Moving...

Okay, just kidding.^_^
I am still blogging. I just needed some fresh inspiration and an entire new blogger account. hah! From now on, I will be posting at my new place..follow me at the link below, if you'd like! :)

Minstrel of Grace

Departure from the world of blogging...

I have mused quite awhile on whether I would continue posting on this blog. However, due to the amount of pursuits I am currently investing in, I feel it is best to end my postings on this blog here. I am thinking of starting another blog at some point, perhaps when I have more clarity on exactly what I want to chronicle and share. I have had so many things on my heart as of late and, in time, would enjoy being able to express them. My Father has been instructing and growing me in so much. Yet, for now, I must draw this blog to an end. I began it nearly 3.5 years ago as a way to connect with others and share personal things that I was learning through life. It truly was therapeutic for me, as well as beneficial to my writing! I will continue to keep it up for awhile only to have access to previous posts that I made.
Thank you my fellow blogger-friends! :)

As a side note, my only current blog will be the one for my essential oil journey/business, Ancient Essentials via this link. Please follow me through there for those who are interested in alternative/natural health.

Ancient Essentials

Love and blessings!

What I Wore...for my February wedding!

Allow me to indulge in some girlishness for a moment. 

Selecting what to wear on your wedding day is the most delightful process ever! 

 While I have been planning my wedding for years, Nolan and I began the planning process with very similar tastes and a shared vision. We wanted it to have a Rustic, Bohemian, Elvish (from the Lord of the Rings)-inspired feel to it! It was such a wonderful process to include all these details to our day. While I could carry on about every aspect of our wedding, I want to narrow the focus on what I put together for my bridal look, mostly to give a Shout-Out to the wonderful shops/people that helped complete my look!

In March 2012, just weeks after Nolan and I began courting, I stumbled (yes, I stumbled - no, I wasn't seriously wedding dress shopping) across one of the most beautiful bridal gown designs on a wedding blog I had been following for some time. The dress was the Allison Bridal Gown. I remember that I almost internally exploded when I saw this dress online. It took everything in me to hold it in and be patient in spilling the news to my sister (who is always the first to hear of such grand news!). I have always dreamed of an empire-waist wedding gown, but, in regards to the details, I had no other image in my head to go by until I saw this one. Custom designed by Rebecca Cheek, this gown is made of pure silk and, as the description from her page puts it, "an ideal choice for a girl who is an undeniable romantic at heart..." Everything in me said, YES! The only thing that made me a little scared was the price-range. However, in my usual manner, I quickly calculated how much I had in savings and how much it would take to make up the rest. Easy. No one was going to tell me No on this one. I quickly contacted the shop-owner/designer, Rebecca, for more details and, by August, I placed the order (yes, about a month before I was engaged - awesome, right?). As she and I discussed the details of the gown (what colors I wanted for the ribbons running down the back and around the waist), I felt like I was corresponding with a friend. She's the sweetest lady ever!! I definitely would recommend Schone Bridal to any brides-to-be who would love a romantic, vintage feel to their gown. While waiting for my gown to be made, I was a little nervous about how much I just spent on a wedding dress; however, the day it finally arrived made it worth it all! I am so thankful I was able to wear such a breath-taking gown and I know I will find an occasion to wear it again. In fact, that's what I love about this dress. It's more than just a wedding dress. It's an heirloom. It's a gown to wear to a regency ball. It's a dress to wear to the opera or symphony. And, it's simply something beautiful to wear for an epic photo-shoot! Yes, I will be sure to get a lot of mileage out of this one.

 The flower wreath I chose for my gown came from an adorable Etsy shop by the name of Gardens of Whimsy. Originally, I had wanted to make my own bridal head wreath, but when I realize how cheap the flower and materials were from Hobby Lobby and Michaels, I decided to spend the extra money and order one made by a professional. It was worth it! This ivory flower head wreath was absolutely stunning. It matched perfectly with my gown and it really tied in that bohemian-influenced look I was trying to capture!

 About 8 years ago, my sister, cousin, and I declared that we would all wear Arwen's Evenstar on each of our wedding days. In the story, the Evenstar is a symbol of Arwen's love to Aragorn, as well her devotion to living a mortal life with him (since she is an Elf). As devoted fans of the Lord of the Rings, we promised to see this through! In fact, my cousin wore her necklace at her own spring wedding last May. As for me, I had yet to purchase my own Evenstar necklace and, due to quickly running out of money (haha), decided that it would be best to borrow my sister's Evenstar necklace for my day. Nevertheless, my cousin and sister had other plans! They went as far to buy me my own Evenstar and blessed me with it on my bridal shower! I couldn't believe it! Having received it as a gift from my two sisters means the world to me! I will forever treasure my Evenstar.

  While it wasn't captured in detail in many of the photos, I wore earrings from The Jubilee Market, a nonprofit organization to help victims of sex-trafficking. Every item on their website is hand-made by the beautiful women they reach out to help from around the world. The earrings I wore had a very ethnic feel to them with a slight hint of lavender and silver.

I am not a big "shoe" girl. Just give me something simple, cute, and functional. So, I found my sandals at Payless Shoes for $20 and was very happy. They matched with my rustic theme and they were easy to walk in throughout the wedding day. I purchased some ivory flowers from Hobby Lobby and my mother sewed them to the top center of the sandals to really make them pop! And, they did! They were hidden underneath my dress most of the day anyway, so I didn't want to go out and buy something ridiculous expensive that would barely be seen. They were probably only seen during our foot-washing ceremony, the dances, and several times that I would walk around and the wind blew through my dress.

The sweater I wore during the post-ceremony time was from a seller in China through Ebay. I cannot remember the name of the place, unfortunately. I did a search online for ivory sweaters and found this one, which was most affordable.  It served its purpose well - the weekend of our wedding was pretty cold! Well, cold for us Arizonans. ;) It was around 60 degrees, but thankfully it was sunny!

 The pendant around my bouquet was a gift Nolan bought for me in April '12, which was before he moved out here to AZ. He found it at a shop in Santa Fe, NM and gave it to me the week after we became engaged in August '12. On the back of the pendant he wrote Proverbs 31:10. I knew I wanted to display this significant gift on our wedding. :) It matched well with the engagement/wedding ring that Nolan personally designed for me (more about the ring here).

All the lavender at our wedding and for the bouquets were purchased through Mount Madonna Lavender. A wonderfully affordable alternative to fresh flowers. While I adore fresh flowers, I really desired a more rustic feel from the dried lavender (which was equally, if not moreso, fragrant!), tied together with ivory lace from Hobby Lobby. The meaning behind Lavender is love and devotion. It's also associated with purity. For Nolan and myself, this holds true. I love that Lavender represents Devotion because that is what we desire our relationship to reflect - Pure Devotion to Christ and to each other. 

All the photography was done by the amazing Casey Graham at I Do Photography! What a pleasure to work with someone with so much joy and radiance for what she does! 

And, thus ends my girlish squeal. ^_^

Essential Oils Goodness!

 To all those who love alternative paths for medicine and healing, I would love to invite you all to learn about the pure, therapuetic grade quality of Young Living's Essential Oils and EO-infused products and supplements! If you, or anyone you know, would be interested in becoming a member and learning how to save money through this endeavor, please check out my blog/Facebook page or email me at: ancientessentials@yahoo.com 
 I want to share all the joys and benefits I have experienced with these oils - whether applying them topically, taking internally (because Young Living's EOs quality is pure and safe enough to do so), or diffusing them at home. In one of the start-up kits, you even receive a $40-coupon towards any one of their beautiful diffusers.
 My journey with these oils continues to expand as I learn more every day about them. I love the vast opportunity they give you to grow in knowledge and which oils work best for what. I even use them in homemade cleaning products! I love the versatility of them and how they are gentle and safe enough for kids and pets because of their pure quality! Please, consider learning about them today. Thank you! :)

Ancient Essentials on Blogspot

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And almost a year later...

 I am now a Mrs.! After a wonderful year of courtship, I married the love of my life this past February amongst an intimate setting of family, friends, tall trees, and peach blossoms. In chronicling our love story, and now beginning our new life together, I am in awe of the Lord's faithfulness and grace surrounding us.
 I am not quite sure what I am to do with my Blog or blogging in general. I still have a desire to keep it and continue sharing posts, but I find that it is not as high of a priority in my new married life. But, while I'm transitioning and figuring out this new life, I'll keep it in the meantime. I am definitely feeling freshly inspired in this new season! :-)

From one season to another...

2012 is a strange year for me. So unlike everything I could have ever imagined it could have been. With each passing month, I come upon new discoveries about myself, others, and this fleeting vapor we call life. I feel like I am passing through from one day to the next, trying to take in everything that is coming at me in this season of my youth - so many joys, so many sorrows! My heart is full as it is heavy and, yet, free and happy to just be! I adore the quiet stillness as much as I revel in the loudness! I want to embrace it all - every thorn and every jewel - to offer it up back to Him, the One to whom I belong, in one word of thanksgiving. But, there's so much. Life is so full. How can I possibly be thankful enough? How can I possibly learn enough? How can I possibly laugh enough? And weep enough? Oh, He knows. He knows. That is the source of my comfort. I am so glad Yeshua holds me heart when I feel so overwhelmed. 

And, due to this very reason, I am taking a long break from blogging to live to the fullest this gift called Life that I have through Him. I do miss blogging. I haven't made a decent post in months. However, I have found it increasingly difficult to keep this blog, which is very sad considering that blogging has always been therapeutic for me. And, I do miss perusing the endless streams of blogs that I follow. Yes, I'm quite addicted to photo and food blogs. One cannot try to maintain a blog AND obsessively explore other cute blogs while trying to juggle the many demands of a busy life!! It's just not realistic. hehe! But, while I may not be blogging regularly right now, I will keep my eyes open for breaks along my future path that may allow for it. Perhaps, at that point, I may start a new blog. Who knows but Him. Right now, I'm just absorbing what He is teaching and showing me. And, I am so enjoying this walk with my Lord from one degree of glory to another. 

And so, for now, I must depart with a poem shared with me by my dearest friend. 

Our lives, discolored with our present woes,
May still grow white and shine with happier hours,
So the pure limped stream, when foul with stains
Of rushing torrents and descending rains,
Works itself clear, and as it runs refines,
Til by degrees the floating mirror shines,
Reflects each flower that on the border grows,
And a new heaven in its fair bosom shows.
~ Joseph Addison

Confronted

‎The Lord knows very well that you cannot change your own heart and cannot cleanse your own nature, but He also knows that He can do both. ~ Charles Spurgeon

Be ready for the violence of grace. It will do what it needs to do to rescue you from the one thing you cannot escape; YOU. ~ Paul Tripp

For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me.

So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members.

(Romans 7:18-23 ESV)

Since we have such a hope, we are very bold, not like Moses, who would put a veil over his face so that the Israelites might not gaze at the outcome of what was being brought to an end. But their minds were hardened. For to this day, when they read the old covenant, that same veil remains unlifted, because only through Christ is it taken away. Yes, to this day whenever Moses is read a veil lies over their hearts. But when one turns to the Lord, the veil is removed. Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.

(2 Corinthians 3:12-18 ESV)

But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God, who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God.

And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth...For from his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace. For the law was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ.

(John 1:12-14, 16-17 ESV)

So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.

(2 Corinthians 4:16-18 ESV)

Stability

When I am confronted by the depth of my own weakness and the impurity of my own heart, it feels as if I will be shaken senseless! Sometimes, it seems unbearable, but then a word illuminates the darkness that imparts a gentle support. You will not be moved. You will not be shaken. You will be as mount Zion, which abides forever. Stability is a word that continues to ring through my mind in the ups and downs of life. Stability is something I have never been. And, it's certainly not a word I would ever use to describe myself or dare to hope that I could ever be. But, it's something I long for, something I cry out for daily! I am drawn to that very attribute in my Lord and it is what holds me in His presence. His faithfulness and His stability...these wonderful parts of His character are so comforting and reassuring! When my own nature is fragile and brittle, He is the stability of my days!

The LORD is exalted, for he dwells on high;

he will fill Zion with justice and righteousness,

and he will be the stability of your times,

abundance of salvation, wisdom, and knowledge;

the fear of the LORD is Zion's treasure.

(Isaiah 33:5-6)

Pilgrims

I am so moved by the wonderful images that come to mind when pondering the word Pilgrim from Hebrews 11. I found this good, visionary layout of the Pilgrim-mindset in a blog from desiringgod.org. It's strangely comforting to consider how the Gospel takes wretched sinners, comfortable and perfectly nestled into the brokenness of this world, and transforms them into strangers, aliens, and pilgrims of this world. We are, to put it simply, otherworldly.

In September of 1733, Jonathan Edwards preached a sermon called "The Christian Pilgrim, Or, The True Christian's Life a Journey Toward Heaven." It was based on Hebrews 11:13-14:

These all died in faith, not having received the promises, but having seen them and greeted them from afar, and having confessed that they were strangers and pilgrims on the earth.

Let his vision shape yours.

Pilgrims are not diverted from their aim.

A traveler . . . is not enticed by fine appearances to put off the thought of proceeding. No, but his journey's end is in his mind. If he meets with comfortable accommodations at an inn, he entertains no thoughts of settling there. He considers that these things are not his own, that he is but a stranger, and when he has refreshed himself, or tarried for a night, he is for going forward. (Works, Banner of Truth, p. 243)

Pilgrims are to hold the things of this world loosely.

So should we desire heaven more than the comforts and enjoyments of this life. . . . Our hearts ought to be loose to these things, as that of a man on a journey, that we may as cheerfully part with them whenever God calls. (243)

Pilgrims become like what they hope to attain.

We should be endeavoring to come nearer to heaven, in being more heavenly, becoming more and more like the inhabitants of heaven in respect of holiness and conformity to God, the knowledge of God and Christ, in clear views of the glory of God, the beauty of Christ, and the excellency of divine things, as we come nearer to the beatific vision. - We should labor to be continually growing in divine love - that this may be an increasing flame in our hearts, till they ascend wholly in this flame. (244)

Pilgrims will not be satisfied with anything less than God.

God is the highest good of the reasonable creature, and the enjoyment of him is the only happiness with which our souls can be satisfied. - To go to heaven fully to enjoy God, isinfinitely better than the most pleasant accommodations here. Fathers and mothers, husbands, wives, children, or the company of earthly friends, are but shadows. But the enjoyment of God is the substance. These are but scattered beams, but God is the sun. These are but streams, but God is the fountain. These are but drops, but God is the ocean. . . . Why should we labor for, or set our hearts on anything else, but that which is our proper end, and true happiness? (244)

Pilgrims are not grieved by their arrival at the journey's end.

To spend our lives so as to be only a journeying towards heaven, is the way to be free from bondage and to have the prospect and forethought of death comfortable. Does the traveler think of his journey's end with fear and terror? Is it terrible to him to think that he has almost got to his journey's end? Were the children of Israel sorry after forty years' travel in the wilderness, when they had almost got to Canaan? (246)

Pilgrims ponder what they pursue.

Labor to be much acquainted with heaven. - If you are not acquainted with it, you will not be likely to spend your life as a journey thither. You will not be sensible of its worth, nor will you long for it. Unless you are much conversant in your mind with a better good, it will be exceeding difficult to you to have your hearts loose from these things, to use them only in subordination to something else, and be ready to part with them for the sake of that better good. - Labor therefore to obtain a realizing sense of a heavenly world, to get a firm belief of its reality, and to be very much conversant with it in your thoughts. (246)

Pilgrims travel together.

Let Christians help one another in going this journey. . . . Company is very desirable in a journey, but in none so much as this. - Let them go united and not fall out by the way, which would be to hinder one another, but use all means they can to help each other up the hill. - This would ensure a more successful traveling and a more joyful meeting at their Father's house in glory. (246)

Edges of His Way

Luke 4:30 - Jesus passing through the midst of them went His way.

Our new month will bring us joys, for the Lord of joy is with us; it will also bring us sorrows, for sorrows are part of life. It may bring things which would "throw us down" if they could. But they need not ever do that, for it is possible for us to do just what our Master did when, passing through the midst of them, He went His way.

As, by His grace, we go on in quietness, we shall find those words we know so well come true. "My Presence shall go with thee, and I will give thee rest." (Exodus 33:14)

~ Amy Carmichael

Words for the day...

You flowed into my wilderness

Your crystal waters gave me rest

I found my peace upon Your shores

For lesser things I thirst no more

You make me want to laugh and cry

You make me want to dance and bow

You make me want to shout and sigh

Overwhelmed by Your beauty

Na na na Na na na, Na na na

Beautiful River

You turn the bitter waters sweet

Of every sour stream You meet

Polluted mind and stagnant soul

Are purified in Your control

I love the loneliness I see

In river bend and waterfall

I plunge my life into the deep

And from Your depth I live in awe

~Godfrey Birtill

On the last day of the feast, the great day, Jesus stood up and cried out, “If anyone thirsts, let him come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, ‘Out of his heart will flow rivers of living water.’”

(John 7:37-38)

Stitched to burst in Praise

What a weighty reflection it is to consider that there is a not a single aspect of our being, even in the messiness of our fallen nature, that was not made to give Him all the glory!

I am birthed, disfigured,

Into filth, toxic to all;

Yet, fashioned to hold,

Carved to pour forth -

Praise, exaltation, worship -

From every pore,

Sound, vocal and abdominal;

Faculty, of mind and emotion;

And ligamental motion.

Every cell, in its design,

Stitched to burst - in praise -

Before You.

You have turned for me my mourning into dancing;

you have loosed my sackcloth

and clothed me with gladness,

that my glory may sing your praise and not be silent.

O LORD my God, I will give thanks to you forever!

(Psalm 30:11-12)

Confidence & Contentment

There is a passage that has been following me around the past week. It has given me a lot to think about, but even in my meditations on it, I feel as if I have barely scratched the surface of understanding this Scripture as a practical reality.

And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us. And if we know that he hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests that we have asked of him.

(1 John 5:14-15 ESV)

To have confidence in someone means you must know and trust them on a very intimate level. You know they won't fail you because they have shown themselves to be trustworthy. As I thought about this, I asked myself if I truly know the heart of my God towards His children. Well, obviously, yes. I feel I can honestly answer that because Scripture is very clear about God's character, which is fixed and eternal. We know Him to have no shadow of turning or change in His being. He truly is the same yesterday, today, and forever. In fact, one of my favorite psalms is #145 because it so clearly expresses how willing the Lord is to be the One who meets our every need and to work good in our lives. It's a psalm that I always find myself turning to when wrestling through a particular issue or struggle in my life. It's not a weighty battle to find out exactly who our Lord is. He has made Himself plain to us through His Son, Jesus Christ. Reading the Gospels alone should set us free of our doubts as to His character in the midst of our trials and struggles. So, I'm thinking, okay....check one, His character is so obviously trustworthy that our confidence towards Him should be without reserve!

However, there is the issue of asking Him according to His will so that He hears us. Or, so we might think there's an issue here. Praying according to will can be such a complex topic to cover. In the past, I have listened to so many various sermons on this and found myself spending more time trying to figure out how to pray for His will rather than actually praying for His will! One can imagine how exhausting and frustrating that can be. haha! Then, one day, John 15:1-5 became a living reality to me and, from that moment, there was no going back. You cannot pray the will and desires of someone that you do not know. As in any relationship, communion is vital to searching a person out. Even if it means spending time with that person in silence. I recently heard the preacher, Paul Washer, speak about this in a sermon called, "You Are Dearly Loved by God." He was preaching from the Song of Solomon and attempting to communicate the depth of the Lord's love not only for the Church as a whole, but for each particular soul that He has won. While stitching together the spiritual reality with the intimate and provocative poetry of the Song of Songs, he made a very interesting point. He was urging listeners to spend time alone with the Lord, but not to use the time to talk to God, to intercede, etc. In very strong words, he emphasized that we need to quiet ourselves before God and go to Him for Himself, His presence. He likened this to the relationship between him and his wife. He said that he put together a porch swing or hammock solely for the purpose of laying there with his wife resting over him, to swing back and forth in complete silence, completely swallowed up in the joy of simply being with her. That is all he wanted. It's amazing we don't grasp the simplicity of such a truth quicker. The image he painted of him and his wife, embracing a moment of silence and growing closer together through it, had such a profound effect on me. My first reaction was, "Ugh, if I could just get myself to shut up for one second, I could really find some happiness in the Lord's presence!" While that may be true, I have realized that even the Lord does not expect us to "get" this right away. As "simple" as Scripture truths are, there is the reality that we have to grow and mature into them. The Lord is patient with us (confidence in His character!) and takes us through barren and fruitful seasons of life to discover these things. Through those silent days of communing with Him, and through days of steady prayer and drinking deep from His Word, we will find ourselves beginning to grasp His will for us in fuller detail. It's through those times that His Word becomes personalized to us by the enlightening work of the Spirit within us. When Scripture is nestled in our soul and we pray His promises and words, we are praying His will. In searching Him out, we find that His will concerning our lives is not elusive. While there are countless passages that express His particular will for our lives, this is a small but specific list of ways that He calls us to live according to Romans 12:1-2, Eph 6:5-8, 1 Thess 4:3-7, 1 Thess 5:12-18, and Eph 5:15-17.

· Offer our bodies as living sacrifices.

· Not conform to pattern of this world.

· Be transformed by the renewing of our minds.

· Don't live foolishly, but wisely.

· Be obedient to our earthly masters

· Do all things as to the Lord rather than man.

· Be sanctified.

· Avoid sexual immorality.

· Control our bodies in a holy and honorable way.

· Don't defraud or take advantage of one another emotionally.

· Live holy lives.

· Respect our brothers and sisters in Christ, holding them in high regard.

· Live in peace with one another.

· Warn the idle.

· Encourage those who are timid.

· Help those who are weak.

· Be patient with everyone.

· Avoid revenge and be kind to one another.

· Always be joyful.

· Pray continually.

· Thank the Lord in all circumstances (especially the difficult ones).

This is how we should seek to live day to day, how we make decisions (job, education, etc), how we relate to others (unbelievers and believers), how we spend our free time, how we spend our money, and whatever it may be that we are pursuing in life. Of course, most of all, He wants us to be JOYFUL in Him. One of my favorite things to pray (because I know He hears me and I know it's something He means to give me!), is that He would give me fullness of joy and intimacy in Him, as well as a deeper devotion to Him, in whatever circumstance or matter (exciting or difficult!) I am walking through.

It's a terrible habit of mine to belittle my own thoughts and feelings, thinking them fleshly and petty. My fights with myself usually end in one HUGE exasperated sigh! It has only been more recently in my life that I have been able to view them through the lens of my Father, who does not deal with me in the same impatience and frustration that I often deal with myself. There is so much stress to avoid by embracing the verse that He is not one "who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses." In fact, when I'm stuck in the emotionally-heavy cycle of wondering when He will grant rest and healing to those close to me who are hurting, or when He will make something good out of some of the messes I see around me, or when He will provide a clear path in how I am to walk in particular desires/pursuits, or when/when not I am supposed to do something about this or that....etc etc etc...I find that there is an immense comfort in stopping to rest in my weaknesses and BE weak. Everything in me is appalled at the counter-productivity of such a statement, but it is true. Simply stop and let God be God to me in that place of deep longing, hurting, or need.

Experiencing restlessness in life automatically awakens desires in us for resolve and peace. But the lesson to be learned is that there will always be a matter in life in which we find ourselves restless and wondering about. There will always be something that causes us to wrestle with the truth of the character of our God, His particular will for us, and how we are suppose to walk it out. It is a good and necessary that we walk through this again and again.

Now, I know Him who I have believed. I know His specific will for me, even if some of the specific details are hazy, and I have a strong framework to build off of from Scripture. It is through this that I am beginning to grasp (at a basic level, but a level nonetheless!) what it means to experience godliness in contentment. I found this definition of what godliness with contentment means in all circumstances, whether it be waiting through trials (of the heart/soul or physical) or waiting to know where to walk in any particular matter of life.

{Godliness in contentment}...It is NOT bucking yourself up to be all happy and smiley with your situation. Contentment is not a command to be OK with something God Himself says is not good. You long for something that is normal to long for by the very nature of your creation by God. Yet in our fallen world, that God-given aspect of your nature is unfulfilled. Contentment is understanding that you are not left as an orphan in this longing. You can say, “This sucks!” Because it does, but you can say it hand in hand with God, who said it first but in nobler terms. And you can say it knowing that you are equipped by the gospel to do battle and not be overwhelmed in this season.

{It means}...to stay engaged with God in the wrestling. It's not to put to death longings that are part of your very God-given nature. And it's not to disengage with God because He refuses to answer those longings. It's to stay engaged with Him, alternately crying out in longing and resting in peace in His arms, calling on Him at every moment to meet the physical, spiritual, and emotional needs exposed by your unfulfilled longing.

Not left as an orphan in this longing. The longing to see Christ formed and the Word confirmed in the souls around me? The longing to see those at peace who have for so long been grieving or hurting? The longing to be free of various burdens? The longing to have Him meet the very desires that He formed in me? The longing to not feel conflicted and confused sometimes in where He is taking me?

Yes, lots of longings. Life is so full that, I think, it would be strange not be bursting with them. But, He is Father to me through them all.

I found some more Gospel commentary on this godly contentment through the longings:

Am I supposed to encourage myself to be content with this mess of a life? Well, if by contentment I mean passive acceptance, then NO, I'm not supposed to passively accept all the ways this life does not reflect King Jesus. But if by contentment I mean that I have faith that God has adequately supplied me and you through Christ's life and death and resurrection; that He has sufficiently equipped us by lavishing on us a spiritual bank account with great equity to face this struggle head on; that the same power that rose Christ from the dead is now the power supernaturally at work in us, equipping us to deal with these struggles – if THAT's contentment, now I understand why devotion to God coupled with that confidence is GREAT GAIN.

Godliness with contentment is great gain in deep, hurtful circumstances. But it's also GREAT GAIN in the daily, humdrum muck of life. Godliness with contentment does not mean pulling yourself up by your bootstraps. If the phrase fills you with guilt, you are missing the point. The gospel doesn't obligate me to contentment, it equips me for contentment.

In returning to the verse from 1 John 5, I am learning to see how His ear is inclined to our requests because He is a Father who delights in the joy of His children. This is His aim in all that He does in our lives:

These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.

(John 15:11 ESV)

In connection to 1 John 5:15, I am beginning to find comfort in how we can be certain that we have what we have requested of Him.

One moment

I didn't have to plead with him to join me. All I did was invite him into a field of dandelions and he immediately followed. I realized then that it is the innocent wonder of a 6-year-old's heart that captivates me. While his attention span is usually short, it felt as if he would have sat with me there for hours, picking each dandelion and blowing them carefully. In that moment, I was seeing a bit of heaven, a sprinkle of the divine on the rough texture of this earth. Eyes of awe and smile of contentment. He wrapped his little arms around me and looked up at me, searching for my gaze. I smiled back. The silence was filled with a resounding joy and, after all my years of searching, I realized I was again encountering true Life. Encountering Christ in the moment. Holding up the moment, a gift, and offering it back to Him. A sanctuary of thanksgiving. And, He showed it to me through a 6 year-old boy, leaving my heart aching for my true Home.

I realized something recently. I am tired. Soul-tired. And, very much hungry. This is due to such a complicated web of reasons. But, I am tired of sifting through those reasons and dwelling upon everything except the One whom I love. I find, more and more, my hunger is for the simplicity of moments like the one I recorded above. Just to follow His invitation to enjoy Him and become completely unburdened there. Just one moment of complete, un-distracted devotion. And, before I go to Him, I already know He will satisfy. I already know that He will be as a sweet healing balm to my soul. I believe our Father delights to know that we expect to see His face like the sun shining in full strength (Rev 1:16) when we rest beside Him.

Whoso hath known that comforting.

The inward touch that maketh whole,

How can he ever choose but sing

To Thee, O Lover of his soul?

~ Amy Carmichael

Harlot

One of the most powerful and moving pieces of music that I have ever heard. This song has been ringing through my heart lately. I love how Misty had perfectly captured the intense love and compassion of Christ for His bride through His encounter with Mary Magdalene. Yet, this song is so personalized that it's not hard to be thinking and feeling and seeing through Mary. His intercession for us is truly beautiful! I want to be so near to the heart of my Lord that I write songs this Gospel-soaked. These are 19 minutes that bring tears to my eyes.

...he poured out his soul to death

and was numbered with the transgressors;

yet he bore the sin of many,

and makes intercession for the transgressors.

(Isaiah 53:12 ESV)

Songs

January 7

Psa 45: A Song concerning the Beloved (The title as given in the Septuagint)

Psa 40.17: The Lord thinketh upon me. The Lord will take care of me.

Two dear and lovely things from my Quiet this morning: "A Song concerning the Beloved"; "The Lord will take care of me."

We have many songs concerning our Beloved; we often sing then, and listen to them being sung. All such songs were written in the Heavenly places where we "sit" when we are nearest to our Lord. In no other place can a true song concerning the Beloved be written. In no other place can it be truly sung of Him or truly sung to Him. It is a Heavenly thing from beginning to end. That is why to sing it, or to hear it sung, is the joy and the rejoicing of the heart.

But sometimes such a joy is penetrated by a question like a spear-point: "It is so to-day, but what of to-morrow? What if I, who have sung a song concerning the Beloved, fail Him in the end?" This is the answer, the sure and blessed answer to the tempter who always, if he can, interrupts the sweetness of our songs: "The Lord thinketh upon me" - "the Lord will take care of me", even of me. Is that not enough?
~ Amy Carmichael, Edges of His Way

In Love

He says, "Abide in me, and I in you...as the Father has loved me, so I have loved you. Abide in my love."
What a curious thing it is that our human hearts resist to be abandoned to this kind of love. And, yet, we'd hopelessly splurge and give ourselves away to anyone and anything on earth that asks for it, at whatever loss or cost. And, even when those things don't satisfy, or perhaps lead us to life-long misery, we still continue to give to them. What a grieving cycle the human heart lives in! No matter what "good intentions" we may have, it is all vain and unfulfilling. I look around at my generation and it is no wonder why so many are disillusioned and miserable. It's no wonder why I was once the very same.

I remember when I had resisted this love, calvary love. I resisted because I knew it was going to mean the death of me. Because it would mean I would no longer be free to do as I will. Because it would mean He would be ruling and I would be submitting. But, why does that sound so terrible? He is so trustworthy. To be free in His will is vastly more wondrous than being free in my own will. Only a repentant heart learns this, though.

Now, on the other side of that breaking and awakening, I feel like a child. I closely resemble the apostle Peter. I don't have anything to boast of in this life. But, I'm on a love-journey, and have been for quite some time now. This love-journey is massively unpredictable and a little topsy-turvey. I am walking with my Maker; how much more strange can it get? Sometimes, I sense that the Lord keeps me in a perpetual state of disillusionment in regards to all things earthly. When frustration has drifted in and out, I seen more clearly that He would have me free from the illusions of my own making. He would have me disrobed of all the expectations that seem "normal" in order to lead me to happiness. This is why I was significantly moved by the lyrics to a Misty Edwards' song: "And happy am I, to live a hungry life/Blessed am I, to thirst/Disillusionment, it is my gift within/I am blessed/I am blessed among men!" Disillusionment, a gift? Yes, one of the best gifts that He has given me. I have heard Him whisper into my life, "I want your heart. I long for it and I will have it." So, I don't run anymore. I'm a little stuffed up with Self at times, but He makes His way in. It is a beautiful gift to belong to Him, to take His name, and to no longer be identified in anyway with myself.

At the start of 2011, I remember prayerfully asking my Lord to take me deeper into His love, to grow me up into Him. In every way, this year has appeared to be more of a hindrance to that prayer than an encourager. It has been the weight of so many things pressing in at all sides. My heart was desperate because I couldn't even sense His presence and love at times. Yet, it was all necessary to this love-journey. And, I remember, His love is so unlike this world's love. His love leads us through many deaths and resurrections. His love leads us through tempests. One of my favorite lines of poetry even testifies to this unearthly love:

Love is not love

Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken (Shakespeare, Sonnet 116)

So, I am in love. Living in it, searching it out, yielding to it. And, this love has a name...Yeshua.

I'm in love with a Man
I'm in love with a Stranger
I'm in love with my Maker
Whom I have never seen
I'm in love with a Lamb
I'm in love with a Lion
I'm in love with my Savior
Whom I have yet to know

There is no shadow of turning in You
No rebellion or pride
You don’t know greed or envy or strife
Your intentions are pure and holy

Delighting to do the Father’s will
You don’t have a thought against Him
But humbly You live in perfect restraint
Waiting for promises given

You’re gentle, You’re meek, yet Your heart is strong
Jesus, Your gladness is contagious
You are not selfish, You can’t compromise
You are the truth, You can’t lie

You don’t hold a grudge or have a cynical eye
Bitterness has no part of You
But You’re quick to forgive, let me back in again
Your kindness is so liberating

Jesus, You have a beautiful heart
Jesus, You have a beautiful heart

For I am in love with you,
and there is no cost.
I am in love with you,
and there is no loss.
I am in love with you,
I want to take your name.
I am in love with you,
I want to cling to you, Jesus,
Just let me cling to you, Jesus.

For a long time, I’ve been waiting for You
You have won my heart, and I am following
For a long time, I’ve been crying out for You
Tears make my heart soft
And I am ready for the return of the Lover

Fashioned from the very fabric of God
At the start of time, set free to decide
I will love You, ’cause You’re the One who loved me first
Just one look from Your eyes
I’m captivated by the eyes of the Lover
Take my heart, my mind and strength too

I was made for loving You
I will wait, and I’ll be faithful
I was made for loving You

Bowing low in the presence of the One
At the end of time, I’ll hear the bells chime for our wedding
It will wait no longer now
Oh how I love You
I’ll finally fall into the arms of the Lover

Come as close as You want,
Consume this heart that longs to burn
I know Your fire can hurt,
But I would be worse here without You

For I was made to dwell with You,
And how I ache until I do

Holy God, Take my heart,
Purge with flame and truth!
Holy heart is all I want,
That I may live with You!

Come and take all this chains
That get in the way of what You want
And as I stand in the flame
Still I will say, “I trust You God!”

And then I saw Him there, hanging on a tree, looking at me
I saw Him there, hanging on a tree, looking at me
He was looking at me, looking at Him, staring through me
I could not escape those beautiful eyes
And I began to weep and weep

He had arms wide open, a heart exposed
Arms wide open; He was bleeding, bleeding

Love’s definition, love’s definition was looking at me
Looking at Him, hanging on a tree
I began to weep and weep and weep and weep

This is how I know what love is, this is how I know what love is

And as I sat there weeping, crying
Those beautiful eyes, full of desire and love
He said to me:

“You shall love Me, You shall love Me
You shall love Me, You shall love Me”

(compilation of lyrics by Misty Edwards)