible, particularly for us city-folks (*tear*). However, at the same time, my heart is drawn to (no matter the physical circumstances) a Spirit-founded, Spirit-led, set-apart, rock-solid life of deep prayer and intercession. O how I long to be a poured out vessel for my Lord upon those He calls me to! And yet, how can I be lest His life be within me daily, my soul immersed in Him?
I cannot help but think of a song by Irish worship leader, Robin Mark, whenever I ponder how the indwelling of the Spirit within us.

There's a house on a hill and it hasn't
Been lived in for a long long time.
And the windows are all broken,
And the paint has lost its shine.
And there's nothing ever heard there,
For there's nothing ever said.
For the life of the house left a long time ago
And the heart of the house is dead.

O House of the Lord, can't you feel it
How our heart is growing cold
For when the Spirit comes He quickens
But when the Spirit leaves, life goes.

There's a room at the top and the door
Has been locked and it will never open up
For no matter who will knock there,
Well it always stays tight shut
And there's no-one ever answered,
So now there's no-one ever goes
For the room in the house shut a long time ago
And the mind of the house is closed.

There's a room in the house where the fire
Used to burn and the children used to play
And the family would gather,
To hear the words the Father would say
But now the room is cold and empty,
And the embers glow faint red
For the fire of the house failed a long time ago
And the heart of the house is dead.
~ House of the Lord, Robin Mark

I don't want to be dead! I don't want to grow cold! Some days I just don't know how to pray. All I can cry is, "Lord, help me! I need your Life! I only want You!"
I've been collecting verses on the house of the Lord, the place where His glory dwells, during my devotional time. His Words are such an abundance of glorious Life!

O LORD, I love the habitation of your house and the place where your glory dwells. ~ Psalm 26:8

"Let us go to his dwelling place;let us worship at his footstool!"
~ Psalm 132:7

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say to the LORD, "My refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust."

Because you have made the LORD your dwelling place—
the Most High, who is my refuge—
no evil shall be allowed to befall you,
no plague come near your tent.
~ Psalm 91:1-2, 9-10

My dwelling place shall be with them, and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. Then the nations will know that I am the LORD who sanctifies Israel, when my sanctuary is in their midst forevermore."
- Ezekiel 37:27-28

How lovely is your dwelling place,
O LORD of hosts!
My soul longs, yes, faints
for the courts of the LORD;
my heart and flesh sing for joy
to the living God.

Even the sparrow finds a home,
and the swallow a nest for herself,
where she may lay her young,
at your altars, O LORD of hosts,
my King and my God.
Blessed are those who dwell in your house,
ever singing your praise!

Blessed are those whose strength is in you,
in whose heart are the highways to Zion.
As they go through the Valley of Baca
they make it a place of springs;
the early rain also covers it with pools.
They go from strength to strength;
each one appears before God in Zion.

O LORD God of hosts, hear my prayer;
give ear, O God of Jacob!

Behold our shield, O God;
look on the face of your anointed!

For a day in your courts is better
than a thousand elsewhere.
I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God
than dwell in the tents of wickedness.
For the LORD God is a sun and shield;
the LORD bestows favor and honor.
No good thing does he withhold
from those who walk uprightly.
O LORD of hosts,
blessed is the one who trusts in you!