Minstrel of His Grace

Pilgrims

2012-02-08T11:10:00.000-08:00

I am so moved by the wonderful images that come to mind when pondering the word Pilgrim from Hebrews 11. I found this good, visionary layout of the Pilgrim-mindset in a blog from desiringgod.org. It's strangely comforting to consider how the Gospel takes wretched sinners, comfortable and perfectly nestled into the brokenness of this world, and transforms them into strangers, aliens, and pilgrims of this world. We are, to put it simply, otherworldly.

In September of 1733, Jonathan Edwards preached a sermon called "The Christian Pilgrim, Or, The True Christian's Life a Journey Toward Heaven." It was based on Hebrews 11:13-14:

These all died in faith, not having received the promises, but having seen them and greeted them from afar, and having confessed that they were strangers and pilgrims on the earth.

Let his vision shape yours.

Pilgrims are not diverted from their aim.

A traveler . . . is not enticed by fine appearances to put off the thought of proceeding. No, but his journey's end is in his mind. If he meets with comfortable accommodations at an inn, he entertains no thoughts of settling there. He considers that these things are not his own, that he is but a stranger, and when he has refreshed himself, or tarried for a night, he is for going forward. (Works, Banner of Truth, p. 243)

Pilgrims are to hold the things of this world loosely.

So should we desire heaven more than the comforts and enjoyments of this life. . . . Our hearts ought to be loose to these things, as that of a man on a journey, that we may as cheerfully part with them whenever God calls. (243)

Pilgrims become like what they hope to attain.

We should be endeavoring to come nearer to heaven, in being more heavenly, becoming more and more like the inhabitants of heaven in respect of holiness and conformity to God, the knowledge of God and Christ, in clear views of the glory of God, the beauty of Christ, and the excellency of divine things, as we come nearer to the beatific vision. - We should labor to be continually growing in divine love - that this may be an increasing flame in our hearts, till they ascend wholly in this flame. (244)

Pilgrims will not be satisfied with anything less than God.

God is the highest good of the reasonable creature, and the enjoyment of him is the only happiness with which our souls can be satisfied. - To go to heaven fully to enjoy God, isinfinitely better than the most pleasant accommodations here. Fathers and mothers, husbands, wives, children, or the company of earthly friends, are but shadows. But the enjoyment of God is the substance. These are but scattered beams, but God is the sun. These are but streams, but God is the fountain. These are but drops, but God is the ocean. . . . Why should we labor for, or set our hearts on anything else, but that which is our proper end, and true happiness? (244)

Pilgrims are not grieved by their arrival at the journey's end.

To spend our lives so as to be only a journeying towards heaven, is the way to be free from bondage and to have the prospect and forethought of death comfortable. Does the traveler think of his journey's end with fear and terror? Is it terrible to him to think that he has almost got to his journey's end? Were the children of Israel sorry after forty years' travel in the wilderness, when they had almost got to Canaan? (246)

Pilgrims ponder what they pursue.

Labor to be much acquainted with heaven. - If you are not acquainted with it, you will not be likely to spend your life as a journey thither. You will not be sensible of its worth, nor will you long for it. Unless you are much conversant in your mind with a better good, it will be exceeding difficult to you to have your hearts loose from these things, to use them only in subordination to something else, and be ready to part with them for the sake of that better good. - Labor therefore to obtain a realizing sense of a heavenly world, to get a firm belief of its reality, and to be very much conversant with it in your thoughts. (246)

Pilgrims travel together.

Let Christians help one another in going this journey. . . . Company is very desirable in a journey, but in none so much as this. - Let them go united and not fall out by the way, which would be to hinder one another, but use all means they can to help each other up the hill. - This would ensure a more successful traveling and a more joyful meeting at their Father's house in glory. (246)

Edges of His Way

2012-02-03T11:56:00.000-08:00

Luke 4:30 - Jesus passing through the midst of them went His way.

Our new month will bring us joys, for the Lord of joy is with us; it will also bring us sorrows, for sorrows are part of life. It may bring things which would "throw us down" if they could. But they need not ever do that, for it is possible for us to do just what our Master did when, passing through the midst of them, He went His way.

As, by His grace, we go on in quietness, we shall find those words we know so well come true. "My Presence shall go with thee, and I will give thee rest." (Exodus 33:14)

~ Amy Carmichael

Words for the day...

2012-01-31T12:37:00.000-08:00

You flowed into my wilderness

Your crystal waters gave me rest

I found my peace upon Your shores

For lesser things I thirst no more

You make me want to laugh and cry

You make me want to dance and bow

You make me want to shout and sigh

Overwhelmed by Your beauty

Na na na Na na na, Na na na

Beautiful River

You turn the bitter waters sweet

Of every sour stream You meet

Polluted mind and stagnant soul

Are purified in Your control

I love the loneliness I see

In river bend and waterfall

I plunge my life into the deep

And from Your depth I live in awe

~Godfrey Birtill

On the last day of the feast, the great day, Jesus stood up and cried out, “If anyone thirsts, let him come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, ‘Out of his heart will flow rivers of living water.’”

(John 7:37-38)

Stitched to burst in Praise

2012-01-28T20:25:00.000-08:00

What a weighty reflection it is to consider that there is a not a single aspect of our being, even in the messiness of our fallen nature, that was not made to give Him all the glory!

I am birthed, disfigured,

Into filth, toxic to all;

Yet, fashioned to hold,

Carved to pour forth -

Praise, exaltation, worship -

From every pore,

Sound, vocal and abdominal;

Faculty, of mind and emotion;

And ligamental motion.

Every cell, in its design,

Stitched to burst - in praise -

Before You.

You have turned for me my mourning into dancing;

you have loosed my sackcloth

and clothed me with gladness,

that my glory may sing your praise and not be silent.

O LORD my God, I will give thanks to you forever!

(Psalm 30:11-12)

Confidence & Contentment

2012-01-27T09:22:00.000-08:00

There is a passage that has been following me around the past week. It has given me a lot to think about, but even in my meditations on it, I feel as if I have barely scratched the surface of understanding this Scripture as a practical reality.

And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us. And if we know that he hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests that we have asked of him.

(1 John 5:14-15 ESV)

To have confidence in someone means you must know and trust them on a very intimate level. You know they won't fail you because they have shown themselves to be trustworthy. As I thought about this, I asked myself if I truly know the heart of my God towards His children. Well, obviously, yes. I feel I can honestly answer that because Scripture is very clear about God's character, which is fixed and eternal. We know Him to have no shadow of turning or change in His being. He truly is the same yesterday, today, and forever. In fact, one of my favorite psalms is #145 because it so clearly expresses how willing the Lord is to be the One who meets our every need and to work good in our lives. It's a psalm that I always find myself turning to when wrestling through a particular issue or struggle in my life. It's not a weighty battle to find out exactly who our Lord is. He has made Himself plain to us through His Son, Jesus Christ. Reading the Gospels alone should set us free of our doubts as to His character in the midst of our trials and struggles. So, I'm thinking, okay....check one, His character is so obviously trustworthy that our confidence towards Him should be without reserve!

However, there is the issue of asking Him according to His will so that He hears us. Or, so we might think there's an issue here. Praying according to will can be such a complex topic to cover. In the past, I have listened to so many various sermons on this and found myself spending more time trying to figure out how to pray for His will rather than actually praying for His will! One can imagine how exhausting and frustrating that can be. haha! Then, one day, John 15:1-5 became a living reality to me and, from that moment, there was no going back. You cannot pray the will and desires of someone that you do not know. As in any relationship, communion is vital to searching a person out. Even if it means spending time with that person in silence. I recently heard the preacher, Paul Washer, speak about this in a sermon called, "You Are Dearly Loved by God." He was preaching from the Song of Solomon and attempting to communicate the depth of the Lord's love not only for the Church as a whole, but for each particular soul that He has won. While stitching together the spiritual reality with the intimate and provocative poetry of the Song of Songs, he made a very interesting point. He was urging listeners to spend time alone with the Lord, but not to use the time to talk to God, to intercede, etc. In very strong words, he emphasized that we need to quiet ourselves before God and go to Him for Himself, His presence. He likened this to the relationship between him and his wife. He said that he put together a porch swing or hammock solely for the purpose of laying there with his wife resting over him, to swing back and forth in complete silence, completely swallowed up in the joy of simply being with her. That is all he wanted. It's amazing we don't grasp the simplicity of such a truth quicker. The image he painted of him and his wife, embracing a moment of silence and growing closer together through it, had such a profound effect on me. My first reaction was, "Ugh, if I could just get myself to shut up for one second, I could really find some happiness in the Lord's presence!" While that may be true, I have realized that even the Lord does not expect us to "get" this right away. As "simple" as Scripture truths are, there is the reality that we have to grow and mature into them. The Lord is patient with us (confidence in His character!) and takes us through barren and fruitful seasons of life to discover these things. Through those silent days of communing with Him, and through days of steady prayer and drinking deep from His Word, we will find ourselves beginning to grasp His will for us in fuller detail. It's through those times that His Word becomes personalized to us by the enlightening work of the Spirit within us. When Scripture is nestled in our soul and we pray His promises and words, we are praying His will. In searching Him out, we find that His will concerning our lives is not elusive. While there are countless passages that express His particular will for our lives, this is a small but specific list of ways that He calls us to live according to Romans 12:1-2, Eph 6:5-8, 1 Thess 4:3-7, 1 Thess 5:12-18, and Eph 5:15-17.

· Offer our bodies as living sacrifices.

· Not conform to pattern of this world.

· Be transformed by the renewing of our minds.

· Don't live foolishly, but wisely.

· Be obedient to our earthly masters

· Do all things as to the Lord rather than man.

· Be sanctified.

· Avoid sexual immorality.

· Control our bodies in a holy and honorable way.

· Don't defraud or take advantage of one another emotionally.

· Live holy lives.

· Respect our brothers and sisters in Christ, holding them in high regard.

· Live in peace with one another.

· Warn the idle.

· Encourage those who are timid.

· Help those who are weak.

· Be patient with everyone.

· Avoid revenge and be kind to one another.

· Always be joyful.

· Pray continually.

· Thank the Lord in all circumstances (especially the difficult ones).

This is how we should seek to live day to day, how we make decisions (job, education, etc), how we relate to others (unbelievers and believers), how we spend our free time, how we spend our money, and whatever it may be that we are pursuing in life. Of course, most of all, He wants us to be JOYFUL in Him. One of my favorite things to pray (because I know He hears me and I know it's something He means to give me!), is that He would give me fullness of joy and intimacy in Him, as well as a deeper devotion to Him, in whatever circumstance or matter (exciting or difficult!) I am walking through.

It's a terrible habit of mine to belittle my own thoughts and feelings, thinking them fleshly and petty. My fights with myself usually end in one HUGE exasperated sigh! It has only been more recently in my life that I have been able to view them through the lens of my Father, who does not deal with me in the same impatience and frustration that I often deal with myself. There is so much stress to avoid by embracing the verse that He is not one "who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses." In fact, when I'm stuck in the emotionally-heavy cycle of wondering when He will grant rest and healing to those close to me who are hurting, or when He will make something good out of some of the messes I see around me, or when He will provide a clear path in how I am to walk in particular desires/pursuits, or when/when not I am supposed to do something about this or that....etc etc etc...I find that there is an immense comfort in stopping to rest in my weaknesses and BE weak. Everything in me is appalled at the counter-productivity of such a statement, but it is true. Simply stop and let God be God to me in that place of deep longing, hurting, or need.

Experiencing restlessness in life automatically awakens desires in us for resolve and peace. But the lesson to be learned is that there will always be a matter in life in which we find ourselves restless and wondering about. There will always be something that causes us to wrestle with the truth of the character of our God, His particular will for us, and how we are suppose to walk it out. It is a good and necessary that we walk through this again and again.

Now, I know Him who I have believed. I know His specific will for me, even if some of the specific details are hazy, and I have a strong framework to build off of from Scripture. It is through this that I am beginning to grasp (at a basic level, but a level nonetheless!) what it means to experience godliness in contentment. I found this definition of what godliness with contentment means in all circumstances, whether it be waiting through trials (of the heart/soul or physical) or waiting to know where to walk in any particular matter of life.

{Godliness in contentment}...It is NOT bucking yourself up to be all happy and smiley with your situation. Contentment is not a command to be OK with something God Himself says is not good. You long for something that is normal to long for by the very nature of your creation by God. Yet in our fallen world, that God-given aspect of your nature is unfulfilled. Contentment is understanding that you are not left as an orphan in this longing. You can say, “This sucks!” Because it does, but you can say it hand in hand with God, who said it first but in nobler terms. And you can say it knowing that you are equipped by the gospel to do battle and not be overwhelmed in this season.

{It means}...to stay engaged with God in the wrestling. It's not to put to death longings that are part of your very God-given nature. And it's not to disengage with God because He refuses to answer those longings. It's to stay engaged with Him, alternately crying out in longing and resting in peace in His arms, calling on Him at every moment to meet the physical, spiritual, and emotional needs exposed by your unfulfilled longing.

Not left as an orphan in this longing. The longing to see Christ formed and the Word confirmed in the souls around me? The longing to see those at peace who have for so long been grieving or hurting? The longing to be free of various burdens? The longing to have Him meet the very desires that He formed in me? The longing to not feel conflicted and confused sometimes in where He is taking me?

Yes, lots of longings. Life is so full that, I think, it would be strange not be bursting with them. But, He is Father to me through them all.

I found some more Gospel commentary on this godly contentment through the longings:

Am I supposed to encourage myself to be content with this mess of a life? Well, if by contentment I mean passive acceptance, then NO, I'm not supposed to passively accept all the ways this life does not reflect King Jesus. But if by contentment I mean that I have faith that God has adequately supplied me and you through Christ's life and death and resurrection; that He has sufficiently equipped us by lavishing on us a spiritual bank account with great equity to face this struggle head on; that the same power that rose Christ from the dead is now the power supernaturally at work in us, equipping us to deal with these struggles – if THAT's contentment, now I understand why devotion to God coupled with that confidence is GREAT GAIN.

Godliness with contentment is great gain in deep, hurtful circumstances. But it's also GREAT GAIN in the daily, humdrum muck of life. Godliness with contentment does not mean pulling yourself up by your bootstraps. If the phrase fills you with guilt, you are missing the point. The gospel doesn't obligate me to contentment, it equips me for contentment.

In returning to the verse from 1 John 5, I am learning to see how His ear is inclined to our requests because He is a Father who delights in the joy of His children. This is His aim in all that He does in our lives:

These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.

(John 15:11 ESV)

In connection to 1 John 5:15, I am beginning to find comfort in how we can be certain that we have what we have requested of Him.

One moment

2012-01-20T11:19:00.000-08:00

I didn't have to plead with him to join me. All I did was invite him into a field of dandelions and he immediately followed. I realized then that it is the innocent wonder of a 6-year-old's heart that captivates me. While his attention span is usually short, it felt as if he would have sat with me there for hours, picking each dandelion and blowing them carefully. In that moment, I was seeing a bit of heaven, a sprinkle of the divine on the rough texture of this earth. Eyes of awe and smile of contentment. He wrapped his little arms around me and looked up at me, searching for my gaze. I smiled back. The silence was filled with a resounding joy and, after all my years of searching, I realized I was again encountering true Life. Encountering Christ in the moment. Holding up the moment, a gift, and offering it back to Him. A sanctuary of thanksgiving. And, He showed it to me through a 6 year-old boy, leaving my heart aching for my true Home.

I realized something recently. I am tired. Soul-tired. And, very much hungry. This is due to such a complicated web of reasons. But, I am tired of sifting through those reasons and dwelling upon everything except the One whom I love. I find, more and more, my hunger is for the simplicity of moments like the one I recorded above. Just to follow His invitation to enjoy Him and become completely unburdened there. Just one moment of complete, un-distracted devotion. And, before I go to Him, I already know He will satisfy. I already know that He will be as a sweet healing balm to my soul. I believe our Father delights to know that we expect to see His face like the sun shining in full strength (Rev 1:16) when we rest beside Him.

Whoso hath known that comforting.

The inward touch that maketh whole,

How can he ever choose but sing

To Thee, O Lover of his soul?

~ Amy Carmichael

Harlot

2012-01-15T11:32:00.000-08:00

One of the most powerful and moving pieces of music that I have ever heard. This song has been ringing through my heart lately. I love how Misty had perfectly captured the intense love and compassion of Christ for His bride through His encounter with Mary Magdalene. Yet, this song is so personalized that it's not hard to be thinking and feeling and seeing through Mary. His intercession for us is truly beautiful! I want to be so near to the heart of my Lord that I write songs this Gospel-soaked. These are 19 minutes that bring tears to my eyes.

...he poured out his soul to death

and was numbered with the transgressors;

yet he bore the sin of many,

and makes intercession for the transgressors.

(Isaiah 53:12 ESV)

Songs

2012-01-07T15:49:00.000-08:00

January 7

Psa 45: A Song concerning the Beloved (The title as given in the Septuagint)

Psa 40.17: The Lord thinketh upon me. The Lord will take care of me.

Two dear and lovely things from my Quiet this morning: "A Song concerning the Beloved"; "The Lord will take care of me."

We have many songs concerning our Beloved; we often sing then, and listen to them being sung. All such songs were written in the Heavenly places where we "sit" when we are nearest to our Lord. In no other place can a true song concerning the Beloved be written. In no other place can it be truly sung of Him or truly sung to Him. It is a Heavenly thing from beginning to end. That is why to sing it, or to hear it sung, is the joy and the rejoicing of the heart.

But sometimes such a joy is penetrated by a question like a spear-point: "It is so to-day, but what of to-morrow? What if I, who have sung a song concerning the Beloved, fail Him in the end?" This is the answer, the sure and blessed answer to the tempter who always, if he can, interrupts the sweetness of our songs: "The Lord thinketh upon me" - "the Lord will take care of me", even of me. Is that not enough?
~ Amy Carmichael, Edges of His Way

In Love

2011-12-24T13:18:00.000-08:00

He says, "Abide in me, and I in you...as the Father has loved me, so I have loved you. Abide in my love."
What a curious thing it is that our human hearts resist to be abandoned to this kind of love. And, yet, we'd hopelessly splurge and give ourselves away to anyone and anything on earth that asks for it, at whatever loss or cost. And, even when those things don't satisfy, or perhaps lead us to life-long misery, we still continue to give to them. What a grieving cycle the human heart lives in! No matter what "good intentions" we may have, it is all vain and unfulfilling. I look around at my generation and it is no wonder why so many are disillusioned and miserable. It's no wonder why I was once the very same.

I remember when I had resisted this love, calvary love. I resisted because I knew it was going to mean the death of me. Because it would mean I would no longer be free to do as I will. Because it would mean He would be ruling and I would be submitting. But, why does that sound so terrible? He is so trustworthy. To be free in His will is vastly more wondrous than being free in my own will. Only a repentant heart learns this, though.

Now, on the other side of that breaking and awakening, I feel like a child. I closely resemble the apostle Peter. I don't have anything to boast of in this life. But, I'm on a love-journey, and have been for quite some time now. This love-journey is massively unpredictable and a little topsy-turvey. I am walking with my Maker; how much more strange can it get? Sometimes, I sense that the Lord keeps me in a perpetual state of disillusionment in regards to all things earthly. When frustration has drifted in and out, I seen more clearly that He would have me free from the illusions of my own making. He would have me disrobed of all the expectations that seem "normal" in order to lead me to happiness. This is why I was significantly moved by the lyrics to a Misty Edwards' song: "And happy am I, to live a hungry life/Blessed am I, to thirst/Disillusionment, it is my gift within/I am blessed/I am blessed among men!" Disillusionment, a gift? Yes, one of the best gifts that He has given me. I have heard Him whisper into my life, "I want your heart. I long for it and I will have it." So, I don't run anymore. I'm a little stuffed up with Self at times, but He makes His way in. It is a beautiful gift to belong to Him, to take His name, and to no longer be identified in anyway with myself.

At the start of 2011, I remember prayerfully asking my Lord to take me deeper into His love, to grow me up into Him. In every way, this year has appeared to be more of a hindrance to that prayer than an encourager. It has been the weight of so many things pressing in at all sides. My heart was desperate because I couldn't even sense His presence and love at times. Yet, it was all necessary to this love-journey. And, I remember, His love is so unlike this world's love. His love leads us through many deaths and resurrections. His love leads us through tempests. One of my favorite lines of poetry even testifies to this unearthly love:

Love is not love

Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken (Shakespeare, Sonnet 116)

So, I am in love. Living in it, searching it out, yielding to it. And, this love has a name...Yeshua.

I'm in love with a Man
I'm in love with a Stranger
I'm in love with my Maker
Whom I have never seen
I'm in love with a Lamb
I'm in love with a Lion
I'm in love with my Savior
Whom I have yet to know

There is no shadow of turning in You
No rebellion or pride
You don’t know greed or envy or strife
Your intentions are pure and holy

Delighting to do the Father’s will
You don’t have a thought against Him
But humbly You live in perfect restraint
Waiting for promises given

You’re gentle, You’re meek, yet Your heart is strong
Jesus, Your gladness is contagious
You are not selfish, You can’t compromise
You are the truth, You can’t lie

You don’t hold a grudge or have a cynical eye
Bitterness has no part of You
But You’re quick to forgive, let me back in again
Your kindness is so liberating

Jesus, You have a beautiful heart
Jesus, You have a beautiful heart

For I am in love with you,
and there is no cost.
I am in love with you,
and there is no loss.
I am in love with you,
I want to take your name.
I am in love with you,
I want to cling to you, Jesus,
Just let me cling to you, Jesus.

For a long time, I’ve been waiting for You
You have won my heart, and I am following
For a long time, I’ve been crying out for You
Tears make my heart soft
And I am ready for the return of the Lover

Fashioned from the very fabric of God
At the start of time, set free to decide
I will love You, ’cause You’re the One who loved me first
Just one look from Your eyes
I’m captivated by the eyes of the Lover
Take my heart, my mind and strength too

I was made for loving You
I will wait, and I’ll be faithful
I was made for loving You

Bowing low in the presence of the One
At the end of time, I’ll hear the bells chime for our wedding
It will wait no longer now
Oh how I love You
I’ll finally fall into the arms of the Lover

Come as close as You want,
Consume this heart that longs to burn
I know Your fire can hurt,
But I would be worse here without You

For I was made to dwell with You,
And how I ache until I do

Holy God, Take my heart,
Purge with flame and truth!
Holy heart is all I want,
That I may live with You!

Come and take all this chains
That get in the way of what You want
And as I stand in the flame
Still I will say, “I trust You God!”

And then I saw Him there, hanging on a tree, looking at me
I saw Him there, hanging on a tree, looking at me
He was looking at me, looking at Him, staring through me
I could not escape those beautiful eyes
And I began to weep and weep

He had arms wide open, a heart exposed
Arms wide open; He was bleeding, bleeding

Love’s definition, love’s definition was looking at me
Looking at Him, hanging on a tree
I began to weep and weep and weep and weep

This is how I know what love is, this is how I know what love is

And as I sat there weeping, crying
Those beautiful eyes, full of desire and love
He said to me:

“You shall love Me, You shall love Me
You shall love Me, You shall love Me”

(compilation of lyrics by Misty Edwards)

Feed the real hunger of Christ

2011-12-15T11:42:00.000-08:00

It has been over 14 years since my family and I last celebrated Christmas. For various reasons (many of them Scriptural), we decided it would be best not to observe it as a holiday in our home. And yet, we're not anti-Christmas (okay, well, maybe I am a bit Scrooge-like, hehe!). Christmas has never held meaning for me, but I, honestly, don't mind going to holiday parties with friends and taking part in Christmas-related gatherings. I don't really have anything against it other than for the fact that it's terribly commercialized and watered down. It's never appealed to me...except maybe for the opportunity to have wonderful food, gifts, and family around. But it just doesn't hold much for me, personally. Nevertheless, I love an authentic, Gospel-saturated Christmas-related message when I hear one. Or, in this case, read one. And, these are words that are meant to touch and move in us on a daily basis. Isn't this what it means to be His disciple? I want to live simply and less self-focused so that I find His fullness.

When Christmas Gets Radical: Whose Birthday Is It Really?

I’d rather only fill a child’s tummy than fill my house with anymore things.

Maybe that’s always the only choice we have to make every Christmas: feed our own fickle wishes or feed the real hunger of Christ?

Nothing can be claimed, taken, received, had; everything we have is gift to us from heaven. All that we have has no other source but the hand of God (Jn 3:27).

So “Christian hands never clasp and He doesn’t give us gifts for our gain because a gift can never stop being a gift— it is always meant to be given.”

When we pass our gifts on — the gifts from Him remaining a gift and being given again — we are the ones given even more of the source of all gifts — more of God Himself. Filled.

When we give to Christ in the hungry, He satisfies our own hunger pangs.

A decade of this, our little family turning the Christmas tree upside down and letting gifts all fall into the hands of the poor.

~Ann Voskamp

Delight

2011-12-11T15:28:00.000-08:00

I will be

The gladdest thing under the sun.

I will embrace

A multitude of joys and not miss one.

There -

In that field where hidden lies

The Pearl of great price.

Haven of my desires,

Encompassed in Thy holy fire.

Barefoot,

I trod Thy sacred ground

Where full delight is found.

Living from the inside-out

2011-12-07T17:32:00.000-08:00

A new discipline that I have recently been attempting to re-instill in myself is songwriting. I feel like music is always the last thing on my priority list, always wondering when it will find its way back near the top again. Something that I have found helpful is to sit down and just write...whether it be in the format of a song, poem, or merely prose. It enables me to seize the moment. It forces me to be still. It stirs me to let out what is held within.
Since this past May, I have had continued hindrances with my throat. This feeling of tightness and discomfort has kept me from singing and keeping strength in my singing. While I can still sing to an extent, I am unable to maintain consistency and control in my voice without straining. Music has been on the back burner since I released it to the Lord in spring '10. And, since summer '10, life has taken me on a completely different path than I ever could have imagined. All of it is good and necessary, just hard. Very hard. So, once can imagine the immense discouragement that this has been to me in the midst of an already difficult year. Even after running tests at the doctor, the issue remains unsolved because the tests came back good. I have nothing to explain what is wrong with my throat because, technically, there is really nothing wrong with it. This can only be targeted to some intense stress, mainly emotional, that my heart has undergone this year. I can kick against it, but that has not proved to be useful. So, this has led me to reflect on some things...basic concepts that I mentioned in a recent note on pausing, slowing down, and gaining a more holistic approach to health and life. It is too easy for me to become overwhelmed and stressed. Emotional implosions are what I call them. Sometimes, I just cry with frustration because anxiety comes so easily and peace does not. That inward collapse, that emotionally violent compression...it all comes too naturally. In thinking upon this, it is no wonder that this is physically manifested in the tightness and discomfort I feel in my throat, hindering the flow of vocal expression.

So, I'm searching...grasping...groping in the shadows for that sacred ground that Jacob spoke of in Genesis 28 when he said, "Surely the Lord is in this place and I did not know it." He set up a pillar there and called it Bethel, the House of God. Every moment is a "God-moment," a chance to worship Him. A sacred opportunity to give thanks. And, I think, this may prove to be the very healing balm that I need for a fuller, Spirit-given peace. This, too, may bring that strength to my voice when I learn to be still and praise from within.
So, this is why I sense a draw to write again. Snippets of poetry. Bits of melodies. All pooled together to erect my own "pillar" as I learn to be still in every season, moments that house Him. And, in thanksgiving, to stumble across the divine...the sacred...the very presence of the Lord, brooding over the waters. I will trust Him with this. I choose to trust Him in this. He is only ever faithful.

Cleaving,

You keep near the dust

Of my being

To the underside of Your wings.

Embracing,

You bestow life,

Impute righteousness,

Lavish affection,

Upon this earthen jar,

Chipped and faded.

Faithful to an infidel.

Jealous for a harlot.

You remain.

Garden

2011-12-04T18:17:00.000-08:00

I am a garden enclosed
A locked garden, a fountain sealed
I am Your resting place
I am Your resting place

Here oh Lord have I prepared

A place for You to dwell

Here in the reservoir of me

That You would dwell in my heart

That I would be in You and You would be in me

That I could fellowship with God
Here where it's You and me alone
The very glory of God on the inside of me
I want to fellowship with You

Here it's You and me alone God

You and me alone

Here it's You and me alone God

You and me alone

I am Your resting place
For You said that You would be in me
If I would abide in the vine
Christ in me the hope of my glory

You and me alone God

You and me alone

Here it's You and me alone God

You and me alone

And You hedge me in with skin all around me
I'm a garden enclosed
A locked garden
Life takes place behind the face

Where it's You and me alone God

Here it's You and me alone

Here it's You and me alone God

You and me alone

So come into Your garden, come into Your garden

I'm no longer my own, I'm Your garden

I don't wanna waste my life living on the outside

I'm gonna live from the inside out

So come into Your garden

Come into Your garden

~ Misty Edwards

Visionary Monday ~ cisterns of counsel and teaching

2011-11-28T18:49:00.001-08:00

“Get books into your houses, when you have not the spring near you, then get water into your cisterns; so when you have not that wholesome preaching that you desire, good books are cisterns that hold the water of life in them to refresh you.... So when you find a chillness upon your souls, and that your former heat begins to abate, ply yourselves with warm clothes, get those good books that may acquaint you with such truths as may warm and affect your hearts.”
—Thomas Watson (1662)

Books are the quietest and most constant of friends; they are the most accessible and wisest of counselors, and the most patient of teachers. ~ Charles W. Eliot

To sit alone in the lamplight with a book spread out before you, and hold intimate converse with men of unseen generations – such is a pleasure beyond compare. ~ Kenko Yoshida

“Some books are meant to be tasted, others to be swallowed, and some few to be chewed and digested; that is, some books are to be read only in parts; others to be read but not curiously; and some few to be read wholly, and with diligence and attention.”

Francis Bacon, 1561-1626

Eucharisteo

2011-11-25T08:59:00.000-08:00

Excerpts from One Thousand Gifts that are carrying His light and joy into my soul:

All my eyes can seem to fixate on are the splatters of disappointment across here and me.

I don't need more time to breathe so that I may experience more locales, possess more, accomplish more. Because wonder really could be here - for the seeing eyes.

So - more time for more what?

The face of Jesus flashes. Jesus, the God-man with his own termination date. Jesus, the God-man who came to save me from prisons of fear and guilt and depression and sadness. With an expiration date of less than twelve hours, what does Jesus count as all most important?

"And he took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to them..." (Luke 22:19)

In the original language, "he gave thanks" reads 'eucharisteo."

I underline it on the page. Can it lay a sure foundation under a life? Offer the fullest life?

The root word of eucharisteo is charis, meaning "grace." Jesus took the bread and saw it as a grace and gave thanks. He took the bread and knew it to be gift and gave thanks.

But there is more, and I read it. Eucharisteo, thanksgiving, envelopes the Greek word for grace, charis. But it also holds its derivative, the Greek word chara, meaning "joy." Joy. Ah...yes. I might be needing me some of that. That might be what the quest for more is all about - that which Augustine claimed, "Without exception...all try their hardest to reach the same goal, that is, joy."

I breathe deep, like a sojourner finally coming home. That has always been the goal of the fullest life - joy. And my life knew exactly how elusive that slippery three-letter word, joy, can be. I think of it then again, that night if nightmares, the flailing, frantic, moon-eyed lunge for more. More what? And this was it; I could tell how my whole being responded to that one word, I longed for more life, for more holy joy.

Deep chara joy is found only at the table of the euCHARisteo - the table of thanksgiving. I sit there long...wondering...is it that simple?

Is the height of my chara joy dependent on the depths of my eucharisteo thanks?

So then as long as thanks is possible...I think this through. As long as thanks is possible, then joy is always possible. Joy is always possible. The holy grail of joy is not in some exotic location or some emotional mountain peak experience. The joy wonder could be here! Here, in the messy, piercing ache of now, joy might be - unbelievably - possible! The only place we need see before we die is this place of seeing God, here and now.

I whisper it out loud, let the tongue feel these sounds, the ear hear their truth.

Charis. Grace.

Eucharisteo. Thanskgiving.

Chara. Joy.

A triplet of stars, a constellation in the black.

A threefold cold that might hold a life? Offer a way up into the fullest life?

...I open my Bible, the red pen in hand, hunt down the trail of eucharisteo through Scripture. Where it leads barbs, and I am suprised and I reel.

"On the night when he was betrayed, the Lord Jesus took some bread and gave thanks to God for it. Then he broke it in pieces..." (1 Cor 11:23-24) Jesus, on the night before the driving hammer and iron piercing through ligament and sinew, receives what God offers as grace (charis), the germ of His thanksgiving (eucharisteo)? Oh. Facing the abandonment of God Himself (does it get any worse than this?), Jesus offers thanksgiving for even that which will break Him and crush Him and wound Him and yield a bounty of joy (chara). The mystery always contains more mysteries.

Do I really want this way?

"One of them, when he saw he was healed, came back, and praising God in a loud voice. He threw himself at Jesus' feet and thanked him - and he was a Samaritan." (Luke 17:15-16). Yes, thankfulness, I know. Next verse.

Jesus asked, "Were not all ten cleansed? Where are the other nine? Was no one found to return and give praise to God except this foreigner?" Then he said to him, "Rise and go; your faith has made you well." (Luke 17:17-19)

Wait. I trace back. Hadn't Jesus already completely healed him? Exactly like the other nine who were cured who hadn't bothered to return and thank Him. So what does Jesus mean, "Your faith has made you well"? Had I underinterpreted this passage, missing some hidden mystery? I slow down and dig. I read Jesus' words in Young's Literal Translation, "And {Jesus} said to him, 'Having risen, be going on, thy faith has saved thee.'" Saved thee? I dig deeper. It's sozo in Greek. Many translations render sozo as being made "well" or "whole," but its literal meaning, I read it - "to save." Sozo means salvation. It means true wellness, complete wholeness. To live sozo is to live the full life. Jesus came that we might live life to the full; He came to give us sozo. And when did the leper receive sozo - the saving to the full, whole life? When he returned and gave thanks. I lay down my pen.

(Voskamp, pg 31-33, 36, 38-39)

My reflections on thanksgiving...

2011-11-24T17:28:00.000-08:00

There are two articles/blogs that I came across this week. They set words to this year for me. Words that I am often grasping for and mainly pouring forth in broken sentences of emotion. Thankfully, these ladies are much more eloquent than I in capturing eternal spiritual treasures. These came at such an appropriate time.

The Real First Thanksgiving by Ann Voskamp

God Do Something! by Anabel Gillham

I am learning how to live simply. To live thankfully. To live fully. To live full of Him.

And the life that counts blessings discovers its yielding more than it seems.Why don’t I keep an eye on the number of His graces? Why don’t I want to know that even though it doesn’t seem like there’s been enough rain, He reigns and He is enough and the bounty is greater than it appears? That the thin places might be the places closest to God and the skinny places might be fuller than they seem and who isn’t full with Christ? (Ann Voskamp)

More and more, through every new and deepening trial, I see His hand at work in my life. Set to strike in every place that is not bowed low before Him. Set to push. Set to inflict a pressure. All this only to then set His hand to heal, to bind up, and to hold. Everything in me wants to be done with this. To be through with the "winter" season. But He doesn't withdraw the harshness of this season. It remains. And in it, He wants to make a child of me. Ridiculous? Yes. Everything in His kingdom kind of seems absurd. He wants me to receive the harsness and not just the "sweet" stuff. Yet, I fail to do so....everyday. My patience wears thin into nothingness. But His doesn't. In the seemingly vast nothingness field of my life, I just want to cry and cry. I think that I probably cannot easily recognize the obvious blessings around me because I'm just so intent on crying all the time. The tears blurring my vision. And He counts the tears, reminding me that tears are good for the soil of my heart, and those prayers spoken for those hurting souls in need.

Concerning the passage John 13:15, Maria Von Trapp once wrote, "In His great understanding of human nature He uses the word "become"; unless you become as little children....He knows the way of the world is this: A little one is hardly out of the diapers when he is told approvingly: "But now you are a big boy." When he goes to kindergarten: "Now you are not a baby any more." When he is in the first grade: "Well, you are not in kindergarten any more; you are a big boy now." This goes on until in high school he doesn't have to be told that he is a big boy now. He knows it himself. Then one day sooner or later he will be banged on the head by those words of our Lord, and all the growing up and growing up will not seem like an achievement any longer, but like something which has to be undone. That is when the "becoming" starts. After we have grown up in the eyes of the world, we have to "grown down" in the eyes of the God. We have to. There is no way out as long as we want to go to heaven. Heaven is full of children; Our Lord Himself said so."

Today, I am thankful that He is undoing everything and growing me down.
Today, I'm thankful that I walk with a fully-sufficient Lord who brings life from total death.
Today, He is enough and I love the Lord, oh my Strength.

Visionary Monday ~ symphony

2011-11-21T19:34:00.000-08:00

A perfect quotation to follow up my recent post.

To live content with small means,

to seek elegance rather than luxury,

and refinement rather than fashion,

to be worthy, not respectable,

and wealthy, not rich,

to study hard, think quietly,

talk gently, act frankly,

to listen to stars and birds,

to babes and sages,

with open heart,

to bear all cheerfully,

do all bravely,

await occasions,

hurry never,

in a word to let the spiritual,

unbidden and unconscious,

grow up through the common,

this is to be my symphony.

- William Henry Channing

A pause

2011-11-19T12:01:00.000-08:00

A dear sister of mine wrote something quite significant to me last month. In seeking to glean further fruit from recent blessings in her life, she wrote, "I am still trying to process all that took place...and now I have some more layers of processing to do. I’m really trying to pause (as hard as that is in this season of life) to think deeply and integrate what I have read, experienced, etc. I think that this helps it to “stick” to my mind and heart. It’s so easy to just be moving from one thing to the next (whether books, conferences, conversations, etc.) and not really think deeply about it or to hear/respond to what God is saying in it all."

This made a deep impression me. How many times have I sought to live more slowly, not allowing the flow of everyday life to snatch away my times of reflection and meditation? How many times have I been intentional about thinking over conversations that I had in the past week? How often do I press in to learn more from recent encounters or experiences? While I often do find my mind reflecting on these things, it's usually within the flow of the day, when I'm easily distracted by needs at homes. In addition to abiding with Christ in private, I am learning of the necessity to pause in life. I want to embrace the simple moments and think upon the various circumstances, conversations, and lessons that the LORD is weaving in and out of my life. I look back on my life and feel that I have tried to live too fast. In almost every facet of my life I have pressed too boldly: education, experiences, relationships, and various creative pursuits. The result of such strong pursuits have been wasted energy, time, and emotions, which have all brought a negative impact on my physical health. I remember clearly how, as a young girl, I would plow through everyone and everything that stood in the way of something I wanted. My father would often remark, "Here comes Erika! Don't stand in her way!" While this often carries funny memories, I look back with a bit of sadness on the amount of heart and soul that I poured into everything I sought after. This wasn't always terrible, if that thing was necessary for growth and learning, but in other areas it was quite damaging. It has been to my own detriment and shame that I never sought to glean true gems from merely living, which is, in itself, a divine gift! It comes to no surprise that I am still the same way. The careful, intentional discipline of slowing down to reflect doesn't come easily. But as I begin to see, with more clarity, its affects and influences upon my spiritual/emotional/physical health and relations to others (and how effectively I can pour out to them), I begin to place more value on it.

This past week, I have been doing some reading on holistic lifestyles, mostly in regards to health from a Christian approach. However, in application to every aspect of life, these articles/blogs were inspiring to me. To summarize a definition of holistic living, I found these:

A holistic approach to faith, life, and wellness sees interconnection and integration everywhere—because factors are not fragmented, but are intended to work together and influence each other.

A holistic way of life means that every part of life complements the others instead of competing against them. Rather than one part vying for attention at a given time (though sometimes extra attention is needed), all parts are helped to move in the same direction with interdependence and integration.

As a point of reflection near the end of one of the articles I read, the author concludes: "Ask yourself if your long term desires for good health, for multi-generational relationships, for strength and ability, and for peaceful emotions are being encouraged by your lifestyle habits today."

I sense how very much in the beginning stage I am of gaining God's vision for my future and how He intends to use me, all during a presently busy and, sometimes, intense season of my life. The Lord seems to be slowly pressing in a lot during this season, but it's clear that this time might bring forth some of the richest fruit, through the Spirit, as long as I continue to walk this path of surrender to Him.

There has been array of thoughts that have burst forth from some moments of pause. The musician-artist in me wants to express them in tones or prose, but I feel pressed to sift through them some more. I resolve, in my innermost being, to be Christ-exalting, turning to look for traces of His hand-prints upon the smallest details of my days. May my meditation be pleasing to him, for I rejoice in the LORD (Psalm 104:34).

My recent readings...

2011-11-10T19:56:00.001-08:00

I'm so behind on trying to keep up with my recent reading material. However, I decided to pick the three that stood out to me and summarize their main points, as well as my own opinion. I have found it healthy, both for my memory and spiritual/mental cultivation, to review books that I have read. It allows for the wisdom to penetrate deeper, I think.

The Beauty of Modesty {Cultivating Virtue in the Face of a Vulgar Culture} by David and Diane Vaughan
It seems that there are a million books touching upon the subject of modesty. I wasn't particularly in the mood to pick up another one; however, since this title has been on my to-read list since I saw it in the Vision Forum catalogue, I thought I should pick it up. I have never been disappointed by the selections from VF, so it shouldn't have surprised me that I would love the depth of research put into this book! Books on modesty, especially when targeted towards young women, are usually a bit cliche, cheesy, and predictable. While the message is Biblical and encouraging, I tend to find them somewhat repetitive. Though I have a couple of favorites outside of this one, I would definitely place this first in the hands of anyone seeking for a more Biblical view of modesty and the body. I would even recommend it to young men because this book is more of a cultural and Biblical argument for the cultivation of modesty {first in heart and attitude, secondly through dress and demeanor} in a very sensuous culture. Due to the mainstreaming of sexual deviancy today, the authors began to build, chapter by chapter, how the way "we dress reflects our worldview, our spirituality, and our virtue." They began to peel off the layers of certain secular worldviews and thought processes that have overtaken the Church, leniency followed closely by sheer deviancy. In truth, we truly are experiencing the cultural captivity of the church. As John Whitehead noted more than a decade ago: "As a thinking being, the modern Christian has succumbed to secularization. He accepts religion -its morality, its worship, its spiritual culture." And, yet, the modern Christian rejects "the total view of life which sees all earthly issues within the context of the eternal; that relates all human problems - social, political, cultural - to the doctrinal foundations of the Christian faith. As a consequence, the faith ineffectively fails even to minimally raise the ethical standards of the American population." While extreme intellectualism is often a hindrance, it is still to be emphasized that we, Christians, are "thinking beings" and should, through intensive study of the worldviews, be able to recognize and target false mindsets and practices through a logical and Biblically renewed standing. In quoting Gertrude Himmelfarb, the authors aren't afraid to label the succession of intellectual downfall within western culture, and thus been allowed to take root within the Church: "The beasts of modernism have mutated into the beasts of postmodernism -relativism into nihilism, amorality into immorality, irrationality into insanity, sexual deviancy into polymorphous perversity." This "polymorphous perversity" is nice phrase for the utter sexualization of our culture." And this "sexualization of our culture" is forcibly finding its way into the Church, homes, and families, whether it's invited there or not. Through the beginning chapters, they address not only the influence of porn in our society, but also the high crime of adultery seen within the Church. At the same time, they are also sure to address objections and errors to mindsets found within the Body, such as legalism, pietism or subjectivism, Christian relativism, parochialism (all very intriguing - I highly recommend a study on each subject).
After discussing the need for modesty, they begin to provide basis on the nature of modesty. They delve quite deeply into the Word in this section of their book, as well as research from some old Church Fathers. One of my favorite chapters of their book provided a great study into acquiring a Biblical view of the Body, knitting together passages from the Old and New Testaments. Most of this material was a bit repetitive to me, since most of it addressed the reason for the Law, the Gospel, as well as our basic beliefs on man's nature, sin, the flesh, and the Spirit. Nevertheless, it was beautifully laid out and, without a true spiritual awakening and mind renewal of our Creator, ourselves, and the the purpose for which we were created, one cannot move on in the subject of modesty.

Modesty was once defined as "that lowly temper which accompanies a moderate estimate of one's own worth and importance. In females, modesty has the like character as in males; but the word is used also as synonymous with chastity, or purity of manners. In this sense, modesty results from purity of mind, or from the fear of disgrace and ignominy fortified by education and principle. Unaffected modesty is the sweetest charm of female excellence, the richest gem in the diadem of their honor." This definition is truly authentic! However, modesty is really a virtue of our Father's heart, expressed through us in His Son, Jesus Christ. Modesty is that divine loveliness and reserve of a God-fearing, God-honoring, God-dependent heart, which willingly rests in the happy lordship of the One who rules and governs that life to reflect its Maker. I must emphasize "happy lordship" in relation to the governing of our lives by Christ our Lord. It's easy to be super-spiritually pumped about Christ's supreme lordship over our lives, that we're rigid about everything. And, it's also easy to super lenient because His lavish grace. Thus, causing us to be lax in our representation of Him here on earth. I have erred in both, but have, more recently, found much freedom in the "happy lordship" of my Father over my life. His lordship is not a prison, but it's also not like He's letting us loose in a candy shop to pick as we please. In searching out the love of the Father through Christ Jesus, I think we can truly begin to relish His sweet lordship. This is something that the Vaughans carefully devote time to in their writings: growing in a genuine, Spirit-filled relationship with Christ and seeking for Him to be first in our hearts. Out of this flows the delicate virtue of modesty in our hearts and lives. After all, it is only in knowing this Love that "the soul eagerly cleaves to, affectionately admires, and constantly rests in God, supremely pleased and satisfied with him as its portion; that it acts from him, as its author; for him, as its master; and to him, as its end. That, by it, all the powers and faculties of the mind are concentrated in the Lord of the universe. That, by it, the whole man is willingly surrendered to the Most High: and that, through it, an identity, or sameness of spirit with the Lord is acquired -the man being made a partaker of the divine nature, having the mind in him which was in Christ, and thus dwelling God, and God in him." {Adam Clarke}

Lastly, the Vaughans devote the final three chapters in their book to nurturing modesty in homes {not only through dress, but through media, i.e. internet, movies, etc} and the corporate body. As always, application is a great challenge. And yet, the Vaughans aren't afraid to lay down the Biblical overview and guidelines, as well as giving specifics for women. Specifics are important for us as women. We simply should not be allowed to make up excuses or justify this or that. Also, there are many subtleties in dress that many young woman cannot easily discern, but through proper training and discipleship will be able to distinguish. This also pertains to young men as well, but a special emphasis is placed upon the young women in these chapters. I see this also as great material for fathers who need assistance and training in how to properly raise their daughters. The Vaughans are definitely not supporting the super-Puritan and plain-Jane mindset. They make a good argument for a balanced approach to dressing. But, as many young women know today, it does take some extra effort to find modern, comfortable clothing that is pretty and appealing, without it being ostentatious, androgynistic, sensual, or even associated with certain, questionable name brands.

In conclusion, modesty matters. We suffer too greatly without it being cultivated from generation to generation.

It matters to men. It matters to women. It matters to children. And last but not least, it matters to God. Though tossed aside as an ugly old rag of distant culture, modesty is really a beautiful virtue of the finest fabric that never does go out of style. We have only forgotten how beautiful modesty really is. Or perhaps, we have never had the opportunity to look at modest for what it is really worth {pg 11}.

Christians come to church to worship a glorious God, to humble themselves before his holy presence, and to hear his Word, not for display, not to attract notice, not for vain-glory or worldly vanity. It is, therefore, quite out of place for either men or women to make a parade of finery in church. The ornaments best suited for persons professing godliness at all times, but especially when they approach the throne of God, are those of a pure heart and a meek spirit, and an abundance of good works. It is the hidden man of the heart which needs adorning for its access to the court of heaven. ~ A.C. Hervey

Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World by Joanna Weaver

I'll admit that I was quite hesitant about picking this one up. I am often wary of popular Christian titles, particularly ones addressed to women. To be frank, I find a lot of them are written in a rather babyish, irritating tone. Maybe I have snobbish tendencies in this regard, but I have an aversion to goofy, Christian self-help books with silly stories to illustrate spiritual principles. Yuck. Okay, I got that out. haha! Thankfully, with my cousin's prodding, I decided to give it a chance. And, I am quite thankful for this book!
The title really says it all. This book is a must-have for ladies who are struggling within their relationship with Christ. Also, it's for that stubborn perfectionist who is constantly on the go, with ten million goals to reach before the end of the week. Joanna gets very practical and, I feel, she covered all bases in seeking to disciple young ladies. She helps her readers to see how unrealistic our expectations are that lead to "servant burnout," as she calls it. In addition, she addresses those fleshly disturbances that come about due to "servant burnout" and lack of abiding in the Vine. Upon defining "kitchen service" and "living room intimacy," she opens up the lessons found in all the passages containing Mary, Martha, and Lazarus, drawing out a deep, steadfast, theological basis for young women struggling through trials, lack of discipline, lack of direction, continual spiritual exhaustion, etc. She captures the spirits of Mary and Martha so well in relating them to the issues that arise for the 21st century woman. For those longing to experience true communion with the Lord in their lives, I would most definitely suggest this book!

Oh, and yes, Joanna had some silly stories....haha! Nevertheless, she balanced them with lots of simple, but profound wisdom. Although the lessons in her book weren't anything new to me, I still found it immensely helpful and encouraging. Sometimes, it's good to have a different voice share the same basic, Gospel truths. There were so many chapters that stood out to me, addressing specific fruits of the flesh that I often find myself wrestling with time and again. Her words are comforting for those who find themselves in seasons or spiritual drought, when the darkness will not lift.

Lastly, I read a review on amazon that stated: "This book takes you from churchianity to Christianity..." I couldn't have summarized it better!

Japanese Version of Psalm 23:

The Lord is my pace setter...I shall not rush.

He makes me stop at quiet intervals.

He provides me with images of stillness which restore my serenity.

He leads me in the way of efficiency through calmness of mind and his guidance is peace.

Even though I have a great many things to accomplish each day, I will not fret, for his presence is here.

His timelessness, his all importance, will keep me in balance.

He prepares refreshment and renewal in the midst of my activity by anointing my mind with his oils of tranquility.

My cup of joyous energy overflows.

Truly harmony and effectiveness shall be the fruits of my hours for I shall walk the pace of my Lord and dwell in his house forever.

~Toki Miyashina

Memories Before & After the Sound of Music: An Autobiography

I have a lot of seemingly random selections on my to-read list. This was one of them. However, it's really not so random as I contemplate my renewed love for biographies.

In her book, Agathe Von Trapp chronicles her life from beginning to end, giving the reader a detailed look into the daily lives of the Von Trapp household and adventures throughout the years. All I could think upon completing this book was, "Wow, what a full life!" The Von Trapp family were visionary pioneers. They lived through some rough periods of the 20th century, but their faith in the Lord and character are astounding! And, to top it off, they had some incredible skill sets to to share, which took them all across the world. From sewing, to painting and various art mediums, to singing, weaving, calligraphy, photography, etc, the Von Trapps were artistically-inclined in almost every sphere. Their family is truly inspirational and their story is even far more epic than the story shown in film. You can seek the mark of the hand of God upon their lives in every little detail! And, Agathe's wonderful narrative provides such an intimate look in their lives at home in Austria, as well as during many years of traveling and the challenges that arose from living on the road.
I grew up on The Sound Of Music, thus it's only natural that I should read the true story. Little did I expect it to be so vastly different from the film! I found it interesting to read Agathe's reaction to the film and Broadway musical. It appears that the Von Trapp family were quite appalled by both of them. But while it is disappointing to find out that great liberties were taken in the adaption of their story, it still doesn't change the fact that the film is a classic! Near the end of her life, Agathe describes how she overcame her bitterness and began to accept the film and show due to the genuine fans, whom she greatly adored.

In conclusion, I discovered an intriguing article listing details of the movie and reality that differed: Movie vs Reality: The Real Story of the Von Trapp Family by Joan Gearin

Also, one website that is worth checking out is the Trapp Family Lodge (a mountain resort in the European tradition) that they established decades ago in Vermont. I never even knew such a place existed until reading how they founded it in Agathe's autobiography! Their webpage is filled with information about their resort lodge, as well as details on their family. It seems quite pricey, but the lodge and the surrounding view takes your breath away! I'm sure it's a refreshing resort in which one can learn lots of history.

Still

2011-11-07T11:30:00.000-08:00

There is no doubt about it. November is my favorite month out of the entire year. I love the way the sun falls at this time of year and the chill that overtakes you when you step outside. It's not just because it's the holiday season (although, Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday). It has to be the feeling of anticipation one gets when looking forward to the new year, coupled with a sense of humbling fulfillment as the present year draws to a close. So much learned and still more to be sought out and experienced! Life is so vastly interesting, trials, struggles, and all! Especially when you're living it through the eyes of Yeshua. I may have a "bad" day every now and then and choose, in my stubbornness, to allow little things to vex me. However, the truth is that, within the next day, God will have enlightened my mind with something wonderfully comforting about that silly struggle or that worrisome burden.
Last weekend, during a short get-away trip to Payson, I was blessed to hear my uncle's amazing worship leading. I sensed the Spirit speaking comfort to my heart through the lyrics of a song, You're Still God. It was written by a British worship leader, Godfrey Birtill. I wasn't particularly wrestling with anything in that moment, but the words certainly calmed my soul. Also, I found that I was able to sing it with hope and confidence, which is something I want to seek to do every day in Him!

Where O where's Your presence O God?
In this dry and weary land
So many people drifting away
How we need to understand...
You're still God
Even when we're unbelieving
Still God
When we're desperate for our healing
Still God, still God, still God.
You're still God
Even when our friends desert us
Still God
Even through the things that hurt us
Still God, still God
So I will be still, and know You are God.

Where O where's Your kingdom O God?
We have let holiness go
So many idols litter our land
We've got to let this nation know...
You're Still God
When the government has no answers
Still God
When the media lowers the standard
Still God, still God, still God
You're still God
When the plans we make are worthless
Still God
When we lose our sense of purpose
Still God, You're still God,
So I will be still, and know You are God.
When will Jesus really be seen
Through the church that bears his name
Agents of his kingdom, his peace
In the world for which he came
You're still God
Even though You were rejected
Still God
Though You were ridiculed, deserted
Still God, still God, still God
You're still God
Though You suffered execution
Still God
You’re alive and Christ our champion
Still God, still God
So I will be still, and know You are God

Testimony of grace within conflict

2011-10-25T13:06:00.000-07:00

There is a question that relentlessly pounds against the interior of my soul: How could I ever, EVER doubt or distrust the One whom my soul loves?
There are points in my life where this just leaves me in tears. I know the Lord doesn't expect me to follow or trust Him perfectly. After all, that's why He is so amazing. Our God is dear and merciful to us. I know that He is instructing me in this, which is a life-long process. However, while there are all sorts of basic answers throughout Scripture for this that give a measure of comfort, the truth is that I do doubt my Lord all the time. And this brings me much grief and anguish.
I love Him so much that I want greater measures of all that He is welling up inside my soul! Yet, within the next second, I can be so downcast and discouraged, due to some circumstantial disturbance, that I begin to dwell on all the needs that aren't yet provided for or all the struggles that have not yet found a resolve (and not just the concerns of myself and immediate family, but I will begin to think upon all the needs of friends or those within the Body, all of whom I know are struggling spiritually/emotionally/financially/physically), though prayers have been lifted up for months. I think on all the ways that He has been silent, and all the days that He didn't answer (or, at least, not in the way that I thought He should) when a great and terrifying need arose. And, it's in the moments, when I'm confronted with harsh surroundings, that I turn away, in fear that the lie that He is silent and uncaring will entrap me. I immediately start filling myself with the reality of who He truly is. Psalm 145 and 146 makes His character so wonderfully clear to me in the struggle. Yet, at times, it is as if my soul refuses to feed on Truth. And those are moments that are hardest to bear. How can I be so frustrated with Him and, yet, so frustrated with myself for being frustrated at Him? It feels like an airway to my soul is so stuffed with the garbage of emotions and thoughts that I have to take the time to cry it out. Where I initially sought to do some "real" praying, I soon found myself doing a lot of crying. And, it's then that I realize that tears are prayers, too. God doesn't want a bunch of good words and scheduled prayer time to intercede for others in the place of a humbled and contrite heart. Intercession will usually flow from that time and not always precede it.
Even as I write all of this (and still wrestling through bits of this), I am remembering a special way in which my Lord did bless me recently. Since leaving college, I have felt confused as to what I should pursue in regards to a job. Everyone knows that I'm almost-incapable of holding a real job, due to the fact that money is not a great enough motivator for me, as well as the fact that I don't handle certain types of stress very well. I'm also much too old-fashioned and particular for my own good. I'm a person that needs a meaningful job. A job that involves serving. A job that doesn't feel like a job at all (thus why missionary stories attract me so much). Not that 9-5 dull-drum. So, I found myself in a rather complicated situation. I was wondering if I should just learn to do the things I don't like to do and learn how to be "normal" like everyone else. Naturally, as soon as the thought entered my mind, I shut it down.
Self, I will never be normal!!! NEVER. Oy.
Thus, my next goal was to find myself a job that did involve serving and caring for others. Nanny was my first choice, since I have more recently felt a draw to find more experience with children. Care giving for the elderly was my second choice, since I have done a bit of that before and found it quite rewarding. Recently, some dear friends of mine have been pursuing CNA classes and sharing with me about their endeavors. After doing some extensive research on how to become a certified nurse assistant (it wonderfully involves ZERO college experience) and what the actual position entails, I found myself torn for awhile, not sure if this was something I should eventually prepare to do. However, months slipped by with no direction or answers. I made some small preparation and pursuits toward becoming a nanny, but I was not met with any available positions that matched my schedule. Since a friend of mine was visiting this month during the weekdays, I knew that it would be best to wait to secure a job position after our time together. Well, over the months, after being a bit flustered with having to pursue a part-time care position, I knew God was pressing me to wait.
Yep. Just like every other department in my life right now. Wait.
Naturally, I wasn't happy. But His pressing was firm and I knew I was only going to continue running into a wall of frustration if I attempted pursuing a job on my own. Also, apart of me was still torn about pursuing a nanny position versus CNA training. All I could do was learn the virtue of patience.
The Sunday morning of the week that my friend came to visit, I received an e-mail request from a mother of three (through a care-giving network website) if I would be interested in taking care of her sons. She provided some details and the location, all of which fit very well into what I had been hoping and praying for. In addition, she mentioned that she was Christian, which was a pleasant blessing. I immediately responded and within a few short hours we connected over phone and planned to meet near the middle of the week. From her first e-mail, I had a good sense that this was the position for me. However, it wasn't until our first meeting that the Lord confirmed this. As she spoke to me about what type of caregiver she hoped for her sons, it seemed like everything fell neatly together. She wanted someone who would become part of their family and not look upon this position as a job, someone who is willing to pour into her kids' lives and seek to be dependable and faithful. All I could think was, "That's exactly my heart!" Then, after I answered her questions, she shared that she had been lifting up prayer for this need. It took me a second to react, but I immediately shared with her that I, too, had been praying for the Lord to reveal the family He purposed me to work with. We both became quite elated.
God is good, and there is never a need to small or seemingly petty to Him (e.g. the axe-head story in 2 King 6:1-7)
What a wonder it is to think two people, who didn't even know each other existed until a week and a half ago, were lifting up the same prayers, prompted by the Spirit! And, how wonderful it is that He chose us for each other and pressed me to wait until He should lead her to find my profile-page and contact me at the appropriate week, when I would be finally available for a part-time job!
This is the desire that the Lord placed in my heart while I was at Ellerslie in Summer '10. Tired of living a life after my flesh and disappointed with friends and people, I wanted to find a new approach to life and relationships. During my time at Ellerslie, I not only witnessed answered prayers, but I heard testimony after testimony of God faithfully providing and leading His children when they were fully surrendered to the will of His Spirit. Whether it was for a small, "insignificant" matter (like finding someone's lost ring in the sand at the volleyball court! True story, haha!), money for this or that, knowledge and answers to pursue the correct path for jobs/education/ministry, wisdom for matters concerning relationships, etc etc.
Yes, I thought, this is right. Christ must be intimately orchestrating every detail and we must be fully bent to the Spirit.
I finally found the true life of faith that I had been looking for all along. But this life of faith continually dwells in the state of surrender. Post-Ellerslie, this has been rough. I don't have a large church body to wake up to every single today and pray or worship with. I don't have sisters who will come alongside me and wrap me with prayer every day. I don't have leaders who will help keep me accountable. To be honest, Ellerslie is such an easy place to learn surrender because of the spiritually-soaked environment there. Now, that's good, because that is exactly what Ellerslie is about. However, Ellerslie-living isn't real life. It's just a set-apart season to prepare souls for real life. Nevertheless, there has been so much I have had to learn over and over again since returning from Ellerslie. I have found that surrender isn't a one-time thing for each particular issue or struggle. Surrender is the state in which a Christian abides and deepens in over time, swallowed up into the will of the Father.

In seeing the way He led me through this job struggle, which I'm sure I will encounter again throughout life, I was humbled. I left the meeting with the mother very much in awe of my Father's faithfulness. All I desired was an answer to the matter. I wasn't expecting Him to write out these lovely details. Yet, He did, because He so loves. His desires for us are only the best.
Oddly enough, I still found myself with plenty of questions after His orchestrating of all this. I know how wrong that sounds, but the questions remained: Why does our Father provide for the "small" things over the larger, more pressing, immediate needs (the ones that involve the health and healing of hurting hearts and souls to find peace)? Why does our Father seem to tarry for those who need SO much of Him, and yet He seems quicker to provide for temporal issues?
He has good purpose to work this way. My heart is sad because I want to see Him work the "big" things, but, as I wait, I'm filled with joy by the "little" blessings and provisions. He reminds me that my desire for Him to work the impossible is right and good, and that He is willing to do it. But I must wait, because the story is coming together in all the appropriate details that His hand has written.
Today, He gives me faith enough to trust Him for the big things. O Yeshua, that alone makes me love You so!
I find a great deal of comfort in the story where Jesus heals a boy with an unclean spirit. I often feel like I'm the father of the boy. There are many times when I believe in who He says He is and what He can do, but with all the uncertain circumstances and conflicting emotions/thoughts within myself, I find myself crying out to Him, "I believe, help my unbelief!"

And someone from the crowd answered him, “Teacher, I brought my son to you, for he has a spirit that makes him mute. And whenever it seizes him, it throws him down, and he foams and grinds his teeth and becomes rigid. So I asked your disciples to cast it out, and they were not able.” And he answered them, “O faithless generation, how long am I to be with you? How long am I to bear with you? Bring him to me.” And they brought the boy to him. And when the spirit saw him, immediately it convulsed the boy, and he fell on the ground and rolled about, foaming at the mouth. And Jesus asked his father, “How long has this been happening to him?” And he said, “From childhood. And it has often cast him into fire and into water, to destroy him. But if you can do anything, have compassion on us and help us.” And Jesus said to him, “‘If you can’! All things are possible for one who believes.” Immediately the father of the child cried out and said, “I believe; help my unbelief!” And when Jesus saw that a crowd came running together, he rebuked the unclean spirit, saying to it, “You mute and deaf spirit, I command you, come out of him and never enter him again.” And after crying out and convulsing him terribly, it came out, and the boy was like a corpse, so that most of them said, “He is dead.” But Jesus took him by the hand and lifted him up, and he arose. And when he had entered the house, his disciples asked him privately, “Why could we not cast it out?” And he said to them, “This kind cannot be driven out by anything but prayer and fasting.”

(Mark 9:17-29 ESV)

The ironic part of my whole "job" story is that I am caring for the three most difficult boys I have ever encountered. They have given me nothing but a rough time since I started last week. But it is so fitting! I am learning a lot about myself in my Father's eyes by caring for them every day.

I desire the heavenly stamp of His design and approval upon all my earthly affairs, so that I may always tell of His wonders to His others. I want every detail of my life so divinely composed that it will be completely apparent as to Who rules my life and has won my heart.

Abba is righteousness in all His ways. He keeps faith forever.

Visionary Monday: Of womanhood, submission, home, and silence!

2011-10-24T10:17:00.000-07:00

I have had some gems collecting in my quotations folder, eagerly waiting to be shared! I am always coming across tidbits of wisdom throughout the week. They keep me inspired!

Every woman, whether rich or poor, married or single, has a circle of influence within which, according to her character, she is exerting a certain amount of power for good or harm. Every woman by her virtue or her vice, by her wisdom or her folly, by her dignity or her levity is adding something to our national elevation or degradation. ~ John Angell James

We hear much about women's liberation today. I want you to be liberated. Here is the path of genuine liberation for a woman: submission. Submission allows her to run on the track; it allows her to make beautiful music in her home. When you do what God intended a woman to do, when you are what God intended a woman to be, that is when you will be most free. ~ Jay E. Adams

Love begins at home, and it is not how much we do...but how much love we put in that action. ~ Mother Teresa

Love begins by taking care of the closest ones - the ones at home. ~ Mother Teresa

We need to find God, and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature - trees, flowers, grass - grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence...We need silence to be able to touch souls. ~ Mother Teresa

Given

2011-10-07T12:44:00.000-07:00

I found these powerful and moving quotations by Mother Teresa the other day. They are reminding me how much the Lord wants our hearts. To be given. To be spent. And to be invested in Him.
Sometimes, I don't always know what that looks like. Other times, I'm not always willing to walk that path. And, on other days, I don't know how to be given to the needs obviously at hand when I feel so incapable.
To lose one's life for His namesake. The greatest and most dangerous venture of all. But as Paul wrote, exhorting the Hebrews, we must seek to not be sluggish, but imitate those who through patience and faith inherit the promises (Heb 6:12). And, also, to the Galatians he encouraged to not grow weary in doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up (Gal 6:9).

The more you have, the more you are occupied, the less you give. But the less you have the more free you are. Poverty for us is freedom....it is joyful freedom. There is no television here, no this, not that. But we are perfectly happy.

I pray that you will understand the words of Jesus, "Love one another as I have loved you." Ask yourself, "How has he loved me? Do I really love others in the same way?" Unless this love is among us, we can kill ourselves with work and it will only be work, not love. Work without love is slavery.

Speak tenderly to them. Let there be kindness in your face, in your eyes, in your smile, in the warmth of your greeting. Always have a cheerful smile. Don't only give your care, but give your heart as well.

Little things are indeed little, but to be faithful in little things is a great thing.

A sacrifice to be real must cost, must hurt, must empty ourselves. The fruit of silence is prayer, the fruit of prayer is faith, the fruit of faith is love, the fruit of love is service, the fruit of service is peace.

Oh, gaze ye on the firmament!

2011-10-04T14:02:00.000-07:00

I love reading a good poem aloud. This one was challenging, though.

A Sunset ~ Victor Hugo (from "Feuilles d'Automne")

I love the evenings, passionless and fair, I love the evens,
Whether old manor-fronts their ray with golden fulgence leavens,
In numerous leafage bosomed close;
Whether the mist in reefs of fire extend its reaches sheer,
Or a hundred sunbeams splinter in an azure atmosphere
On cloudy archipelagos.

Oh, gaze ye on the firmament! a hundred clouds in motion,
Up-piled in the immense sublime beneath the winds' commotion,
Their unimagined shapes accord:
Under their waves at intervals flame a pale levin through,
As if some giant of the air amid the vapors drew
A sudden elemental sword.

The sun at bay with splendid thrusts still keeps the sullen fold;
And momently at distance sets, as a cupola of gold,
The thatched roof of a cot a-glance;
Or on the blurred horizon joins his battle with the haze;
Or pools the blooming fields about with inter-isolate blaze,
Great moveless meres of radiance.

Then mark you how there hangs athwart the firmament's swept track,
Yonder a mighty crocodile with vast irradiant back,
A triple row of pointed teeth?
Under its burnished belly slips a ray of eventide,
The flickerings of a hundred glowing clouds in tenebrous side
With scales of golden mail ensheathe.

Then mounts a palace, then the air vibrates--the vision flees.
Confounded to its base, the fearful cloudy edifice
Ruins immense in mounded wrack;
Afar the fragments strew the sky, and each envermeiled cone
Hangeth, peak downward, overhead, like mountains overthrown
When the earthquake heaves its hugy back.

These vapors, with their leaden, golden, iron, bronzèd glows,
Where the hurricane, the waterspout, thunder, and hell repose,
Muttering hoarse dreams of destined harms,-
'Tis God who hangs their multitude amid the skiey deep,
As a warrior that suspendeth from the roof-tree of his keep
His dreadful and resounding arms!

All vanishes! The Sun, from topmost heaven precipitated,
Like a globe of iron which is tossed back fiery red
Into the furnace stirred to fume,
Shocking the cloudy surges, plashed from its impetuous ire,
Even to the zenith spattereth in a flecking scud of fire
The vaporous and inflamèd spaume.

O contemplate the heavens! Whenas the vein-drawn day dies pale,
In every season, every place, gaze through their every veil?
With love that has not speech for need!
Beneath their solemn beauty is a mystery infinite:
If winter hue them like a pall, or if the summer night
Fantasy them starre brede.

Sunrise on the Hills ~ Henry W. Longfellow

2011-09-26T14:27:00.000-07:00

I stood upon the hills, when heaven's wide arch

Was glorious with the sun's returning march.

And the woods were brightened, and soft gales

Went forth to kiss the sun-clad vales.

The clouds were far beneath me; bathed in light

They gathered mid-way round the wooded height,

And, in their fading glory, shone

Like hosts in battle overthrown.

As many a pinnacle, with shifting glance.

Through the gray mist thrust up its shattered lance.

And rocking on the cliff was left

The dark pine, blasted, bare, and cleft.

The veil of cloud was lifted, and below

Glowed the rich valley, and the river's flow

Was darkened by the forest's shade,

Or glistened in the white cascade;

Where upward, in the mellow blush of day,

The noisy bittern wheeled his spiral way.

I hear the distant waters dash.

I saw the current whirl and flash.

And richly, by the blue lake's silver beach,

The wood were bending with a silent reach.

Then o'er the vale, with gentle swell,

The music of the village bell

Came sweetly to the echo-giving hills;

And the wild horn, whose voice the woodland fills,

Was ringing to the merry shout,

That faint and far the glen sent out,

Where, answering to the sudden shot, thin smoke,

Through thick-leaved branches, from the dingle broke.

If thou art worn and hard beset

With sorrows, that thou wouldst forget.

If thou wouldst read a lesson, that will keep

Thy heart from fainting and thy soul from sleep,

Go to the woods and hills! No tears

Dim the sweet look that Nature wears.

The early hours

2011-09-26T12:58:00.000-07:00

Ah, morning. The most significant hours of the day!

I dearly yearn to be one of those strange people that wake up at 5:00am and manage to be greatly productive in the early hours of the day. I don't imagine I'll ever become so disciplined, but I do wish that 7:00/7:30/8:0ooam wasn't such torture for myself. By nature, I'm a night owl. Thus, I shall always be. However, I'm sure I'll continue to complain about it for the rest of my life! ha! I'm constantly challenged by this spiritual discipline because of how difficult it is for me to adjust to the morning hours. Lately, I have had to recall a helpful passage by George Mueller concerning Scripture meditation and prayer. I remember the mark it left in my mind several years ago when I was first coming to learn of the Christian devotional life. Even still, I'm pressed by these words. Feasting upon God should not be a brief affair in the morning. Nor should it be dull or directionless! The challenge is to make this your ONE thing that you pour energy into and, yet, it also requires a patient dependence upon the Spirit to warm and humble your heart. Day by day by day by day...to set to make this the one part of your life which will never alter or change in the importance or scheduling of it. Many have set first importance upon other things, but we, Christians, are different people. We are stranger and sojourners in this world. We set first importance to getting our souls satisfied in our Maker. We set first importance to the strength and richness of our souls! And this comes by way of careful meditation in the early hours of each day.

‎"Above all things see to it that your souls are happy in the Lord. Other things may press upon you, the Lord's work may even have urgent claims upon your attention, but I deliberately repeat, it is of supreme and paramount importance that you should seek above all things to have your souls truly happy in God Himself!..." ‎"...Day by day seek to make this the most important business of your life. This has been my firm and settled condition for the last five and thirty years. For the first four years after my conversion I knew not its vast importance, but now after much experience I specially commend this point to the notice of my younger brethren and sisters in Christ: the secret of all true effectual service is joy in God, having experimental acquaintance and fellowship with God Himself." "But in what way shall we attain to this settled happiness of soul? How shall we learn to enjoy God? How obtain such an all-sufficient soul-satisfying portion in him as shall enable us to let go the things of this world as vain and worthless in comparison? I answer, This happiness is to be obtained through the study of the Holy Scriptures. God has therein revealed Himself unto us in the face of Jesus Christ" "Now in brotherly love and affection I would give a few hints to my younger fellow-believers as to the way in which to keep up spiritual enjoyment. It is absolutely needful in order that happiness in the Lord may continue, that the Scriptures be regularly read. These are God's appointed means for the nourishment of the inner man. . . .Consider it, and ponder over it. . . . Especially we should read regularly through the Scriptures, consecutively, and not pick out here and there a chapter. If we do, we remain spiritual dwarfs. I tell you so affectionately. For the first four years after my conversion I made no progress, because I neglected the Bible. But when I regularly read on through the whole with reference to my own heart and soul, I directly made progress. Then my peace and joy continued more and more. Now I have been doing this for 47 years. I have read through the whole Bible about 100 times and I always find it fresh when I begin again. Thus my peace and joy have increased more and more." "I saw that the most important thing I had to do was to give myself to the reading of the word of God, and to meditation on it. . . . What is the food of the inner man? Not prayer, but the word of God; and . . . not the simple reading of the word of God, so that it only passes through our minds, just as water runs through a pipe, but considering what we read, pondering over it, and applying it to our hearts." "... that thus my heart might be comforted, encouraged, warned, reproved, instructed; and that thus, by means of the Word of God whilst meditating upon it, my heart might be brought into communion with the Lord... The first thing I did (early in the morning), after having asked in a few words the Lord's blessing upon his precious Word, was, to begin to meditate on the Word of God, searching, as it were into every verse to get blessing out of it; not for the sake of preaching on what I had meditated upon; but for the sake of obtaining food for my soul. The result I have found to be almost invariably this; that after a very few minutes my soul has been led to confession or to thanksgiving or to intercession or to supplication; so that though I did not as it were previously, give myself to prayer but to meditation yet it turned almost immediately more or less into prayer. The difference then between my former practice and my present one is this: Formerly when I arose I began to pray as soon as possible and generally spent all my time till breakfast in prayer or almost all the time... But what was the result? I often spent a quarter of an hour or half an hour or even an hour on my knees before being conscious to myself of having derived comfort, encouragement, humbling of soul, etc; and often, after having suffered much from wandering of mind for the first ten minutes or a quarter of an hour or even half an hour, I only then began really to pray. I scarcely ever suffer now in this way. For my heart being nourished by the Truth, being brought into true fellowship with God, I speak to my Father and to my Friend (vile though I am, and unworthy of it!) about the things that He has brought before me in his precious Word. It often now astonishes me that I did not sooner see this point... (some years later he writes) I generally read after family prayer large portions of the Word of God when I still pursue my practice of reading onward in The Holy Scriptures, sometimes in the New Testament and sometimes in the Old and for more than thirty-nine years I have proved the Blessedness of it. I take also either then or at other parts of the day, time more especially for prayer." ~ George Mueller

Secondly, I have re-learned the significance of daily worship as a part of morning meditation and prayer. As A.W. Tozer puts it, "Without worship, we go about miserable." I feel as if this truth is addressed to me. With hearts bent to worry and doubting, worship is a NEED. I need eyes off of myself and life's problems. And worship is what enables me to focus upon my God on those days when my insides are racing and discontent.

It is delightful to worship God, but it is also a humbling thing; and the man who has not been humbled in the presence of God will never be a worshiper of God at all. ~ A.W. Tozer

The Psalms speak of these things as well. David continually raises his petitions, praises, and prayers by the morning light!

O Lord, in the morning you hear my voice; in the morning I prepare a sacrifice for you and watch. ~ Psalm 5:3

But I will sing of your strength; I will sing aloud of your steadfast love in the morning. ~ Psalm 59:16

Satisfy us in the morning with your steadfast love, that we may rejoice and be glad all our days. ~ Psalm 90:14

Let me hear in the morning of your steadfast love, for in you I trust. Make me know the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul. ~ Psalm 143:8

Lord, renew these precious truths in me, day by day!

If I fail to spend two hours in prayer each morning, the devil gets the victory through the day. I have so much business I cannot get on without spending three hours daily in prayer. ~ Martin Luther

He who runs from God in the morning will scarcely find Him the rest of the day. ~ John Bunyan

Embrace the flame

2011-09-22T12:13:00.000-07:00

Bless our God, O peoples; let the sound of his praise be heard, who has kept our souls among the living and has not let our feet slip. For you, O God, have tested us; you have tried us as silver is tried. (Ps 66:8-10)

Awake, awake, O north wind!

Awake, awake, O south wind!

Blow over me

Come, O winds of testing!

Come, winds of refreshing!

Blow over me

Let the winds blow, let the winds blow!

Fling wide the door to my soul

Open up the door to my heart

Have Your way!

I won't be afraid; I will face the wind

I won't be afraid; I will embrace the flame

Take me through the fire; take me through the rain

Take me through the testing; I will do anything

Test me, try me, prove me, refine me like the gold, like the gold

Spiritual riches from soul poverty

2011-09-19T11:46:00.000-07:00

It is not so much the removing of the affliction that is upon us as the changing of the affliction, the metamorphosing of the affliction, so that it is quite turned and changed into something else. I mean in regard of the use of it, though for the thing itself the affliction remains. The way of contentment to a carnal heart is only the removing of the affliction. O that it may be gone! 'No', says a gracious heart, 'God has taught me a way to be content though the affliction itself still continues.' There is a power of grace to turn this affliction into good; it takes away the sting and poison of it. Take the case of poverty, a man's possessions are lost: Well, is there no way to be contented till your possessions are made up again? Till your poverty is removed? Yes, certainly, Christianity would teach contentment, though poverty continues. It will teach you how to turn your poverty into spiritual riches. You shall be poor still as to your outward possessions, but this shall be altered; whereas before it was a natural evil to you, it comes now to be turned to a spiritual benefit to you. And so you come to be content.

There is a saying of Ambrose, "Even poverty itself is riches to holy men." Godly men make their poverty into riches; they get more riches out of their poverty than ever they get out of their revenues. Out of all their trading in this world they never had such incomes as they have had out of their poverty. This a carnal heart will think strange, that a man shall make poverty the most gainful trade that ever he had in the world. I am persuaded that many Christians have found it so, they they have got more good by their poverty, than ever they got by all their riches. You find it in Scripture. Therefore, think not this strange that I am speaking of. You do not find one godly man who came out of an affliction worse than when he went into it; though for awhile he was shaken, yet at last he was better for an affliction. But a great many godly men, you find, have been worse for their prosperity.

Luther has a similar expression in his comment on the 5th chapter of the Galatians, the 17th verse: he says, 'A Christian becomes a might worker and a wonderful creator, that is' he says, 'to create out of heaviness joy, out of terror comfort, out of sin righteousness, and out of death life.' He brings light our of darkness. It was God's prerogative and great power, his creating power to command the light to shine out of darkness. Now a Christian is a partaker of the divine nature, so the Scripture says; grace is a part of the divine nature, and, being part of the divine nature, it has an impression of God's omnipotent power, that is, to create light out of darkness, to bring good out of evil - by this way a Christian comes to be content. God has given a Christian such power that he can turn affliction into mercies, can turn darkness into light.

...so when we say of grace, that it can turn water into wine, and turn poverty into riches, and make poverty a gainful trade, a carnal heart says, 'Let them have that trade if they will, and let them have water to drink, and see if they turn it into wine.' Oh, take heed you do not speak in a scornful way of the ways of God; grace has the power to turn afflictions into mercies. Two men may have the same affliction; to one it shall be as gall and wormwood, yet it shall be wine and honey and delightfulness and joy and advantage and riches to the other. This is the mystery of contentment, not so much by removing the evil, as by metamorphosing the evil, by changing the evil into good.

~ Jeremiah Burroughs, Christian Contentment

Spiritual Apparel

2011-09-16T12:24:00.000-07:00

"Study your profession, and thoroughly understand what it implies and enjoins. Consider well what sanctity of conduct; what spirituality of mind; what separation from the world in spirit and taste; what devotional feeling; what faith, hope, love, and humility; what amiableness of disposition and amenity of temper, are included in the declaration (And that declaration you have actually made), "I am a Christian." You should not have made such a profession if you did not understand it, or mean to sustain it. I remind you, it is a solemn thing to profess to be a disciple of Christ." ~ J.A. James

There is a brilliance in seeking a heavenly adornment. I want to understand what it means to wear and adorn the Gospel at all times, through all seasons. "When a woman professes godliness, that profession must be matched by her appearance and behavior." (The Beauty of Modesty, pg 97)

Joyfully at Home

2011-09-15T13:37:00.000-07:00

It has been several months since I finished this much-anticipated read, but I intended to write a small review on it before this year's end. For anyone who is well-acquainted with the Baucham family, it was a known fact that this book would rock many a world! I have always admired and respected the Baucham's passion for cultural and family reformation in a time where truth, virtue, and restoring a Biblical vision to the church is difficult to find. Vision is a key word, I think, for the Baucham's. Whenever I read anything they write, I am deeply encouraged by their faithful upholding of the Gospel, the supreme authority of Scripture, and the legacy of multi-generational faithfulness in families. Their sincerity and humility is always apparent and so very striking!

Sometimes, I do become a little tired of reading Biblical womanhood books because...well...I've read so many! I feel like I've heard all that there is to hear. But I know that is certainly not true! I think the real test is engaging women on deeper levels and pin-pointing specifics.

In the beginning, Jasmine makes it clear that..."This book is not about constructing a superficial list of do's and don'ts for daughters. It is about giving you the one-two-threes of living a perfect life. It isn't about falling into a cookie-cutter mold as a Christian daughter...Stay-at-home daughterhood is a biblical option that I believe all Christian young women should consider, given the principles of biblical womanhood, and given the responsibility of fathers for the protections of their daughters..."

And yet, Jasmine is perfectly honest and accepting of the fact that many will decide not to pursue this path. And, for others, this is simply not even an option due to decline of the family unit and the brokenness found in so many homes. After sharing her own story, she turns readers straight to the Gospel and its transforming power, as well as giving readers a sketch of Biblical womanhood in Scripture. She continues on this vein by sharing the effects of feminism on daughters, yet ends by giving her readers caution about swinging to the other extreme or painting ideals about what women should look like in contrast to our harsh, modern egalitarian leanings. She devotes half a chapter to showing the order of God's creation in Eden, where the Lord placed a specific headship upon man (within a marriage-family context) over women. Jasmine simply states, "that has less to do with placing women in a position of inferiority than it does with the fact that we serve a God of order." Understanding the complementary relationships between man and wife is only understood within the Christ-Church relationship. However, Jasmine's book is not about debating egalitarianism vs complementarianism. Her goal is to show the effects of God's purpose and the Gospel's life-transforming effects upon daughterhood. I believe, regardless of any young woman's background, the principles that Jasmine lays out through each chapter are perfectly applicable to everyone. Naturally, there are so many differing circumstances and situations, which will make the practical application of these principles somewhat difficult at times. Nevertheless, at the core of her book, lies strong Biblical truths of Calvary love, sacrifice, the building of character and endurance through afflictions and various struggles. In almost every chapter, she is devoted to maintaining a selfless, Christ-like approach to each of the areas and relationships that young women struggle with today. I realize that I say this about almost every book I read, but Joyfully at Home is a true GEM! :-)

Jasmine doesn't mind hitting at the stereotypical definitions of "homemaking" and "stay-at-home daughterhood." She tears down all preconceived notions and distorted examples of these very admirable (and Biblical) positions for women that so many have rejected. Did she always "think" this way? No. In fact, she shares that she once believed homemaking to be the position of a woman who has not a talent to do anything else. She had dreams of grandeur and renown, completely set upon her own ambitions, set to do whatever she willed in life, until she was shot down. Of course, I had to chuckle at this part because I had a very similar experience. She writes,

"And I did read that book. So Much More by Anna Sofia and Elizabeth Botkin. You could say that it ruined my life - at least the dreams that I had built for myself."

Sounds like she's not the only young woman that the Botkin's book left in ruins. While there have been so many differing (and often times too harsh) critiques of So Much More, I know the Lord used it greatly to shatter all my leanings toward feminism and to begin thinking more Biblically in regards to woman's role.

In each chapter, Jasmine beautifully weaves together the Gospel and the position of daughters. She devotes a separate chapter to cultivating relationships with mother, father, and siblings and exhorts young woman to seriously cherish each member of the family. She does gives practical advice on how to pour out into their lives, but also targets false and selfish views that many of us hold towards our family members. I love her emphasis here: "Every family is a tool of sanctification and sharpening." A passage that hit me in her "Becoming a Good Daughter to Your Mother" chapter was this particular one:

"Our mamas are all less than perfect, because we're all fallible humans. There is an old saying, "Familiarity breed contempt." Although few of us would say that we feel contempt for either of our parents, many of us are so used to concentrating on our mothers' faults (on the things we dislike about her, on the pet-peeves we have cultivated, on the daily annoyances we can so easily become hung up on, on the character flaws we have ground up noticing, etc.). We tend to be far less patient with our mothers than we ought to be; however, as we show forbearance and as we learn to focus, not on the flaws we see in our mothers, but instead, on their virtues, many of us will realize that we are living with Proverbs 31 women that we have not even learned to appreciate."

Reading this passage hurt. Not only in relation to my mother, but all members of my family. As I have spent my whole life wrestling with my perfectionism-ideals in a fallen world, this was a great struggle that dominated my childhood, thus causing dis-unity and discontentment. And, one does reap the consequences of this type of thinking. It is very common in the world today to hear daughters speak disrespectfully of their parents and make know their faults. And, in a world where discretion and modesty in disposition is not cultivated, I find this is perhaps one of our greatest weaknesses. Because young women do not learn that same respect and selfless love in their family relationships (and, no, we don't get to use the reason that we were never taught by our parents to exhibit that love! Christ is our example and lead! Once we are in Him, we are not slaves to the fleshly or worldly; His Word renews our mind and hearts), they go on to vex and tear down their own husbands/children in time. Our family, whether we live with them 24/7 or not, will always be our training ground. No matter how "dysfunctional" one's family may be, there is always a place there in which a young woman can restore a sense of unity and love, smoothing over past hurts and grievances through selfless devotion, or she can leave it in ruins. We are Christ's hands and feet to all. Even if our family members are unbelievers, there is a way that the love of Christ can break through barriers of hurt and dysfunction. I think I'm beginning to ramble at this point....but Jasmine's words are true and demand much reflection!

She continues to gently prod young woman to share their heart with their parents, as well as getting to know their hearts, and then bless them through acts of service and obedience. In regards to siblings, after giving a list of questions to begin exploring about your sibling's interests and passions, her exhortation is simple: "Just spend time with your siblings! Spend less time bickering with them and more time laughing with them and loving them and encouraging them! Less time tattling and more time redirecting them yourselves, lovingly and respectfully."

I found this challenging and amusing due to the fact that I, whether for good or ill, had such a great influence in raising my younger brother (one whom I regarded as a great disturbance to my life for about 6 or 7 years right after he started walking and talking, haha!). Older siblings, I'm sorry, but we just don't get a choice in this matter. We are held responsible to care for those born after us, whether we wanted them or not. haha! I learned this the hard way, as in most areas of my life, and yet, I again see the Lord's faithfulness in my mistakes. Where we once used to mostly argue and purposefully irritate each other before, has become an ongoing relationship of laughter for my brother and I. We love fake-bantering and bickering for the sake of laughing! While he and I struggle with mostly opposite personalities, we can't help that we do have so much in common being brother and sister! So, teasing is our love-language. And, I do believe we have grown to deeply appreciate each other in new ways over the years because of this! However, Jasmine's wisdom of older siblings inspiring character and virtues in younger siblings is something I do value and realize the necessity of practicing in their lives.

In her chapter on contributing to a joyful atmosphere at home, she directs our focus at home to four goals: Home as a hub for ministry and discipleship, Home as a training ground for life ahead, Home as a place where we can bless those nearest and dearest to us, and Home a mean to bless those in our church and community. In this chapter, she also advises in continuing to develop trust with your parents, keeping lines of communication open, learning to submit, setting measurable goals by making your time spent at home full of activity and growth. I find that she covers each aspect with depth while remaining very concise. In addition, she goes on to explore, in the proceeding chapter, much more than I have time to devote to in this post. From thought-provoking, convicting chapters of overcoming false views of husbands, self, singleness, God and His sovereignty to the highly practical and helpful chapters devoted to time-management, hospitality, friendships, and more. Jasmine equips and enables young women in the fight against discontentment that stems from a selfish spirit. She is always leading her readers back to Scripture and supporting everything through the Word. I would wish every young women to read this book....if they were willing to embrace the challenge that comes along with it! Jasmine seeks to inspire young women to reevaluate their at-home years as a "fruitful opportunity for growth and ministry," as well their post-high school and college plans. Near the end of her book, she does well to turn us to search the Scripture and come to our own conviction about each detail of our lives. She reminds us not to lose ourselves in a stereotype, nor to fall into an Effort/Rewards notion of Biblical womanhood, but to maintain our identity and joy in Christ in our calling of Femininity.

Before I conclude, I have to emphasize one aspect of Jasmine's writings: Her wit, humor, and personality shine through in each chapter and it's not hard to love her! She has so much charm and grace, and yet she has this contagious humor that I absolutely adore! She makes light of many "woes" that young women struggle through. Not in a cruel way, as if she hasn't thought and experienced many of the emotional ups-and-downs that come with being female, but in a way that really opens your eyes to the utter absurdity of some of the things that race through our heads. As a literature fanatic and a dreamer, she plays on the ridiculous girlishness throughout her book, inserting short, sarcastic, cutting comments for the topic that she is discussing, revealing some rather humiliating thoughts, emotions, and reactions that we all carry. Of course, they're almost always melodramatic. I was laughing all the way through! She engages you with the humor and it invites you to continue reading and be challenged!

Jasmine is a darling, through and through. I'm so thankful for this book because of its emphasis on the cultivation of character and spiritual strength that flows from Christ, our River of Life. Joyfully at Home is a worthy-read. Every single page of it!

Finally! The long awaited book review on...

2011-09-12T15:37:00.001-07:00

the Cross of Christ by John Stott!

The sad part is that I did not complete the last 1/4 of the book. I may shake my fists at the public library for not allowing renews on inter-library loans, but the fault only lies with me. I didn't keep up with the strict reading schedule that I had come up for myself. I must submit to the consequences. No, I did not finish this incredible book. *insert-tear-stricken-face-here* Nevertheless, one doesn't need to read many chapters of this book to realize what a gem it truly is!

I have read and heard many great reviews on this particular work by Stott over the years and it has taken me awhile to actual pursue reading it. After all, it is a thick book. And it's definite classified as a theological work. Theology and I don't always mix, but Gospel theology is quite a different area. This book was engaging on so many levels; I hardly think I will cover but a few of the many sections that stood out to me. If you're not passionate about the Gospel, get some of this good news in your system! I think it has been said that this book was Stott's magnum opus and it is very clear why. Stott was known for his brilliance and keen intellect as a preacher, entrepreneur, and writer, but I have read so many moving articles (since his death this past July) on his character, faith, and devotion to Christ and the Lord's people. It was clear that he lived the Gospel of which he had deeply studied for so long.

His great esteem for the centrality of the Cross and the authority of Scripture is striking as you begin to read the beginning chapters. In fact, his very first chapter is titled, The Centrality of the Cross, and begins by giving his readers a historical and Biblical account of the cross as a the symbol for Christianity. I have a love for Biblical/Church history, so Stott immediately drew me in!

Despite the great important of his teaching, his example, and his works of compassion and power, none of these was central to his mission. What dominated his mind was not the living by the giving of his life. This final self-sacrifice was his ‘hour’, for which he had come into the world. (pg 32, Stott)

One of things I really enjoyed about Stott's writing is the way that he takes you point by point through the Cross and all the details that entail such a divine work of God. I think we become too accustomed to the simplicity of the Gospel, that we forget the depth and the meaning behind it. We forget the seriousness of sin, the majesty of God in the light of who we are apart from Christ, why Christ had to die, by whose hands did he really die, the problem of forgiveness, why God needed satisfaction before he was prepared to forgive, why there needed to be a substitute before there could be propitiation, redemption, justification, or reconciliation, and what exactly the Cross achieved for us in its fullness.
Beginning his chapter on the self-substitution of God, he writes, "We have located the problem of forgiveness in the gravity of sin and the majesty of God, that is, in the realities of who we are and who he is. How can the holy love of God come to terms with the unholy lovelessness of man? What would happen if they were to come into collision with each other? The problem is not outside God; it is within his own being. Because God never contradicts himself, he must be himself and ‘satisfy’ himself, acting in absolute consistency with the perfection of his character. ‘It is the recognition of this divine necessity, or the failure to recognize it,’ wrote James Denny, ‘which ultimately divides interpreters of Christian into evangelical and non-evangelical, those who are true to the New Testament and those who cannot digest it.’

Moreover, as we have seen, this inward necessity does not mean that God must be true to only a part of himself (whether his law or honour or justice), nor that he must express one of his attributes (whether love or holiness) at the expense of another, but rather that he must be completely and invariably himself in the fullness of his moral being. T.J. Crawford stressed this point: ‘it is altogether an error…to suppose that God acts at one time according to one of his attributes, and at another time according to another. He acts in conformity with all of them at all times…As for the divine justice and the divine mercy in particular, the end of his work was not to bring them into harmony, as if they had been at variance with one another, but jointly to manifest and glorify them in the redemption of sinners. It is a case of combined action, and not of counteraction, on the part of these attributes, that is exhibited at the cross.’

In a generation that picks and chooses what aspects of God are best to focus on and tends toward separating the 'God of the Old Testament' and the 'God of the New Testament' (as if they're NOT the same, unchangeable LORD?!), I'm always on the lookout for men of authority in the Body to speak of the attributes of God as one whole. The Body needs to hear about the true God who is both the Lion and the Lamb. God's characteristics must be woven together and that is what makes Him truly glorious! By this, we know that "He was unwilling to act in love at the expense of his holiness or in holiness at the expense of his love. So we may say that he satisfied his holy love by himself dying the death and so bearing the judgment which sinners deserved. He both exacted and accepted the penalty of human sin. And he did it ‘so as to be just and the one who justified the man who has faith in Jesus’ (Rom 3:26)." (Stott)

Stott continues to knit together this beautiful, humbling reality throughout his book.

"It cannot be emphasized too strongly that God’s love is the source, not the consequence, of the atonement. As P.T. Forsyth expressed it, ‘the atonement did not procure grace, it flowed from grace.’ God does not love us because Christ died for us; Christ died for us because God loved us. If it is God’s wrath which needed to be propitiated, it is God’s love which did the propitiating. If it may be said that the propitiation ‘changed’ God, or that by it he changed himself, let us be clear he did not change from wrath to love, or from enmity to grace, since his character is unchanging. What the propitiation changed was his dealings with us. ‘The distinction I asked you to observe,’ wrote P.T. Forsyth, ‘is between a change of feeling and a change of treatment…God’s feeling toward us never needed to be changed. But God’s treatment of us, God’s practical relation to us – that had to change.’ He forgave us and welcomed us home."

There's so many facets to the Gospel that we truly need to know, protect, and cherish in accordance with Scripture. This brings me to yet another aspect of Stott's writing that I very much appreciated. In each chapter, as he is dissecting through each part of the work of the Cross, Stott presents various arguments and viewpoints that have developed over the centuries, from the early Greek and Latin church fathers to modern theologians and contemporaries. This was very intriguing to me because it reveals how easily man is led astray to create warped viewpoints that, though based partially in truths, have not stayed in line with Scripture. In one of the chapters, he walks you through various concepts and arguments that theologians and early church fathers have understood the obstacles to forgiveness which need first to be removed. He concludes the chapter with an argument against those viewpoints using Scripture to speak for itself. I found this helpful and informative because I did not realize how many ways one could warp the message of the Cross!

We strongly reject, therefore, every explanation of the death of Christ which does not have at its centre the principle of ‘satisfaction through substitution’, indeed divine self-satisfaction through divine self-substitution. The cross was not a commercial bargain with the devil, let alone one which tricked and trapped him; nor an exact equivalent, a quid pro quo to satisfy a code of honour or technical point of law; nor a compulsory submission of God to some moral authority above him from which he could not otherwise escape; nor a punishment of a meek Christ by a harsh and punitive Father; nor a procurement of salvation by a loving Christ from a mean and reluctant Father; for an action of the Father which bypassed Christ as Mediator. Instead, the righteous, loving Father humbled himself to become in and through his only Son flesh, sin and a curse for us, in order to redeem us without compromising his own character. The theological words ‘satisfaction’ and ‘substitution’ need to be carefully defined and safeguarded, but they cannot in any circumstances be given up. The biblical Gospel of atonement is of God satisfying himself by substituting himself for us.
The concept of substitution may be said, then, to lie at the heart of both sin and salvation. For the essence of sin is man substituting himself for God, while the essence of salvation is God substituting himself for man. Man asserts himself against God and puts himself where only God deserves to be; God sacrifices himself for man and puts himself where only man deserves to be. Man claims prerogatives which belong to God alone; God accepts penalties which belong to man alone. (Stott)

Sometimes, his statements pack a bullet to the heart. He writes the truth with such clarity and yet he is always pointing readers to the abundant goodness of God.

For there is nothing capricious or arbitrary about the holy God. Nor is he ever irascible, malicious, spiteful or vindictive. His anger is neither mysterious nor irrational. It is never unpredictable, but always predictable, because it is provoked by evil and by evil alone. The wrath of God…is his steady, unrelenting, unremitting, uncompromising antagonism to evil in all its forms and manifestations. In short, God’s anger is poles apart for ours. What provokes our anger (injured vanity) never provokes his; what provokes his anger (evil) seldom provokes ours.
There is no possibility of persuading, cajoling or bribing God to forgive us, for we deserve nothing at his hands but judgment. Nor, as we have seen, has Christ by his sacrifice prevailed upon God to pardon us. No, the initiative has been taken by God himself in his sheer mercy and grace. (Stott)

He allows the work of the cross to speak for itself and to do what it is meant to do....strip and humble us before the greatness of the Father's love.

The cross enforces three truths – about ourselves, about God and about Jesus Christ.
First, our sin must be extremely horrible. Nothing reveals the gravity of sin like the cross. For ultimately what sent Christ there was neither the greed of Judas, not the envy of the priests, nor the vacillating cowardice of Pilate, but our own greed, envy, cowardice and other sins, and Christ’s resolve in love and mercy to bear their judgment and so put them away. It is impossible for us to face Christ’s cross with integrity and not to feel ashamed of ourselves. Apathy, selfishness and complacency blossom everywhere in the world except at the cross. There these noxious weed shrivel and die. They are seen for the tatty, poisonous things they are. For if there was no way by which the righteous God could righteously forgive our unrighteousness, except that he should bear it himself in Christ, it must be serious indeed. It is only when we see this that, stripped of our self-righteousness and self-satisfaction, we are ready to put our trust in Jesus Christ as the Saviour we urgently need.
Secondly, God’s love must be wonderful beyond comprehension. God could quite justly have abandoned us to our fate. He could have left us alone to reap the fruit of our wrongdoing and to perish in our sins. It is what we deserved. But he did not. Because he loved us, he came after us in Christ. He pursued us even to the desolate anguish of the cross, where he bore our sin, guilt, judgment and death. It takes a hard and stony heart to remain unmoved by love like that. It is more than love. Its proper name is ‘grace,’ which is love to the undeserving.
Thirdly, Christ’s salvation must be a free gift. He ‘purchased’ it for us at the high price of his own life-blood. So what is there left for us to pay? Nothing! Since he claimed that all was now ‘finished’, there is nothing for us to contribute. Not of course that we now have a license to sin and can always count on God’s forgiveness. On the contrary, the same cross of Christ, which is the ground of free salvation, is also the most powerful incentive to a holy life. But this new life follows. First, we have to humble ourselves at the foot of the cross, confess that we have sinned and deserve nothing at his hand but judgment, thank him that he loved us and died for us, and receive from him a full and free forgiveness. Against this self-humbling our ingrained pride rebels. We resent the idea that we cannot ear – or even contribute to – our own salvation. So, we stumble, as Paul put it, over the stumbling-block of the cross.

Instead of inflicting upon us the judgment we deserved, God in Christ endured it in our place. Hell is the only alternative. This is the ‘scandal’, the stumbling block, of the cross. For our proud hearts rebel against it. We cannot bear to acknowledge either the seriousness of our sin and guilt or out utter indebtedness to the cross.
The proud human heart is there revealed. We insist on paying for what we have done. We cannot stand the humiliation of acknowledging our bankruptcy and allowing somebody else to pay for us. That notion that this somebody else should be God himself is just too much to take. We would rather perish than repent, rather lose ourselves than humble ourselves.
But we cannot escape the embarrassment of standing stark naked before God. It is no use our trying to cover up like Adam and Eve in the garden. Our attempts at self-justification are as ineffectual as their fig-leaves. We have to acknowledge our nakedness, see the divine substitute wearing our filthy rags instead of us, and allow him to clothe us with his own righteousness. (Stott)

Everything in me seeks to rise up with one big YES and say "There's the glory of the Gospel!" This is the message that is worth preserving with our lives!

I could continue quoting his work, but that would quickly become a disaster zone. I love quoting! However, in conclusion, I must say that this book is a perfect study companion with Scripture. Although Stott can get a little tedious at times with Greek translations while making his arguments, I didn't find this book hard to sift through at all. While it can be a lot to digest in one sitting (the chapters are quite long), it is never dull or dry for one moment. During each pause from reading, I found it a great source of truths to reflect on and very encouraging in relation to my prayers and time spent with Jesus everyday. Having Scripture and bold truths strongly and daily reaffirmed to you can do wonders for your soul! I'm so thankful to God for men like John Stott in our history that have fought the good fight of faith to preserve the Word and extend grace to all who hear. Now, I really need to buy this book so that I can finish the last few chapters...haha!

If the book of life is said in Rev 13:8 to belong to “the Lamb that was slain from the creation of the world’, then John is telling us nothing less than that from an eternity of the past to an eternity of the future the center stage is occupied by the Lamb of God who was slain. ~ John Stott

If the Cross of Christ is anything to the mind, it is surely everything - the most profound reality and the sublimest mystery. One comes to realize that literally all the wealth and glory of the gospel centers here. The Cross is the pivot as well as the center of New Testament thought. It is the exclusive mark of the Christian faith, the symbol of Christianity and its cynosure.

The more unbelievers deny its crucial character, the more do believers find in it the key to the mysteries of sin and suffering. We rediscover the apostolic emphasis on the Cross when we read the gospel with Muslims. We find that, although the offence of the Cross remains, its magnetic power is irresistible. ~ Samuel Zwemer, American missionary who labored in Arabia.

Eyes for Only You

2011-09-08T13:17:00.000-07:00

Do you know that feeling when you find a song that resonates a 110% with every fiber of your being? Oh how I want this to be ever upon my heart! I desire this to be spoken through my life!

Your steadfast love has captured my heart

Breaking through the years of my shame

You've quickly become the Lover of my soul

And I tell You it will always be the same

For I have set my heart toward You, Oh Lord

As I dwell in Your courts forevermore

Others call my name and beckon me to come

Oh but I, I have eyes for only You

I will always have eyes for only You

I sing this song that all others may know

My heart is steadfast, never to be moved

Distractions worthy, Oh they fight for my desire

but my devotion will only be proved

"I am my Beloved's, Oh and He is mine"

These are the words that echo through my soul

"Oh how She loves Him" the Angels do say

Through the ages the story will be told

Hunger is an escort into the deeper things of You

2011-09-06T13:24:00.000-07:00

I approach and He seems silent. I call! I cry...until all such soul-shouting becomes exhausting!

Does He not know that His nearness is our gird? Why does He withhold Himself? Why does He hold back His healing hand? Why does He not pour Himself out in greater measures according to the great and immediate needs of His people?

I am not as a young lion that suffers want and hunger, for as I seek You, I know that I lack none of Your goodness. Yet, all around, there remains still a great ache, a deep emptiness. Satisfaction is promised to those hungering and thirsting, left famished and wasted by this world and its burdens. If You let your children ache and pant for a time, do not disappoint in bringing about a downpour of all that You are in this place! Your Kingdom is righteousness, peace, and joy in the Holy Spirit (Rom 14:17). I want to waste my life in searching You out, to be so lovesick for this furthering of Your Kingdom and Your life here.

I stretch out my hands to you; my soul thirsts for you like a parched land. ~ Psalm 143:6

Soul Cry

~ Misty Edwards

As the deer pants for the water, my soul longs for You
As the body dies without water, my soul dies without You

They may say, “Come on, get over it
Drink, be merry, for tomorrow we die”
That’s why I’d rather sit in the house of mourning
Than at the table with fools
Blessed are the hungry—You said it, I believe it
Hunger is an escort into the deeper things of You
You satisfy, you satisfy

My soul cries, my soul cries, my soul cries for You

Take me to the place where You satisfy, take me to the river
I’ll do anything, God; there is no price, take me to the river

They may say, “Come on, get over it, everything is okay”
They may say, “Why the hunger?
Why the thirsting? Why the mourning?”
But my soul cries, my soul cries

All my tears You hold in a bottle; You will pour them out like rain
Weeping endures for the night, for the night
But joy comes in the morning, joy comes in the morning

Blessed are the hungry, blessed are the thirsty
You said it, I believe it; I believe it, I believe it
Hunger is the escort into the deeper things of You

Deep is calling out to deep is calling out to deep

Yesterday’s depth is feeling really shallow
I’ve gotta go deeper, deeper, deeper still
And all Your waves and all Your billows crash over me
Pulling me deep, deep, deeper
From glory to glory, from strength to strength
From depth to depth, I want to fellowship with You

You’re not so far away, it’s not too mysterious
You’re living on the inside of me, Your Spirit on the inside of me

Spring up, O well; spring up, O well; spring up, O well, within me!

Visionary Monday: Perfect Self-Forgetfulness

2011-08-29T14:46:00.000-07:00

I miss blogging more regularly, as well as keep up with my favorite blogs. But alas! Some things just have to take the backseat when life becomes chaotic and full. I have lots of random blog post ideas, various reflections that have been on my mind as of late. Not to mention, I've been reading more lately and feel quite strongly that I should share some of the treasures that I have come across. I hope to write them out soon, but for now I must share some pleasant quotations on family. Here is a lesson and value that is ever placed before us. If we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, who is Christ, then Calvary Love must be our daily pursuit (Eph 4:15).

In family life, love is the oil that eases friction, the cement that binds closer together, and the music that brings harmony. ~ Eva Burrows

"Love is always ready to deny itself, to give, sacrifice, just in the measure of its sincerity and intensity. Perfect love is perfect self-forgetfulness. Hence where there is love in a home, unselfishness is the law. Each forgets self and lives for others.
But where there is selfishness it mars joy. One selfish soul will destroy the sweetness of life in any home. It is like an ugly bush in the midst of a garden of flowers. It was selfishness that destroyed the first home and blighted all the loveliness of Paradise; and it has been blighting lovely things in earth's home ever since. We need to guard against this spirit." ~ J.R. Miller

"We speak much of the duty of making others happy. No day should pass, we say, on which we do not put a little cheer into some discouraged heart, make the path a little smoother for someone’s tired feet, or help some fainting robin unto its nest again. This is right. We cannot put too great emphasis upon the duty of giving happiness and cheer to others. But it is no less a duty that we should be happy and cheerful ourselves." ~ J.R. Miller

Shall Be Satisfied

2011-08-22T13:20:00.000-07:00

What it would be to obtain Jesus as the reward of every struggle and weight that we wrestle through! I have been meditating on this, lately. In a world where everything seems to demand your time, affection, energy, and attention from the moment you awake to the moment you lay down at night, it feels much too exhausting to maintain a steady focus on the real Prize. But He shall be obtained because He can be grasped! In my prayer times lately, I have been challenged to ask greater things of my Lord, in spite of various struggles. Some of them, in my judgment, are insignificant or petty. Others, are merely too hard. But as I have thrown each one down before His throne room of mercy, I have come to learn to expect only great and good things from Him. And, through each prayer, to come to find Him as the reward to my every prayer.

And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him. ~ Heb 11:6

Whether this or that comes to pass, it will be according to His will and His Word. He will make it clear. But just give me Jesus when it's said and done! The Psalmist spoke confidently of this one thing,

"As for me, I shall behold your face in righteousness; when I wake, I shall be satisfied with your likeness (Ps 17:15)." The Hebrew word here for satisfied means to be sated, to be fulfilled, have one's fill of (have desire satisfied), to enrich. This is the heart-cry of the Psalms. Is this the single cry of our hearts? It needs to be this and this alone. Every hour. Every passing day. Past all our needs and questions, we must increasingly desire Yeshua as He fills every place in our lives and hearts.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. ~ Heb 12:1-2

"The essence of prayer does not consist in asking God for something but in opening our hearts to God, in speaking with Him, and living with Him in perpetual communion. Prayer is continual abandonment to God. Prayer does not mean asking God for all kinds of things we want; it is rather the desire for God Himself, the only Giver of Life, Prayer is not asking, but union with God. Prayer is not a painful effort to gain from God help in the varying needs of our lives. Prayer is the desire to possess God Himself, the Source of all life. The true spirit of prayer does not consist in asking for blessings, but in receiving Him who is the giver of all blessings, and in living a life of fellowship with Him." ~ Sadhu Sundar Singh

All your works shall give thanks to you, O LORD, and all your saints shall bless you!

2011-08-22T12:39:00.000-07:00

Nothing compares to this - To know and to taste the fruit of such promises! Hashem is good and His mercy is over all that He has made.

On the glorious splendor of your majesty,

and on your wondrous works, I will meditate;

They shall speak of the might of your awesome deeds,

and I will declare your greatness.

They shall pour forth the fame of your abundant goodness

and shall sing aloud of your righteousness.

[The LORD is faithful in all his words

and kind in all his works.]

The LORD upholds all who are falling

and raises up all who are bowed down.

The eyes of all look to you,

and you give them their food in due season.

You open your hand;

you satisfy the desire of every living thing.

The LORD is righteous in all his ways

and kind in all his works.

The LORD is near to all who call on him,

to all who call on him in truth.

He fulfills the desire of those who fear him;

he also hears their cry and saves them.

The LORD preserves all who love him,

~ Psalm 145:5-7, 13b-20a

Martin Luther's strange help in understanding & enjoying Scripture

2011-08-15T14:58:00.000-07:00

Just read this comforting word recently and thought it was an appropriate excerpt for those of us having to watch others walk through suffering, as well as for when we partake of that same suffering. Glory be to Yeshua's name in all seasons of life.

Luther noticed in Psalm 119 that the writer not only prayed and meditated over the Word of God in order to understand it - he also suffered in order to understand it. The psalmist says, "Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I keep your word...It is good for me that I was afflicted, that I might learn your statutes. (Ps 119:67, 71). An indispensable key to understanding the Scriptures is suffering in the path of righteousness. It is sure that we will all be given this key: "Through many tribulations we must enter the kingdom of God" (Acts 14:22). For some, the Word comes with the key attached: "You received the word in much affliction, with the joy of the Holy Spirit" (1 Thess 1:6). That's the way it was for Luther.

He proved the value of trials over and over again in his own experience.

For as soon as God's Word becomes known through you, the devil will afflict you, will make a real doctor (teacher of doctrine) of you, and will teach you by his temptation to seek and to love God's Word. For I myself...owe my papists (Roman Catholic adversaries) many thanks for so beating, pressing, and frightening me through the devil's raging, that they have turned me into a fairly good theologian driving me to a goal I should never have reached.

Suffering was woven into life for Luther. Emotionally and spiritually he underwent the most oppressive struggles. For example, in a letter to Melancthon on Aug 2 1527, he writes:

For many a week I have been thrown back and forth in death and Hell; my whole body feels beaten, my limbs are still trembling. I almost lost Christ completely, driven about on the waves and storms of despair and blasphemy against God. But because of the intercession of the faithful, God began to take mercy on me and tor my soul from the depths of Hell.

These were the trials that opened his eyes to the meaning of Scripture. These experiences were as much a part of his exegetical labors as was his Greek lexicon. Seeing such things in the lives of the saints has caused me to think twice before I begrudge the trials of my ministry. How often I am tempted to think that the pressures and conflicts and frustrations are simply distractions from the business of ministry and Bible study. Luther (along with Ps 119: 67, 71) teaches us to see it all another way. The stresses of life, the interruptions, the disappointments, the conflicts, the physical ailments, the losses - all of these may well be the very lens through which we see the meaning of God's Word as never before. Paradoxically, the pain of life may open to us the Word that becomes the pathway to joy.

~ John Piper, When I Don't Desire God: How to Fight for Joy, pg. 134-135

Visionary Monday: The place for growth

2011-08-08T17:13:00.000-07:00

A hard week often results in frustration and discontentment for most. The flesh can try to fight through the hardships of life, but that is like trying to swim upstream. I want to be like the leaf on the surface of a quick moving river, surrendered to the current, and safe in all the river's guiding. To be like that in my Father's hands is my only prayer. Sometimes, home is the most difficult and, yet, most appropriate place to learn this.

“But the true idea of a home is that it is a place for growth...It is a place for children to grow – to grow into physical vigor and health and to be trained in all that shall make them true and noble men and women.
“. . . A true home set up and all its life ordered for the definite purpose of preparing and sending out human lives fashioned into symmetry, filled with lofty impulses and aspirations, governed by principles of rectitude and honor and fitted to enter upon the duties and struggles of life with wisdom and strength.”
~ J.R. Miller

"Christ is building His kingdom with earth's broken things. Men want only the strong, the successful, the victorious, the unbroken, in building their kingdoms; but God is the God of the unsuccessful, of those who have failed. Heaven is filling with earth's broken lives, and there is no bruised reed that Christ cannot take and restore to glorious blessedness and beauty. He can take the life crushed by pain or sorrow and make it into a harp whose music shall be all praise. He can lift earth's saddest failure up to heaven's glory." ~ J.R. Miller

When we are foiled, let us believe we shall overcome; when we have fallen, let us believe we shall rise again. Jacob, after he received a blow which made him lame, yet would not give over wrestling (Gen. 32:25) till he had obtained the blessing. So let us never give up, but, in our thoughts knit the beginning, progress and end together, and then we shall see ourselves in heaven out of the reach of all enemies. ~ Richard Sibbes

For all the promises of God find their Yes in him. That is why through him that we utter our Amen to God for his glory. And it is God who establishes us with you in Christ, and has anointed us, and who has also put his seal on us and given us his Spirit in our hearts as a guarantee. ~ 2 Cor 1:20-22

Like honey to my lips...

2011-08-03T19:03:00.000-07:00

As an avid fan of honey, I cannot help but adore the references in Scripture about the Lord's words being sweeter than honey. In addition, the fact that the promise land was called "the land flowing with milk and honey" has struck vivid images in my mind since I was young. Mmmmm!

As I was reading over Psalm 119 last night, I was reminded to check up and learn about honey's medicinal and healing properties. I knew the right place to go: my ever-growing herbal library.

The book? Herbal Antibiotics by Stephen Harrod Buhner (one of the most valuable books I own on that topic).

Here's what he has to share about honey:

Honey (concentrated nectar of wildflowers of various species)

Actions: Antibiotic, antiviral, anti-inflammatory, anticarcinogenic, expectorant, antiallergenic, laxative, antianemic, tonic, antifungal, immune stimulant, cell regenerator.

Contains, among other things, a complex assortment of enzymes, organic acids, esters, antibiotic agents, trace minerals, proteins, carbohydrates, hormones, and antimicrobial compounds.

One pound of the average honey contains 1333 calories, 1.4 grams of protein, 23 milligrams of calcium, 73 milligrams of phosphorus, 4.1 milligrams of iron, 1 milligram of niacin, and 16 milligrams of vitamin C, and vitamin A, beta carotene, the complete complex of B vitamins, vitamin D, vitamin E, vitamin K, magnesium, sulfur, chlorine, potassium, iodine, sodium, copper, manganese, high concentrations of hydrogen peroxide, and formic acid. Honey, in fact, contains more than 75 different compounds. Many of the remaining substances in honey are so complex (4 to 6 percent of the honey) that they have yet to be identified.

Honey has outperformed antibiotics in the treatment of stomach ulceration, gangrene, surgical wound infections, surgical incisions, and the protections of skin grafts, corneas, blood vessels, and bones during storage and shipment.

It is effective in improving chronic bronchitis, asthmatic bronchitis, bronchial asthma, chronic and allergic rhinitis, and sinusitis

It is effective in the treatment of colds, flu, respiratory infections, and general depressed immune problems.

It's incredible how strong and full of nutrients and vitamins and minerals it is! If honey, being so sweet, is this strong for our bodies, how much more is the Word, being called "sweeter," strengthening and vital to our souls?

The law of the LORD is perfect

reviving the soul;
the testimony of the LORD is sure,
making wise the simple;
the precepts of the LORD are right,
rejoicing the heart;
the commandment of the LORD is pure,
enlightening the eyes;
the fear of the LORD is clean,
enduring forever;
the rules of the LORD are true,
and righteous altogether.
More to be desired are they than gold,
even much fine gold;
sweeter also than honey
and drippings of the honeycomb.

~ Psalm 19:7-10

How sweet are your words to my taste,sweeter than honey to my mouth! ~ Psalm 119:103

Grace ~ Charis

2011-07-31T13:36:00.000-07:00

It is a fight to find your joy in Christ alone every day. In some seasons, it feels vastly more difficult than in others, as I have been recently learning. For another "Gospel goodness" post, I thought it would be appropriate to cover Grace.

In most modern church circles, grace has simply come to be defined as an unlimited acceptance of sin without conviction or sanctification. But this comes as no surprise when the church is allowing worldly influences to seep in, rather than making an impact and influence on the world! When the world seeps into the church, one starts to see an increasingly widespread tolerance of sin. It always starts in the "small" things that are subtle and hard to notice. But for those who are in the Word and abiding in the Vine, it is fairly easy to spot. So, as the definition of grace begins to truncate, the danger of sin starts to diminish in our eyes.

Oh how the eyes of man must be opened to take in a fuller view of God's divine grace! To really begin to see and savor His grace should lead us to a deeper abhorrence of sin and its dangers as we see how much sweeter and more fulfilling Christ is!

Here is a definition from the Blueletterbible.org concordance that I really adore!

Grace - good will, loving-kindness, favour - of the merciful kindness by which God, exerting his holy influence upon souls, turns them to Christ, keeps, strengthens, increases them in Christian faith, knowledge, affection, and kindles them to the exercise of the Christian virtues.

Grace has two parts. It's unmerited favor and it's a holy enabling. I love that these two things are not separated! It's so utterly crucial to our Christian walk that we begin to grasp the depth of God's grace. Here's why...

1. If Grace was merely unmerited favor, we would rest happy and sluggish in our sins knowing that we are saved for eternity in Christ, but are free to sin as we please because we can always fall back on His grace. This mindset has led many to a spirit of complacency in regards to their sin, feeling that it is futile to strive to be better than what they are since they will "always be this way" or thinking, "Christ really doesn't expect me to live holy {in regards to every area of life} because that's an impossible standard that can never be achieved." This mindset leaves one wallowing in their messes. For such a person, they are content in living in the "desert" as the "Promise Land" seems a bit too idealistic to one living in a fallen world.

2. If Grace was merely a holy enabling and strengthening, we would become quite prideful, religious, and perfectionist in our mentality. For some, this mindset might lead them to continually be on a self-made "spiritual" high. For others, it might lead them to be judgmental and unloving towards others who aren't overcoming their sins "quick enough." It leads one to expect how much of the "higher standard" that they'll be able to grasp in this life, instead of leaning on the Spirit to do the work according to the Lord's perfect timing. This mindset is all about the power and strength that the Christian has in Christ and seems to ignore the humbling reality that Christ often works to make us extremely helpless and weak in many areas of our life (for however long a season He appoints) so that we won't lean on Him just for "power" and "strength" (i.e. what we can get from Him) but rather just to lean on Him for Him alone even when we don't get those things immediately. For such a person, they presume to know how much of the "Promise Land" they'll receive and get to explore in their lifetime.

For those who trifle with sin, perhaps a warning should be heeded:

For certain people have crept in unnoticed who long ago were designated for this condemnation, ungodly people, who pervert the grace of our God into sensuality and deny our only Master and Lord, Jesus Christ. ~ Jude 1:4

Treating grace as a ticket to "do what you want" is a denying of the LORDSHIP of Christ over your life. Don't do it. Flee such a temptation.

Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, to make you obey its passions. Do not present your members to sin as instruments for unrighteousness, but present yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life, and your members to God as instruments for righteousness. For sin will have no dominion over you, since you are not under law but under grace.
What then? Are we to sin because we are not under law but under grace? By no means! Do you not know that if you present yourselves to anyone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one whom you obey, either of sin, which leads to death, or of obedience, which leads to righteousness? But thanks be to God, that you who were once slaves of sin have become obedient from the heart to the standard of teaching to which you were committed, and, having been set free from sin, have become slaves of righteousness.

Rom 6:12-18

For those who presume to be above their sins, as if they've obtained a certain level of "perfection" or "holiness", perhaps a reminder is needed:

So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

~ 2 Cor 12:7-10

There is always debate and disagreement over what Paul's thorn truly was, but I don't think the focus on the thorn is the main point. And some may ask, "why did God allow a messenger of Satan to harass Paul and why would He never take this away from him?" Again, I don't think that is the point. God is saying His grace is sufficient, ALWAYS. For days or for years, we may never "feel" or "see" the relief of a struggle with a particular sin or issue, though we continue to press on after Him through all the difficulty. For days or years, we may never truly know what it means to be empowered by God in a dramatic, life-changing way. Perhaps, our season of weakness lasts much longer than we wanted or predicted it would. Perhaps, we never truly feel like we're living a victorious Christian life even though we pray, read and study the Word, fellowship, and strive to remain in the Vine. But that doesn't nullify His grace. His empowering grace isn't always as we perceive it should or might be. His grace is sufficient when we're going through a long and hard battle because He keeps us through it all. He doesn't let us go, no matter what we think or feel. It's not based on our emotions or thoughts. He children still remain His children. A Christian will always, no matter how dark of a season they travel through, come out of it still trusting and loving Christ. This may look different for many people, but this is God's loving purpose for us through hard times.

The Spirit of God works mysteriously in our lives. We cannot presume that we "control" it now that we are in Christ. Our dear Father in heaven looks down upon us with His smiling face. He has holy, wise, and good purposes for everything in our lives. It's a temptation to think ill of Him when He withholds something from our lives for a certain struggle or hard circumstance. It's hard to find joy in Him and to love Him when He seems to be silent. May we increasingly find comfort in this verse:

Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. ~ Heb 4:16

When He withholds, He withholds lovingly. He says, "I love you so much. I know to the depths just how difficult this is for you. But I know what you truly need, even though it is not what you want. Trust Me in My decision concerning this. Is not My love and favor of you enough through the winds and the trials? Hold fast to me, My dear one. Please keep your eyes only on Me and, I promise, I'll carry you through. Don't look to anyone or anything else, no matter how wise or right it may seem. For now, all you need is Me. Am I not enough for you?"

Grace is not an empowering feeling. Sometimes, He call us to walk and obey in something even when we feel completely weak and unable to do it. Sometimes, the strength and enabling (whether that be actual physical strength, or joy, or love, or a willing heart, etc) doesn't come until after we start walking.

For those who seem complacent in their sins and never moving forward in their walk with Christ, we're called to bear with them. To bear long. And when we think they should have overcome already, or when we think we just cannot bear to hold them up any longer, we go to the His throne room of grace, again and again. And again. We are never to tolerate their sins in the way of encouraging or acting flippant of its dangers. No, we love them with truth and honesty, but also with tears and much service. To those willfully stubborn and unrepentant in their sins, we must learn to turn away. As Paul ordered to the Corinthian church to do for the man who was unrepentant in his sexual immorality, we are to deliver {them} to Satan for the destruction of the flesh, so that {their} spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord (1 Cor 5:5). And, we are to continue interceding for them, that they may come to a place of utter brokenness to find Life. In all these, He gives abundant grace so that we may learn to continue in prayer and well-doing, steadfast and sincere.

There are so many avenues in life where we come to learn what grace means and how it is applied. When it is woven correctly in the cords of who Christ is (Love, Holiness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Kindness, Righteousness), it is there that we will find freedom and change taking root.

We are great sinners, favored and loved by a great God, even in our most awful of states, pressing ever harder and striving ever further to obtain the fullness of Christ. I close with two of my favorite grace verses, praise God!

For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age, waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for himself a people for his own possession who are zealous for good works. ~ Titus 2:11-14

But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace toward me was not in vain. On the contrary, I worked harder than any of them, though it was not I, but the grace of God that is with me. ~ 1 Cor 15:10

Visionary Monday

2011-07-25T12:46:00.001-07:00

Your life is short, your duties many, your assistance great, and your reward sure; therefore faint not, hold on and hold up, in ways of well-doing, and heaven shall make amends for all

—Thomas Brooks

"I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus."-Philippians 3:14

Found this wonderful quotation at Blessed Femina. Amen!

Gospel Goodness

2011-07-24T15:38:00.000-07:00

Reflecting on the Gospel this lazy Sunday afternoon...

What was the precious blood of Christ for?

~ for atonement (Romans 5:11) i.e. making restoration.

~ for propitiation - and just and satisfying offering in our stead (Romans 3:25).

~ for our justification from sin (Romans 5:9).

~ for the forgiveness of sins (Eph 1:7, Col 1:14, Heb 9:7).

~ for the remission of sins (Matt 26:28, Rom 3:25, Heb 9:22).

~ for the cleansing, washing from all sin (1 John 1:7, Rev 1:5, Rev 7:14).

~ for the purging of our consciences (Heb 9:14).

~ for peace (Col 1:20).

~ for reconciliation unto Christ (Col 1:20).

~ for righteousness (Rom 3:22, 2 Cor 5:21, Phil 3:9).

~ for the purpose of saving us from the wrath that will come (Rom 5:9).

~ for the destruction of the devil (Heb 2:14).

~ for overcoming the devil (Rev 12:11).

~ for redemption, eternal redemption - for the purchase of our very beings (Eph 1:7, Col 1:14, Heb 9:12, Rev 5:9, Acts 20:28).

~ for the purpose of giving us life within, eternal life (John 6:53, 54).

~for the bringing back to life (Heb 13:20).

~ for sanctification (Heb 10:29, Heb 13:12)

~ for boldness to enter into the Holy of holies, the very presence of God (Heb 10:19).

~ for the purpose of enabling us to make our daily, hourly, minute-by-minute home in Christ Jesus (John 6:56).

The merits of the blood of Jesus are abounding!

"Your blood speaks a better word than all the empty claims I've heard upon this earth..."

~ Matt Redman

What can wash away my sin?
Nothing but the blood of Jesus;
What can make me whole again?
Nothing but the blood of Jesus.

Oh! precious is the flow
That makes me white as snow;
No other fount I know,
Nothing but the blood of Jesus.

~ Robert Lowry

Mayim Chaim ~ Living Water

2011-07-23T17:59:00.000-07:00

It never really leaves. That longing to go, to depart from the hum of the city, to quickly find that place of rest and quietness. Sometimes, I find that I can breathe more easily in the forest or mountain air. It's amazing how Christ as our All in all, meeting every need of ours, is reflected in nearly every part of life. It's reflected in the "needs" we have for solitude and escape. A change of scenery. A chance to enjoy something far bigger than us and the drone of our little lives. It is marvelous that we were made this way. We are not to underestimate the significance of rest, nor are we to abuse this gift as if our need is greater than the needs of other's or than time with our Maker. When I find myself overwhelmed or stressed, I remember this. I remember that I am designed with physical and emotional limits. I also remember that I am to die to self and the "rights" that self demands. And I remember that even when I am called to do something or bear something of greater difficulty than I had wanted, He can do it in me. And when I'm not called by His voice to go further, I am to lay down beneath the Living Waters. Either way, this River of Life is always flowing alongside and within.

On the last day of the feast, the great day, Jesus stood up and cried out, "If anyone thirsts, let him come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, asthe Scripture has said, 'Out of his heart will flow rivers of living water.'" Now this he said about the Spirit, whom those who believed in him were to receive, for as yet the Spirit had not been given, because Jesus was not yet glorified. ~ John 7:37-39

The woman said to him, "Sir, you have nothing to draw water with, and the well is deep. Where do you get that living water? Are you greater than our father Jacob? He gave us the well and drank from it himself, as did his sons and his livestock." Jesus said to her, "Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life." The woman said to him, "Sir, give me this water, so that I will not be thirsty or have to come here to draw water." ~ John 4:11-15

On that day living waters shall flow out from Jerusalem, half of them to the eastern sea and half of them to the western sea. It shall continue in summer as in winter. And the LORD will be king over all the earth. On that day the LORD will be one and his name one. ~ Zech 4:8-9

For the Lamb in the midst of the throne will be their shepherd,
and he will guide them to springs of living water,
and God will wipe away every tear from their eyes."

~ Revelation 7:17

Entrusted With Much

2011-07-22T17:01:00.000-07:00

Something that I am so incredibly grateful for is the LORD's work in Katie Davis and Amazima Ministries. When I wrestle with discontentment or fear or tiredness from those whom He has called me to minister to, I think of Katie. And I read her stories. She writes, "We want only to represent Him well." To represent Him well. To die deeper to self. To surrender more fully to His sovereign, comforting hands. Yes, I want that. Every time I don't know how to love or serve or pray, I remember that He can. He will. And the heaviness gives way to a more peaceful acceptance.The hardest paths in this life reap a more full, joyful, and abundant reward in our dear Yeshua.

He has entrusted me with so much. And from those who much has been entrusted, much more will be demanded. We want only to represent Him well. So I have taken some time away to feel the weight of it all. 13 little girls, the families in the back yard, friends, family, people in Masese, people in Buziika, people in America looking at me. And satan whispers, “Run. Run and run and run. No book. No blog. No more homeless people in the guestroom. Lock your doors. Take these 13 and just shut yourselves in and stay away from all these eyes because you are not good enough to have so many eyes on you. Run.”

But I look out in the yard and I see only redemption. I see God making thorn bushes into pine trees. I see Him filling our holes with His blood. I see traumatized children that struggle sometimes but laugh mostly. I see them embracing these one-drunk, once-lifeless, once-starving people who are growing in a merciful, healing Father. I see lives changed and I see eternities changed. I see family where there once was only loneliness. And I don’t know why He chose me, this broken little girl, to witness all of it.

I look up. And His voice is so much louder than satan’s. “I have entrusted you with much and I have demanded of you much. But only with me will your life bear much. So run. Run and run and run into my arms. Run. Run and run and run into this world sharing this story that has Me at the center. This making of disciples, it is my business. And I am with you always and my burden is light. I spill through your brokenness and I will be glorified. I promise. I will be glorified.” And that is all I want.

I sat in the heaviness. And I weighed the risks of sharing our entire life, all of it, the joy and the sad, the beautiful and the ugly, with the whole crazy world. And I know. That if on the other side of that risk is the possibility that someone may see Jesus in our brokenness and know that there is grace and purpose in theirs too, then the whole crazy world is welcome. For a glass of water, for a welcoming smile, for a story of redemption, for a place to belong. For a glimpse of a Savior who uses even us, the messy ones. “Come and listen to what He’s done for us. For you.”

We look up. We are thankful for the mess. We are thankful for the much. We are thankful for a story to share, the story of His death and His story in our lives.

~ Katie Davis, Kisses from Katie blog

Under the blanket of snow...

2011-07-15T12:52:00.000-07:00

And then suddenly - snow. And all our pleasant things are laid waste, or so indeed it seems, for we cannot see them anywhere; and all our newborn hopes are deep under the snow. For hopes had begun to be: a hope of healing, perhaps, if the trial be of the flesh; of a reversal of decision if it be something that lies in the power of another; or some tough on the wheel that turns our earthly affairs, if it concerns our circumstances; of some break somewhere, some natural human joy, some relief, some comfort in the aching sense of loss - and now the snow has fallen and covered everything.

We see no sign of them. They are all under the blanket of snow, and there is an insidious push towards "the wasteful luxury of depression," or some other deadly form of spiritual indifference. What can we do? If the snow be not something against which we are meant to engage in spiritual warfare, a manifestation of the power of the prince of darkness whom we must always resist, then I know of only one answer: In acceptance lieth peace.

Things may be so that it is not easy to know whether we should resist or accept. And yet, if we wait a little, clearness will be given. Something will tell us. (Rather, Someone will tell us. The sheep know the Shepherd's voice.) Perhaps a verse of Scripture will be brought to mind and illuminated like a mountain peak in sunrise.

St. Paul dropped a shining thread that will lead us through the maze. He resisted injustice: Stripes - "Is it lawful for you to scourge a man that is a Roman?" Imprisonment - "I appeal unto Caesar."

But when stripes and imprisonment had to be endured, there is acceptance. He does not think of himself as Caesar's prisoner: "Paul, a prisoner of Jesus Christ." The steel chains of Caesar are his Lord's chains of gold. He is expecting deliverance ("I trust that through your prayers I shall be given unto you"), but we do not ever find him wrestling for his liberty with the rulers of the darkness of this world, who were behind the powers that had imprisoned him. His wrestling, laboring, agonizing, in prayer, was for others, not for himself. And even though he did not see the answer to all those prayers, he was so peacefully minded that he could lead others into peace.

And so we come back to the though which underlies this chapter. There is no strength to resist the ravaging lion as he prowls about seeking whom he may devour, unless our hearts have learned to accept the unexplained in our own lives, and the delays and disappointments and reverses which often come where our prayer for others seem to fall into silence and we see not our signs, and all is under snow.

Accept the snowfall as the appointed providence for the winter months, and wait till the voice which the winds obey calls to His south wind, "Blow upon My garden."

To accept the will of God never leads to the miserable feeling that it is useless to strive any more. God does not ask for the dull, weak, sleepy acquiescence of indolence. He asks for something vivid and strong. He asks us to co-operate with Him, actively willing what He wills, our only aim His glory. To accept in this sense is to come with all the desire of the mind unto the place which the Lord shall choose, and the minister in the name of the Lord our God there - not otherwhere. Where the things of God are concerned, acceptance always means the happy choice of mind and heart of that which He appoints, because (for the present) it is His good and acceptable and perfect will.

And if it seems impossible to live so, "Rest upon God to do for you more than you can understand."

There is nothing cloudy or nebulous about a life on these peaceful lines. If the trial be illness, there is the prayer of faith, the obedience of faith, and a steadfast working together with the power of healing. If it be the long strain of uncertainty, that weariest of all straining things, there is an eager and attentive and yet peaceful waiting, like the waiting of the little ship near the shore that was ready at the slightest sign to set sail with the Master; ready, too, to wait there till He made that sign. If the sorrow be an absence that must continue for a while, there is the refusal of disheartening, weakening thoughts and the settling of the will to lay hold upon words of everlasting consolation. Unreserved acceptance opens the way for the turning of the captivity - "whoso offereth thanksgving glorifieth Me and prepareth a way that I may show him the salvation of God." It makes for the quickening of life under the snow, and for the serenity which flows from interior peace.

O thou beloved child of My desire,

Whether I lead thee through green valleys,

By still waters,

Or through fire,

Or lay thee down in silence under snow,

Through any weather, and whatever

Cloud may gather,

Wind may blow -

Wilt thou love Me? trust Me? praise Me?

This comes before the shouting song of flowers and the yellow corn.

The snow-time is full of quiet secrets too, for we are carefully keeping secrets with our God about the growing things under the snow, secrets like those a child keeps with its mother, little private understandings not to be spoken aloud. A glance, a smile, a touch of the hand - that is their speech.

Sometimes there are beautiful thing that would not have been if there had not been snow. "There was never any prisons of suffering that I was in, but still it was for the bringing multitudes more out of prison." said George Fox after his bitterest snowstorm. These inward cherishings of joy lead to what the older Friends called "a cool and tender Frame of spirit." There is no futile restlessness if we have hope that another may be helped by something we have found under the snow.

There are some for whom snow must mean such dense darkness that the mind cannot conceive of any light piercing through. As well hope to cage a rainbow and carry it down to them. Behold I am the Lord, the God of all flesh, is there anything too hard for Me? Ah, Lord God, behold, Thou hast made the heaven and the earth by Thy great power and stretched-out arm, and there is nothing too hard for Thee. I know that Thou canst do everything. And yet?

That unspoken question has racked many a heart, especially when some distress has made the thought of others in greater distress intolerable. We forget that something good may be happening for their help, something almost unbelievably good.

Through the dark and silence night

On Thy radiant smiles I dwelt;

And to see the dawning light

Was the keenest pain I felt.

That was written by Madame Guyon, who suffered in every sensitive fiber of her being. The words may seem too high for earth. But it is not for us to set a limit to what God is prepared to do when He is training a soul to endure, not accepting deliverance.

O Lord, Thou art wonderful. Thou canst make a radiance anywhere. There is nothing too hard for Thee.

Suffering, hunger, poverty, baffling circumstances cannot of themselves make anything but confusion. But if there be the touch of the Hand, all these things work together for good, not for ill, not for discord, but for something like the harmony of music.

So the ruin is not out of sight, and thoughts wander round it at times: If it be loss, there is still an aching absence; if it be difficult circumstances, they still dominate the landscape; if it be limitations, they still confine us.

But to stop there is to lose all. What if the crash of hopes, the heartbreak, this that piles itself up as the ruin in the picture of life, does truly make more manifest what our Book calls the Beauty of the Lord? If that be so, we should not wait till we are where life's poor ruins will appear as the tumbled bricks of a child's castle before we let our hearts take comfort from such words as these: "I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you an expected end." Rotherham understands God's thoughts to mean His plans: "I know the plans which I am planning for you, plans of welfare and not of calamity, to give you a future and a hope." Thoughts of peace for our prayers, for our intercession for others which seem to be ineffective; a future and a hope for the prayers that we feared were covered by the snow, and for those others that appeared to fall to earth like the falling stars that break and scatter into nothingness as we watch them - even those prayers are folded up in the thoughts of peace that He thinks toward us.

Hammer this truth out on the anvil of experience - this truth that loving thoughts of God direct and perfect all that concerneth us; it will bear to be beaten out to the uttermost. The pledged word of God to man is no puffball to break at a touch and scatter into dust. It is iron. It is gold, that most malleable of all metals. It is more golden than gold. It abideth imperishable forever. If we wait till we have clear enough vision to see the expected end before we stay our mind upon Him who is our Strength, we shall miss an opportunity that will never come again: we shall never know the blessing of the unoffended. Now is the time to say, "My heart is fixed, O God, my heart is fixed: I will sing and give praise," even though as we say the words there is no sense of exultation. "It is possible to gather gold, where it may be had, with moonlight," by which I understand something less helpful than daylight would be in the search and the finding of gold. By moonlight, then, let us gather our gold.

~ Excerpts from Gold by Moonlight, by Amy Carmichael

God gave me Amy Carmichael's writings for whenever I have had no words to describe the innermost turmoil of the soul. She walked through snow, by moonlight, in her soul and with others. And yes, she gathered much gold to share abundantly with others. Her words are refreshing and humbling to me, as they seem to so perfectly depict the present circumstances and trials. The heaviness seems lighter when you allow truth to shine forth. Even when our intercession for others seem to be lost, covered up, and forgotten, His voice will break through the night and cause the wind to blow upon His garden. He alone calls life forth from death. O most gracious Lord, we wait.

Through fire and water...

2011-07-11T13:33:00.000-07:00

Bless our God, O peoples;

let the sound of his praise be heard.

who has kept our soul among the living

and has not let our feet slip.

For you, O God have tested us;

you have tried us as silver is tried.

You brought us into the net;

you laid a crushing burden on our backs;

you let men ride over our heads;

we went through fire and through water;

yet you have brought us out to a place of abundance.

~ Psalm 66:8-12

The Psalmist makes it clear that it is the LORD who afflicted them and brought them through trials. Some people refuse to accept that about God, from the revelation of the Scriptures. But it cannot be ignored. Pain and trials do come and, when they do, we must have right theology. If the Cross isn't our center and if God isn't the complete Sovereign ruler, how easy it is to fall in the day of adversity. Our Father is not mean or abusive. But His refining work is heavy and hard at times. Yet, He remains forever...our Emmanuel, God with us. He will always bring us out to a place of abundance.

"It is utterly crucial that in our darkness we affirm the wise, strong hand of God to hold us, even when we have no strength to hold him."

John Piper

I don't know if I can say that I have suffered much in my life, though in my own trials I have felt the darkness; however, I have been among those who have and continue to suffer hard. Intensely hard. Waiting for the darkness to lift for others can be just as painful. You wrestle with wanting to understand and to make sense of it all even for them. But the most humbling part is that the LORD does not allow us to fully understand why. And this is why suffering is often a sensitive subject for many in relation to the love of God. Some refuse Him because "how could He have allowed this and this to happen...?" But, we miss the point entirely when we try to reason with the sovereignty of God and the pain and sufferings of mankind. The minute we start trying to reconcile those two things in our feeble understanding, we miss the glory of the Gospel and the power of the Cross for this grieving world. The only thing we're called to comprehend and search the depth of is His love...perhaps because that is the only thing that is eternal. The only thing which we were made to intimately know.

I have been thinking of 1 John 4:16, which in one translation says, "We have come to understand and trust the love which God hath in us." We can never fully understand that love, but we can begin to understand it even here and now, and as we understand we trust. This means that we trust all that the love of God does; all He gives and does not give, all He says and all He does not say; To it all we say, by His most loving enabling -I trust.

~ Amy Carmichael

For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. ~ Romans 8:18

We can and will know some of this glory here on earth through the fulfillment of His promises and the indwelling of His Spirit...

I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the LORD
in the land of the living!

~ Psalm 27:13

Excerpts from Amy Carmichael's Candle In the Dark that have touched and moved me deeply this past month.

More and more I feel that love is the golden secret of life. The very air of heaven is love, for God is love and love never fails. So go on loving not only the loveless but the unlovable, the difficult, the perplexing, the disappointing - unto the end.

All around us is the great, dark, unloving world. How very few care for our Savior; even those who are called by His name sometimes offer Him a very cold kind of affection. He said on the cross, I thirst, and even now His love is athirst for love. Form the habit of using everything that speaks of His presence to remind you of Him, and as you are so reminded, lift up your heart in loving adoration. "Lord, I love Thee; I who am dust of Thy dust, I love Thee; I worship Thee; I adore Thee."If only you do this, then of one thing I am sure. You will not only love one another so tenderly that unkindness will be impossible, but every man, woman, and child who comes to you will feel some touch of His kindness. Love will flow round everyone and far beyond - who can tell how far? And best of all, there will be refreshment for Him as of a drink of cool water on a hot day.

And like Mephibosheth, we wait...we wait. Because Christ is all we have, and He is our Greatest Good. I pray to come to know His love more fully through the fire and water.

Visionary Monday: Daughterhood

2011-07-04T11:02:00.000-07:00

Some amazingly inspiring quotations for the week...Amen!

We must teach our daughters that their value and identity lie in the fact that they are image-bearers of the God of glory. This will protect them from seeking significance in the inconsequential shallowness of self-fulfillment, personal happiness, materialism, or others’ approval. Our daughters must know the wondrous truth that their overarching purpose in life is God’s glory. ~ Susan Hunt

Of course, the gospel provides a young woman with the ultimate antidote to the worship of any human’s acceptance and approval. The antidote is the worship of the One she was created to worship, Jesus Christ. He, the God-man, can become her identity as she hears Him call her to come and worship Him and find her life in Him rather than in any other man (Col. 3:4). He welcomes and assures her that, although she is an idolater, she is also loved and welcomed by the only Man whose opinion really matters. She doesn’t need to attach herself to anyone other than Him, for in Him she has everything she needs (Phil. 4:19). He is her Bridegroom. She is clothed in His righteousness (2 Cor. 5:21). She is complete in Him (Col. 2:10).

~ Elyse M. Fitzpatrick

She who cannot keep her temper, or be self-sacrificing, tender, bright, and attentive at home, will never be of any real and permanent use to God's poor abroad, however much she may bind herself by rules and pledges. And certainly it is the every-day duties and relations of life that are the most sacred. Hence I repeat as long as you have about you in your own home, parents, sister, brother or servant to whom you can do good, that is the place in which you are appointed to illustrate, and live up to the principle of the lines: "They serve God well who serve His creatures most." Meanwhile, give your heart to God, and then you will find the perplexing questions which now trouble you will vanish, and the home duties, the watchfulness over one's inner life, the devotion to God, and the life of usefulness will all fall into place; you will find also your dreams of regenerating society by the means of sisterhoods and organizations will give way to the simple belief that "the only way to regenerate the world is to do the duty which lies nearest us, and not to hunt after grand far-reaching ones for ourselves. "

-From Life's Everydayness by Rose Porter

Visionary Monday ~ Discretion

2011-06-20T11:33:00.000-07:00

"Our hands are God's and can fitly be used only in doing His work. Our feet are God's and may be employed only in walking in His ways and running His errands. Our lips are God's and should speak only words which honor Him and bless others. Our hearts are God's and must not be profaned by thoughts and affections which are not pure." ~ J.R. Miller, from Being Christians on Weekdays

I just read a blog post this morning that I found very appropriate for what the LORD continues to instruct me in. The lesson is on discretion. What is it?

Discretion: It is the quality of having or showing discernment or good judgment : the quality of being discreet : circumspection;especially : cautious reserve in speech.

While it seems like an old, repetitive lesson (one that I found well circulated amongst the blogsphere), one can never hear it enough. The author of the article, A Woman of Discretion, does well to ask, "are we training ourselves to be women of discretion?" Training implies that one is willingly accepting daily correction and instruction with a humble spirit and then applying those gems of wisdom in a practical way. When you're just going through a typical week, it's so easy to get caught up in what "needs" to be done that you're totally hardened to actually gleaning something of value that day. I know I sure do! Also, while I'm still learning everyday, it's more like I'm just being filled with a sort of head-knowledge and not actually applying with my heart what I have been shown and taught by the Spirit.

Discretion is applied by the quietness and reserve of the inner spirit, which we obtain before the presence of our Living God. It manifests itself by the holding of one's tongue. It's a turning to the Father of all wisdom when one sees the temptation to speak in haste or wrath. It's aspiring to live quietly, to mind your own affairs, and to work with your hands (1 Thess 4:11). It seeks to bless its household at all times. It does not meddle in the affairs of others, nor give way to curiosity. It runs from such temptation and finds it solace within the arms of its Maker.

Give such reserve to our spirits, O LORD!

And the tongue is a fire, the very world of iniquity; the tongue is set among our members as that which defiles the entire body, and sets on fire the course of our life, and is set on fire by hell. For every species of beasts and birds, of reptiles and creatures of the sea, is tamed and has been tamed by the human race. But no one can tame the tongue; it is a restless evil and full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in the likeness of God; from the same mouth come both blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be this way. Does a fountain send out from the same opening both fresh and bitter water? Can a fig tree, my brethren, produce olives, or a vine produce figs? Nor can salt water produce fresh. ~ James 3:6

My son, if you receive my words
and treasure up my commandments with you,
making your ear attentive to wisdom
and inclining your heart to understanding;
yes, if you call out for insight
and raise your voice for understanding,
if you seek it like silver
and search for it as for hidden treasures,
then you will understand the fear of the LORD
and find the knowledge of God.
For the LORD gives wisdom;
from his mouth come knowledge and understanding;
he stores up sound wisdom for the upright;
he is a shield to those who walk in integrity,
guarding the paths of justice
and watching over the way of his saints.
Then you will understand righteousness and justice
and equity, every good path;
for wisdom will come into your heart,
and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul;

discretion will watch over you,
understanding will guard you,
delivering you from the way of evil…

~ Prov 2:1-12

Friday Reflections ~ Come Away with Him

2011-06-17T16:31:00.000-07:00

Beautiful music is the art of the prophets that can calm the agitations of the soul; it is one of the magnificent and delightful gifts God has given us. ~ Martin Luther

Worship is the natural outflow of a heart that is fixed in careful meditation upon the beauty and glory of Yeshua. It is something I have always been passionate about and, yet, have wrestled to enjoy. In all my years of music education (and instrument collection - three of which shown here, hehe! Aren't they CUTE?!), I never grasped the "be still" aspect of the Christian's life. I was caught up in presenting my talents before the LORD and was not aware of how filthy my good works were in His presence. Now, on the other side of that mentality, having grown weary and unfulfilled in my pursuit of music and laying that down for a long season, I've managed to over-think the purpose of what the LORD was revealing to me through all these years. I don't know what I'm supposed to do with all that music stuff. And because I haven't received a distinct, clear answer, I don't feel led to spend time playing the way that I use to, thus avoiding it altogether. I only know I don't want it if He's not there when I play or sing.

There's a tendency to complicate things in the Christian's life and I'm guilty of this in almost every area. However, instead of asking "should I?" or "shouldn't I?" and attempting to search out my own intentions in this matter, He has shown me in so many ways how simple this really is. He says, "Come away with Me..."

The Mighty One, God the LORD, speaks and summons the earth from the rising of the sun to its setting.Out of Zion, the perfection of beauty, God shines forth. ~ Psalm 50:1-2

I will sing of steadfast love and justice;to you, O LORD, I will make music. ~ Psalm 101:1

David's reflection upon the LORD brought a song to his lips. It was pure and natural because it was brought forth by the Spirit. I often wonder why it is that we suppress the Spirit for fear that it might really be of the flesh, instead of just letting Him flow through us. I just want the mind and heart of a child in this regard! A child doesn't make something complex when it's really just simple. When you love someone or something, you're invested in it and long for it at all times. You write about it! You talk about it! You sing about it! Why wouldn't you? It's natural! To not speak and sing of it would be strange! And that is what David does, whether in affliction or times of peace...he sings. Oh how beautiful, oh how marvelous! LORD, teach me to truly sing to you and for You for the first time in my life.

I've recently been obsessing (yes, obsessing! ha) over the beautiful melody and lyrics to Kerah Hanes' latest song, Come Away With Me (Zemer Levav - the third track on the bottom of their page), which so perfectly captures the heart of Yeshua to His Bride. Read His heart for you as the tones soar about you...

The voice of my beloved!
Behold, he comes,
leaping over the mountains,
bounding over the hills.
My beloved is like a gazelle
or a young stag.
Behold, there he stands
behind our wall,
gazing through the windows,
looking through the lattice.
My beloved speaks and says to me: "Arise, my love, my beautiful one,
and come away,
for behold, the winter is past;
the rain is over and gone.
The flowers appear on the earth,
the time of singing has come,
and the voice of the turtledove
is heard in our land.
The fig tree ripens its figs,
and the vines are in blossom;
they give forth fragrance.
Arise, my love, my beautiful one,
and come away.
O my dove, in the clefts of the rock,
in the crannies of the cliff,
let me see your face,
let me hear your voice,
for your voice is sweet,
and your face is lovely.
Catch the foxes for us,
the little foxes
that spoil the vineyards,
for our vineyards are in blossom."

My beloved is mine, and I am his;
he grazes among the lilies.
Until the day breathes
and the shadows flee,
turn, my beloved, be like a gazelle
or a young stag on cleft mountains.

~ Song of Solomon 2:8-17

Oh, this is healing for a heavy heart, dear LORD.

My heart, which is so full to overflowing, has often been solaced and refreshed by music when sick and weary. ~ Martin Luther

Next to the Word of God, the noble art of music is the greatest treasure in the world. ~ Martin Luther

The church with no great anguish on its heart has no great music on its lips. ~ Karl Barth

Tones sound, and roar and storm about me until I have set them down in notes.

~ Ludwig Van Beethoven

"Come, My Soul, Thy Suit Prepare"

2011-06-14T17:41:00.000-07:00

A hymn by John Newton.

Come, my soul, thy suit prepare:
Jesus loves to answer prayer;
He himself has bid thee pray,
Therefore will not say thee nay,
Therefore will not say thee nay.

Thou art coming to a King,
Large petitions with thee bring;
For his grace and pow'r are such,
None can ever ask too much,
None can ever ask too much.

With my burden I begin:
Lord, remove this load of sin;
Let thy blood, for sinners spilt,
Set my conscience free from guilt,
Set my conscience free from guilt.

Lord, I come to thee for rest,
Take possession of my breast;
There thy blood-bought right maintain,
And without a rival reign,
And without a rival reign.

While I am a pilgrim here,
Let thy love my spirit cheer;
As my Guide, my Guard, my Friend,
Lead me to my journey's end,
Lead me to my journey's end.

Show me what I have to do,
Ev'ry hour my strength renew:
Let me live a life of faith,
Let me die thy people's death,
Let me die thy people's death.

To tarry with Him...

2011-06-12T16:28:00.000-07:00

So, it's officially summer in Arizona. Yep, that means we, Arizonans, are currently burning to a crispy nothingness! :-D

In addition, regardless of whether I'm in or out of school, life never seems to slow down. While I may shake my fist in frustration and despair with a cry of "Cruel life!" at my ever-growing to-do list and the fullness of life in general (combined with my already terrible habit of procrastination)...I either have to hop on for the ride or sit back and think that I can actually obtain control over my days. What it really comes down is that I'm very easily stressed and I just need to take a chill pill some days. Unfortunately, on many days, speaking to myself objectively and reasonably does not seem to penetrate my heart. *sigh* And that's why I am ever thankful for my dear Jesus. And He surely never wastes my days of stress. I say that because it always seems like it's in those moments when I'm allowing myself to become unnecessarily burdened with life (whether it be actual painful, grievous things or merely the bustle of day-to-day activities) that He brings to surface unexpected internal struggles within me that I didn't even really know (or acknowledge) were there. I don't know quite how to put it into words. It's breaking, but not crippling. It's painful, but so necessary. It always driven me back to the Cross. Even when I cannot understand why He is doing what He is doing in me, or why I have to learn the same old lessons over and over again or why I'm struggling with something that (from the outside looking in) I think is terribly ridiculous, I remember that there is comfort in His embrace.

"When the cares of my heart are many, your consolations cheer my soul. (Psalm 94:19)

I once heard a quote by Timothy Keller in which he said, "Sometimes it feels like God is killing us, when He is actually saving us." While it is true that I am righteous and holy in Christ, it is also true that underneath His cloak of righteousness, I'm a wretch. I'm so unlike Him. I'm so indifferent to my sin. There's so much of me that needs to die. I want so much to be purely devoted to Him and desire Him only, but I despise the sin in me that hinders and suffocates.

Yet, He, ever so gently whispering, "Not by might, nor by power, but by my Spirit." (Zech 4:6).And, like a child, I receive. Again. And Again. I go to the River of Life. I stretch out my "roots" to drink. Lord, not by my might, nor by my power, but by Thy Spirit.

I read this again this past week and found it so filling to my heart.

The strongest, most mature Christians....are the hungriest for God. It might seems that those who eat most would be least hungry. But that's not the way it works with an inexhaustible fountain, an infinite feast, and a glorious Lord.

When you take your stand on the finished work of God in Christ, and begin to drink at the River of Life and eat the Bread of Heaven, and know that you have found the end of all your longings, you only get hungrier for God. The more satisfaction you experience from God, while still in this world, the greater your desire for the next. For, as C.S. Lewis said, "Our best havings are wantings."

The more deeply you walk with Christ, the hungrier you get for Christ...the most homesick you get for heaven...the more you want "all the fullness of God"...the more you want to be done with sin...the more you want the Bridegroom to come again...the more you want the Church revived and purified with the beauty of Jesus...the more you want a great awakening to God's reality in the cities...the more you want to see the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ penetrate the darkness of all the unreached peoples of the world...the more you want to see false world views yield to the force of Truth...the more you want to see pain relieved and tears wiped away and death destroyed...the more you long for every wrong to be made right and the justice and grace of God to fill the earth like the waters cover the sea.

If you don't feel strong desires for the manifestation of the glory of God, it is not because you have drunk deeply and are satisfied. It is because you have nibbled so long at the table of the world. Your soul is stuffed with small things, and there is no room for the great. God did create you for this. There is an appetite for God. And it can be awakened. I invite you to turn from the dulling effects of food and the dangers of idolatry, and to say with a simple fast: "This much, O God, I want You."

~ John Piper, A Hunger for God

And I hear Him say, "Will you tarry with Me?" Why would I ever dare refuse Him? I love Him oh so dearly...but how much more of Him I do need!

And does Thou hear the silence of my heart, Lord;

Canst Thou count the tears that never reach my eyes?

And these yearnings, which will not fit my words, Lord;

Wilt Thou feed this hidden hunger –

Desire, spawned of the Spirit, which somehow fails to rise?

“Yea, Soul, Eternity has tuned my ear to silence,

My own heart brims with tears now long unshed;

The quiet sanctuary of unspoken reverence

Is my dwelling place of old;

And in the deeps of spirit have I made my bed.”

- Jim Elliot

One year ago today...

2011-05-31T13:21:00.000-07:00

My stomach was in knots.

After months of prayer and preparation, I was actually in Windsor, CO, on the Ellerslie campus. The strangest thing about this memory is that it feels like it was several years ago. In some ways, it almost comes to my mind like a dream...I don't recall all the details. It's like this hazy memory filled with the most precious moments of meeting the beautiful faces of sisters in Christ (many of whom I had gotten to know over the internet in the previous months). I was overwhelmed with nerves and pure joy! Then, there was the Ellerslie staff. They were bursting with love and I hardly knew how to receive it! I didn't even feel like unpacking my stuff that day. I was just in awe of the beauty of the campus and the wonderful staff members.

I remember the banquet that they prepared for students....oh my, it was lovely! There are no words to describe that night. The men escorted each lady to the tables (my first experience of the kind of daily ettiquette and decorum that the men were taught to practice, very beautiful!), and we were all served the most wonderful food as the staff begin their presentations, which was greatly moving. It lasted past 11pm, I think. I was exhausted, yet filled with excitement to get to know each of the young women and men that would be my new family for the following 11 weeks. They made me laugh and they made me cry (in good ways!), and they encouraged, convicted, comforted, and blessed me, probably in more ways than many of them even know.

Ellerslie is a place set apart for souls longing to seek un-distracted communion with Christ. It's a place accompanied by souls whose only goal and every effort is to direct your heart towards Christ. And that is what I remember the most about my time there. The way that I was prodded on to grow in Christ and to taste the fullness of what Christ purchased for me on the cross.

I always say that it was very much like a 'honeymoon' with Jesus while I was at Ellerslie. And I'm ever so thankful for all the support from my family and friends, which got me there . The LORD worked in me there in ways that I did not expect and I learned more about the fullness of the Gospel, which became (and still becomes) increasingly more precious to me. It was the first time that I was genuinely able to experience freedom from many struggles and also to boldly proclaim with all my heart, "You are my Lord; I have no good apart from You!" (Psalm 16:2).

Oh how I miss...

Sunsets at Ellerslie.

And the beautiful chapel.

The view outside my dorm window every morning....

My dear sisters in Christ who inspired me so much...these are just a few, but there are so many more!

Long drives to Estes Park...worshiping Christ in the car along with my sisters.

The days of worshiping before our God, whether it be in the chapel or outside....

Relaxing on the campus, meditating on the Word near the quiet of the lake, conversing with friends, laughing at all the hilarious happenings, watching the bunnies venture out from under the porches, watching the students go about their daily duties, waking up at 5:30 or 6am to pray in the stillness of the morning, the unpredictable weather at Colorado, the wall of thick fog that came rolling through in the mornings of June and July...

I also miss the close fellowship I experienced there. I miss 'family group' nights on Friday. I miss watching people pray. I miss the way our Ellerslie brothers would drop everything to pray over the group of girls, knowing that there was heavy things that a lot of us ladies were wrestling with. I miss the sweetness and joy of 'kiddo night' and pouring into the lives of the children from the church. I miss the morning devotions with staff. I miss the daily worship time.

Yes, there is so much to be missed. But so much to thank my God for!

Life has been quite different post-Ellerslie. But having those 11 weeks to be challenged and refined by His Spirit and Word, and to grow in the love of Christ, provided a solid foundation for the trials and struggles that came upon my return home. Thank you, Jesus, for those 11 weeks.

This hymn was our "anthem". I can't tell how many times we all gathered to sing this one last summer.

"Jesus, I My Cross Have Taken"

by Henry Francis Lyte, 1793-1847

1. Jesus, I my cross have taken,
All to leave and follow Thee;
Destitute, despised, forsaken,
Thou from hence my All shalt be.
Perish every fond ambition,
All I've sought or hoped or known;
Yet how rich is my condition!
God and heaven are still my own.

2. Let the world despise and leave me,
They have left my Savior, too.
Human hearts and looks deceive me;
Thou art not, like them, untrue.
And while Thou shalt smile upon me,
God of wisdom, love, and might,
Foes may hate and friends may shun me;
Show Thy face, and all is bright.

3. Go, then, earthly fame and treasure!
Come, disaster, scorn, and pain!
In Thy service, pain is pleasure;
With Thy favor, loss is gain.
I have called Thee Abba, Father!
I have stayed my heart on Thee.
Storms may howl, and clouds may gather,
All must work for good to me.

4. Man may trouble and distress me,
'Twill but drive me to Thy breast;
Life with trials hard may press me,
Heaven will bring me sweeter rest.
Oh, 'tis not in grief to harm me
While Thy love is left to me;
Oh, 'twere not in joy to charm me
Were that joy unmixed with Thee.

5. Take, my soul, thy full salvation;
Rise o'er sin and fear and care;
Joy to find in every station,
Something still to do or bear.
Think what Spirit dwells within thee,
What a Father's smile is thine,
What a Savior died to win thee;
Child of heaven, shouldst thou repine?

6. Haste, then, on from grace to glory,
Armed by faith and winged by prayer;
Heaven's eternal day's before thee,
God's own hand shall guide thee there.
Soon shall close the earthly mission,
Swift shall pass thy pilgrim days,
Hope soon change to glad fruition,
Faith to sight, and prayer to praise.

Garments of Praise!

2011-05-29T11:51:00.000-07:00

This song of praise has been an old favorite. It's traveled with me over the years and it's one that still erupts forth from my heart! It's the second song on my playlist at the very bottom of my blog. Oh Jesus, do this in me and the souls around me!

Put on the garments of praise, for the spirit of heaviness;
Let the oil of gladness flow down from Your throne!
Put on the garments of praise, for the spirit of heaviness;
Your joy is my strength alone, my strength alone!

Make these broken weary bones rise to dance again,
Wet this dry and thirsty land with a river!
Lord our eyes are fixed on You and we are waiting,
For Your garland of grace as we praise your name!

Hallelujah, sing hallelujah!
We give all honor and praise to your name!
Hallelujah, sing hallelujah!
We trade our sorrows for garments of praise!

~ Robin Mark

A jewel

2011-05-23T11:05:00.000-07:00

I have found such comfort from these words written decades ago. These are snippets from Amy Carmichael's book, Candles in the Dark. Through some searching, I found some information regarding this little book:

"For the last twenty years of her life, until her death in 1951, Amy Carmichael was confined to her room, in constant pain. During this time she kept in touch with colleagues and friends through a flood of personal letters in which she shared the riches of her spiritual experience, offering encouragement, hope, consolation and occasionally reproof. Never intended for publication, these letters, written to specific individuals on particular occasions, have a wider message which may now for the first time be shared by readers of these selected extracts."

I have often found consolation through Amy's writings, and it has been no different in this season of life. Thank God for this precious sister who never tarried in her work for His Kingdom. It is marvelous how, years later, her words still speak life and hope; or, rather, it is the Spirit that spoke through her and has carried them across the world and time for them to be poured into the hearts of others.

I have just come upon this jewel (in a most uncomfortable setting, but a jewel all the same): "Know now that there shall fall unto the earth nothing of the word of the Lord" (2 Kings 10:10). I thought of one who is going through a bitter time - every possible arrow the archers can produce is being shot at that soul - and then I thought of you, and of your father and mother. Nothing of the word of the Lord spoken to you about your dearest shall fall unto the earth. Nothing they have ever known as His word to them shall fall.

Yes, I understand; how much easier it would be if one could bear pain for others - instead of them, I mean. I have often prayed that I might, for Col 1:24 seems to give ground for such a prayer, but never once has that joy been mine. So now I am learning to be content. Perhaps those of whom I am thinking specially would never have known Him as they know Him now if they had not suffered. Indeed it must be so. "I never knew the comfort of God as I know it now," one said to me yesterday.

Don't forget when you imagine, all but see and hear and desperately feel, your loved one's pain, there is one thing that eludes you. That is the grace that is being given, the Presence that is there. But well I know how hard it is to carry on just as if all were going smoothly at home.

Yes, He often trusts us to trust Him when it does not seem as if He were providing. I have been through this rough stretch of road and so I can understand and walk it with you; and, best of all, He can, and He is nearer than near. Give your father my sheet anchor again, Job 34:29: "When He giveth quietness, who then can make trouble?" It's such a victorious, "who"!

I think the Lord must find it difficult to teach us that here have we no continuing city. "This is not your rest"; I often think of that. We know it, but we don't find it easy to live as if it were true. More and more I feel that we are what the Bible says we are - strangers and pilgrims. And all the things that happen are meant to emphasize that. But the pilgrim's God is very close to you and your father through these days.